A Daily Stance

We talk a lot about standing for your marriage. When you hear that someone is standing for their marriage, your mind immediately defaults to their marriage is failing. Not always true. Actually, standing for your marriage is an everyday practice as it is for extreme circumstances.

In Ephesians 6, it says numerous times to stand. Verse 11, "Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand against all the strategies of the devil." Verse 13, "...after the battle you will still be standing firm." Verse 14, "Stand your ground..." with all the pieces of God's armor.

Do we stand only when the bottom has seemed to fall out? Do we choose to stand after the devil has run rampant through our marriage? Do we only stand after the attack happens? I am telling you now...if you wait to stand until after the onslaught happens, your path to a victorious, healthy marriage will be a harder fight. You will have victory but the work needed to establish that strong, marital defense will be a harder fight. It's easier to keep the devil out than it is to make him leave!

Within the military, there are people whose sole job is to make battle plans for situations that may arise someday. They may never have to use those plans but they have made their stand. They know that within a few moments they will be able to execute their plans for the contingency. They have learned the value of a forceful stance.

So often our reactions to adverse situations in our marriages is one of frustration, depression, denial, and a general escalation of emotions. We cannot think with a clear mind and, therefore, we react to the person standing in front if us instead of a forceful response to the spirit that is motivating that individual. Instead of reacting to the individual, we should be responding with plans that we laid out in times of peace. When the devil rears his head within our marriage let him be met with a forceful and powerful stand. Heels dug in, shields up, swords drawn, and faces set like flint ready to engage the devil. Don't let him catch you with your hands down and not ready. We know that he will attack; we just don't know when it will happen.

We should be proactive in the good times. Let us make our contingency plans in times of peace. Always standing firm and always on guard. We do not decide to make a stand after the battle has begun; we decide to stand when life is peaceable.

What does all of this mean for you and I?

It means to begin overlooking some of your pet peeves that are nothing more than your personal preferences. It means to quit freaking out when he leaves the toilet seat up. It means to stop worrying and causing grief when she is running late because she can't find anything to wear. Stop constantly nagging him about chores you would like to see done around the house. Quit speaking down to her like she is someone beneath you. It means start bringing flowers home, guys. It means start having yourself put together when he comes home from work. It means putting the kids to bed early, shutting off the TV, and just hanging out together.

Men, it means to start dating your wife again. Flirt with her like an adolescent schoolboy. Start crushing on her again. Send her love notes written in the steam on the bathroom mirror. It means reading the Word of God to her and over her. Lead her in the things of God. Bring her home treats that she likes. Call her sometime for no good reason but to hear her voice. Listen to her...no, seriously....actually listen to her and what she is saying when she is telling you about the boring, mundane stuff about her day. (That one thing alone will work wonders, bro!)

Ladies, it means give him something to chase. Let him be your hero...again. Make a big deal about him killing spiders. Become like a teenage girl when he shows off for you. Become his biggest cheerleader. When he thinks you don't know he is listening, brag about him and how strong he is. Trust and believe that he will do what he said he will do. Follow him even if you know better...and don't tell, "I told you so" when it blows up in his face. Instead, encourage him and support him in the face of failure. (If you believe in him wholeheartedly and he knows this, he will challenge the very gates of hell for you, girl!)

The point of all this is this...MAKE YOUR STAND DAILY!! If you keep the devil out today, you won't have to drive him out tomorrow. It's the marriage that God entrusted you with. Protect it, keep it, honor it, STAND FOR IT!!

Standing with you,

Josh

P.S. And, men...pick up your dirty shorts!

Basics

When I was trying to find a good graphic for the blog it was hard finding something that would "work."  As I needed to find something to write about today I realized how perfect that picture is.....to stand for your marriage is often a very lonely road--but it is also a joyful thing to know we are in God's perfect will.  That picture shows a lot of peace to me...a rainbow....believing in the promises of God that stand true through the test of time.  The rainbow is hope that God keeps His promises.  We can stand firm........

1 Corinthians 16:13-14

 Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong.  Do everything in love.

Do you know the enemy you are fighting? The key in fighting any battle begins with understanding your enemy. To be on your guard you have to know the enemy. "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:12 Satan is your enemy. Your spouse has been taken captive by Satan to do his evil will. Satan is defeated by the blood of Jesus Christ. This does NOT mean that I believe your spouse had no choice; they had a choice, and they are allowing Satan access into their lives--most often seen evident in the lies and things they speak. Your defense against Satan is praying the Word of God over your marriage.

Having faith...."Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." Hebrews 11:1,6

Faith is based on two beliefs; first that God is who He says He is, and second that God will do what He says He will do. When you believe that God will fulfill His promises, even when you do not see a physical manifestation of these promises, you are operating in faith. "

"Jesus replied, 'I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, "Go, throw yourself into the sea," and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.'" Matthew 21:21-22

Prayer is the physical demonstration of our faith that God exists, that He hears our prayers and that He will deliver on His promises. Faith means resting in what Christ has done for us in the past, but also means trusting Him for what He will do for us in the future.

COURAGE---it takes courage to stand for a broken marriage. The world bombards us with quick solutions and admonitions to "get on with your life." It takes real guts to be obedient to God by standing for your marriage vows. God is on your side. He will never leave you. Be strengthened in your faith, knowing that Jesus is with you every step of the way through the trial of separation or divorce.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6

I pray that you may find encouragement in knowing that you have back-up; God is waging war against Satan and his minions for the salvation of your home and family.

Staying strong.....an important part of standing for the healing of your marriage is realizing that you are powerless to change your spouse. Only God can change a hardened heart. Your strength is not in your own efforts but through humbly submitting your life and family to God's loving care.

"It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect." 2 Samuel 22:33

" For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

Everything in love.....hands down, the hardest part of standing for the healing of your marriage is giving up the right to be angry and bitter towards the spouse that has left you or even the spouse who is with you but making your life miserable. God commands us to do everything in love. Everything? Always? Who can live up to such a demand?

Most likely easy to understand is the fact that many people use anger and guilt to manipulate their spouses into feeling the pain that they are feeling. If you have been guilty of acting in unloving ways towards your mate, repent and ask God to give you a heart that can love even when it hurts. Your role as wife/husband has not changed just because of the outward circumstances. You are called to love/respect your spouse regardless of what is happening around you. Your calling is still your calling until death, remember? (and, no, you aren't allowed to kill them to speed that up)

Christ is our model of perfect love. Can you love your spouse with the love of Christ? Are you willing to die for them? You can love your spouse in this way because Christ first loved you. Oh, you might have to remind yourself a time or two or three or four or okay, a hundred...but it CAN be done. 

"All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." 2 Corinthians 4:15-17

We have to learn to love without counting the cost. God will bless you.

"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments." Deuteronomy 7:9

When you have an exhausting day think of the generations that will be affected.....the reward is so much greater than the trial you are enduring.

Permanence

So, I have  been told that I believe in marriage....."until death do us part."   Hmm, yes, I do!  I wouldn't believe so strongly, if I didn't.  Does that mean I don't love those around me who have walked a different path?  Absolutely not, I am passionate, but I am not walking around in judgement. We are responsible for what we know. Some people don't even know this stuff.  Others have no conviction about it whatsoever....I am only responsible for what God tells me to do, in sharing--thus, I share.  You are not obligated to believe what I say--search the Word for yourselves. 


What I Believe God Has To Say About Marriage -

Many people say that they know what God's Word says concerning marriage BUT their circumstances are such and such, therefore they can do such and such, all contrary to the Word of God. These comments have me wondering if these individuals really do understand what God's Word has to say about marriage, divorce and remarriage.

Given this understanding of God's laws, what does He have to say about the covenant of marriage?

"The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'" Genesis 2:18

As God created man for fellowship with Him, He also created woman so that the man would have a suitable companion.

"But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called "woman" for she is taken out of man.'" Genesis 2:20-23

God instituted marriage as a gift to Adam and Eve. They were made perfect for each other. Marriage was not a creation of man or any culture, but was the creation of God to bless His children. God takes marriage very seriously. The next verse states God's view concerning His wishes regarding the marriage covenant He created...

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Genesis 2:24

In the Old Testament divorce, remarriage and multiple marriages had crept into the Jewish culture. Jesus addressed this issue by saying...

"'Haven't you read,' he replied, 'that at the beginning the Creator "made them male and female,"' and said, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh?" So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.'" Matthew 19:4-6

The individuals questioning Jesus where trying to trick Him into speaking against Jewish laws and customs, so they pressured Him about Moses allowing divorce...

"'Why then,' they asked, 'did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?'

"Jesus replied, 'Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife...and marries another woman commits adultery.'" Matthew 19:7-9

In just a few sentences, Jesus reinforces God's original plan for marriage...one man, one woman, for life.
So if marriage is a permanent covenant according to God's Word, what does God have to say about divorce?

"'I hate divorce,' says the Lord God" Malachi 2:16

"By law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man." Romans 7:2-3

So God hates divorce, only death breaks the marriage covenant and remarriage while a spouse is still alive is adultery.

In spite of clear doctrine to the contrary, divorce still happens. What does God's Word have to say concerning those that are divorced?

"To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife." I Corinthians 7:10-11

God gives the divorced two choices: reconcile or remain single. The only exception allowing a person to remarry is if their spouse has died.

In closing, many say that the Lord has told them to give up on their marriages, to stop standing and often to remarry. The test to see if what you are hearing is in fact from God, check it out against His Word. God cannot contradict Himself. If what you are hearing disagrees with the commands in God's Word, it is NOT from God.

I believe Satan wants nothing better than for you to give up on your marriage. Why does he wish this? Because he knows by breaking up your family the battle is not over if, you continue to stand for your marriage. He knows that in the end, he will lose when you are standing in agreement with God for the healing of your marriage. Anything he can do to sway you away from Biblical teaching will help ensure his victory. The only way Satan can get at God is through the disobedience of His children.

Remember, that you are only defeated when you give up. Continue to fight and pray for your home. Do not be deceived by the evil one into giving up. Do not believe in the falsehood that God has someone better for you. God does have someone better for you; your one-flesh mate when He cleans them up and brings them home. I am standing in agreement with you, praying for you and your spouse. Many blessings are in store for you when you are obedient to your marriage vows and God's commands in His Word.

This was a tough one to deal with, as I have many friends and family who do NOT believe the same as I do.  I can only pray they hear my heart. Judging a person is NOT my job, thus I do not do it.  Reading things like this are what helped me NOT to give up, when it felt much easier to throw in the towel. Today makes 20 years from my own parents' divorce, so I am not insensitive to the pain.  It took a lot to post this today. My mother taught me that God hated divorce...she did a good job!

Be a Blessing!

  "'Blessed are you who are poor,
      for yours is the kingdom of God.
  Blessed are you who hunger now,
      for you will be satisfied.
  Blessed are you who weep now,
      for you will laugh.
  Blessed are you when men hate you,
      when they exclude you and insult you
      and reject your name as evil, because of the
      Son of Man.
  Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great
      is your reward in heaven.'" Luke 6:20-23

The words of Jesus can speak directly to us in our situation. Marital difficulties, separation and divorce leave its victims in financial straits, hungry for the companionship of the missing spouse, weeping from incredible pain and hated by a spouse that once pledged their love forever. In spite of these circumstances, Jesus calls you "blessed" for "great is your reward in heaven."

"Rejoice? You do not know what my spouse has done! (insert your own thoughts here) I cannot ignore this!" Such comments are usually accompanied with an unforgiving spirit towards your spouse, regardless of the denial that is easy to hide behind.

Jesus explains how to treat the one that has wronged you.

"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those  
who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat
you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?
Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those
who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do
that. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them
without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be
great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to
the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is
merciful." Luke 6:27-28, 32-33, 35-36

Jesus is giving you the formula. Are you following the formula? If not, ask the Lord to give you unconditional love for your spouse regardless of anything that they may have done.

I followed this formula with my husband. Many will tell you that "tough love" and "ultimatums" are the only way to bring your wayward spouse home. It's the only way to build trust.  It's the only way to remove doubt.  God does those things....there is nothing we can do in ourselves to make those things happen. Jesus did not deal with sinners through ultimatums and tough love. He simply loved them. I do not believe His message has changed.

Take time to get quiet before Him, ask the Lord to reveal to you what you should do to show love. Get away from the distractions of the busy world to listen to His response. He will direct you in what you should do. Every single day you have numerous opportunities to be a blessing to your spouse.

It is through these blessings that a hardened heart will be softened, not through constant prodding, pleading and begging. Take hold of this. It is serving the one that least deserves it that lives will be changed through the power of the Holy Spirit. Christ nailed to the cross is your example of unconditional, self-sacrificing love. The world teaches a love that takes and never gives. The way of the cross is to love even when it hurts for the betterment of the one that is loved. The Lord can equip you!

Choose the way of the cross and be a blessing to your spouse. "Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Luke 6:37-38