"You should tell your spouse that you love them 24 times a day...AT LEAST!!" This is the advice were given recently from an older couple in our church. They were speaking to a group of us, (young and married) about marriage and how to keep it alive and fresh. They were not talking about HOW we show our spouses that we love them; they meant actually SAYING the words!
Sometimes advice like that goes in one ear and out the other. Surely, there must be a more complex and intimate way to keep your marriage fresh and healthy. But, of all the things that they shared that night, that one phrase stuck out in our minds.
After that night, we began to think about it and count how many times we said it. Most of the time, we would be fortunate if we made it to 12. How could we ever hit 24?!?!?! We say those words when Josh leaves for work and when we talk on the phone during the day before we hang up. We always say it when one of us is going out without the other, whether to run errands or visit with close friends. We say it when we feel like it needs to be said. But, c'mon, 24 times a day!?!?!?!? It seems like overkill.
This couple said that they say, "I love you" at the usual times but also at the unusual times. Like when they have to get up and use the bathroom in the middle of the night. Or after breakfast. Or just because. You know...for no good reason than to just say it.
This advice would fall on deaf ears if their marriage was rocky, at best. However, their marriage is rock solid!! They shared about how great their marriage is and it shows not in their words but in their life. When we see them around church, they are always together and look as if they enjoy each other's company more than any one else's. They never seem to be put off by what the other is doing. They love each other...and they make sure the other knows it.
Practically, just think about what would happen if we actually did this with our spouses. What marital ills would this stop? What temptations would this allow us to circumvent? What trouble could we avoid if we were ALWAYS telling our spouses that we love them? Well, if we were always telling our spouses this, we would drastically reduce our ability to develop feelings for another. We would either have it told to us to remind us or our own words would cause us to think twice about our actions. If we were always telling our spouses that we love them, we would not use the tone (sarcasm, domineering, talking down, or somthing similar) that we do. If we told our spouses this all time....if this was our default mode to remind them that we love them...then the times when we may speak wrong words and be the cause of hurt feelings would be short lived. If we told our spouses that we loved them more often, the devil would have less room to speak lies to our spouses that we don't.
So, we have been endeavoring to do this. Mind you, we don't do a good job of it but we try. Most days we still fall short but it gives us something to shoot for. And practicing this discipline is the best way to get better at it.
Why don't you give it a try and see what happens? Maybe nothing...but maybe, just maybe.....it might change everything! You'll never know unitl you try. Don't stop if they don't reciprocate; just keep speaking it. Maybe you don't even believe it. If you don't but do it anyways, you will be speaking words of faith. Sooner or later the words that you speak will bring that reality to pass. So you can either speak death or words of life. It's up to you. As for us...we'll keep shooting for 24 times...AT LEAST!!!
Josh and Serena
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Not Forgotten
Are you feeling forgotten? Does it feel like your friends forgot you were friends? Does it feel like you somehow MISSED the fact that you weren't friends any more? Did your marriage fall apart and now you think your spouse has forgotten you, too? Forgotten?? Yes, I have been there and sometimes STILL struggle with it. Do you think God has forgotten you? Please know that He has not! Continue to get to know Him, and plug into God, His character, and who He is. He will NOT forget you. I know it's hard to see. All around you it might just feel as though you are VERY alone, but HE will NOT forget you! We watched a show the other day, and the elderly man on the show had an old truck in his garage. It was beat up and rusty it honestly looked like it MUST have been forgotten, but trust me....the man had NOT forgotten the truck. So, it might even FEEL like you have been forgotten, but trust me...YOU HAVE NOT BEEN FORGOTTEN by God.
In Psalm 56:8-9, David proclaimed: "You number and record my wanderings; put my tears into Your bottle – are they not in Your book? Then shall my enemies turn back in the day I cry out; this I know, for God is for me." God is for YOU. Your enemies (satan and his cohorts) will be turned back through your prayers and intercession.
Just as many did not accept Jesus and then they crucified Jesus on the cross. In this day, many will choose not to receive the Word regarding God’s power to heal, restore, redeem, and resurrect. Others rejecting the Word does not change that God has proclaimed that He heals hurting people. If you have found someone else who has made this proclamation to you, God has sent you a gift! God has remembered you! By sending help to you with proclamation of the Truth. He has remembered you. So, when you feel down or you feel like you have been forgotten remember this..GOD has not forgotten you.
Let’s look at some examples of when "God remembered" in the Bible.
When you go to war in your land against the enemy that oppresses you, then blow an alarm with the trumpets, that you may be remembered before the Lord your God, and you shall be saved from your enemies. Numbers 10:9 (AMP)
However, after a long time the king of Egypt died; and the Israelites were sighing and groaning because of the bondage. They kept crying and their cry because of the slavery ascended to God. And God heard their sighing and groaning and remembered His covenant with Abraham, and with Isaac, and with Jacob. God saw the Israelites, and took knowledge of them and concerned Himself about them." Exodus 2:23-Exodus 3:1
God remembered His covenant! He was concerned for them!
And the waters prevailed (mightily) upon the earth or land 150 days -- five months. And God earnestly remembered Noah and every living thing and all of the animals that were with him in the ark; and God make a wind blow over the land, and the waters sank and abated. Also, the fountains of the deep and the windows of the heavens were closed, the gushing rain from the sky was checked, and the waters receded from the land continually. At the end of the 150 days the water had diminished. Genesis 7:24,8:1-3
When God spoiled and destroyed the cities of the plain [of Siddim], He earnestly remembered Abraham (imprinted and fixed him indelibly on his mind), and He sent Lot out in the midst of the overthrow when he overthrew the cities where Lot lived. Genesis 19:29 (AMP)
God doesn't change; He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He remembers His covenant, and when you entered into a covenant with your spouse....God remembered it. He will remember you through all of the pain and suffering and the good times and the bad. He is walking with you. He loves you and wants to heal you. He is sending you people to encourage you in your walk toward marriage healing. Give in to Him. He will not fail you, like people. God has said that He will deliver you. (it WOULD be nice if He would tell us WHEN...I get that) We should always pray, and not grow weary, and always know that we are on His mind. He won't forget us; so let's not forget Him.
In Psalm 56:8-9, David proclaimed: "You number and record my wanderings; put my tears into Your bottle – are they not in Your book? Then shall my enemies turn back in the day I cry out; this I know, for God is for me." God is for YOU. Your enemies (satan and his cohorts) will be turned back through your prayers and intercession.
Just as many did not accept Jesus and then they crucified Jesus on the cross. In this day, many will choose not to receive the Word regarding God’s power to heal, restore, redeem, and resurrect. Others rejecting the Word does not change that God has proclaimed that He heals hurting people. If you have found someone else who has made this proclamation to you, God has sent you a gift! God has remembered you! By sending help to you with proclamation of the Truth. He has remembered you. So, when you feel down or you feel like you have been forgotten remember this..GOD has not forgotten you.
Let’s look at some examples of when "God remembered" in the Bible.
When you go to war in your land against the enemy that oppresses you, then blow an alarm with the trumpets, that you may be remembered before the Lord your God, and you shall be saved from your enemies. Numbers 10:9 (AMP)
However, after a long time the king of Egypt died; and the Israelites were sighing and groaning because of the bondage. They kept crying and their cry because of the slavery ascended to God. And God heard their sighing and groaning and remembered His covenant with Abraham, and with Isaac, and with Jacob. God saw the Israelites, and took knowledge of them and concerned Himself about them." Exodus 2:23-Exodus 3:1
God remembered His covenant! He was concerned for them!
And the waters prevailed (mightily) upon the earth or land 150 days -- five months. And God earnestly remembered Noah and every living thing and all of the animals that were with him in the ark; and God make a wind blow over the land, and the waters sank and abated. Also, the fountains of the deep and the windows of the heavens were closed, the gushing rain from the sky was checked, and the waters receded from the land continually. At the end of the 150 days the water had diminished. Genesis 7:24,8:1-3
When God spoiled and destroyed the cities of the plain [of Siddim], He earnestly remembered Abraham (imprinted and fixed him indelibly on his mind), and He sent Lot out in the midst of the overthrow when he overthrew the cities where Lot lived. Genesis 19:29 (AMP)
God doesn't change; He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He remembers His covenant, and when you entered into a covenant with your spouse....God remembered it. He will remember you through all of the pain and suffering and the good times and the bad. He is walking with you. He loves you and wants to heal you. He is sending you people to encourage you in your walk toward marriage healing. Give in to Him. He will not fail you, like people. God has said that He will deliver you. (it WOULD be nice if He would tell us WHEN...I get that) We should always pray, and not grow weary, and always know that we are on His mind. He won't forget us; so let's not forget Him.
Josh and Serena
Friday, September 2, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Banana Bread
We're sitting here at the dining table trying to find something to share with you. We have been at this for a few months now and we have set a precedent for having a post ready every day for you. So, many times...ALL the time...we have to listen to the Holy Spirit telling us what to write. He never fails to drop something in our spirits. And, He has.
Across from where we're sitting is the doorway into the kitchen. From where we are we can see bananas hanging from the banana hangar. When we bought them they were yellow and firm, perfect for eating. Now, 4 days after our trip to the grocery store and sitting inside of a warm house, they have begun to acquire these ugly brown spots. They are still good to eat just not to pleasant to look at. If not consumed by our horde of children soon, Serena will have to whip up some banana bread...with chocolate chips. (please, Babe?)
The point is that when we purchased them they were ripe and ready for consumption. But, left to themselves they begin to turn and rot. Nothing made them rot except for the natural process of things not cared for or used within their time.
Our marriages are the same. When all of us got married, we were on cloud 9. All was right and good in the world. We were living on love and the world stopped for us. Bills could wait. Nothing was as important as your new spouse.
But, somewhere along the way...maybe a few months or a few years in...cloud 9 stopped being 9 and dropped to a 2? 3? 0? Living on love didn't pay the bills. And to our disbelief the world did NOT stop for us. We got busy with life, the job, the pursuit of stuff and we left our marriage hanging on the banana hangar to rot.
We never meant for this to happen...but it did. We didn't get married with the thought that in a few years we would stop putting work into it. And now we look back and wonder where it all went wrong. What was the breaking point? When was the day that it slid down the toilet? What happened that made me and my spouse the way that we are now and brought us to this marital crisis?
The truth of the matter is this....there wasn't "one" day or "one" moment. There is rarely a single, solitary day or moment that altered the course of your marriage. Things are the way they are because we stopped caring...just a little bit.
We stopped caring about how our actions made our beloved feel. We stopped caring if our tone was appropriate for the situation. We stopped caring about what our spouse thought. We stopped paying attention to them and got caught up with other stuff.
Oh sure, we did the things expected of us. We took out the trash and cleaned the house. We went to work and paid the bills. We took care of the kids and made sure that they were healthy and doing well in school. We did the things that every good husband/wife is supposed to do...except love our spouse the way we promised.
Even the best of us can recall at least one moment where we were selfish or uncaring or unkind or impolite. All of us have been there at one time or another. So, don't be too hard on yourself. But, now the question is, "Are you going to let the bananas rot on the hanger or will you do something about it?" It's never too late to make a course correction.
So, wipe your eyes, blow your nose and go love your spouse. Treat them the way you did back in the day. It doesn't matter if they don't respond the way you think they should. It only takes one to stop the cycle.
And besides...banana bread is better with fruit that is overripe. It's NEVER too late! NEVER!!!
Josh and Serena
Across from where we're sitting is the doorway into the kitchen. From where we are we can see bananas hanging from the banana hangar. When we bought them they were yellow and firm, perfect for eating. Now, 4 days after our trip to the grocery store and sitting inside of a warm house, they have begun to acquire these ugly brown spots. They are still good to eat just not to pleasant to look at. If not consumed by our horde of children soon, Serena will have to whip up some banana bread...with chocolate chips. (please, Babe?)
The point is that when we purchased them they were ripe and ready for consumption. But, left to themselves they begin to turn and rot. Nothing made them rot except for the natural process of things not cared for or used within their time.
Our marriages are the same. When all of us got married, we were on cloud 9. All was right and good in the world. We were living on love and the world stopped for us. Bills could wait. Nothing was as important as your new spouse.
But, somewhere along the way...maybe a few months or a few years in...cloud 9 stopped being 9 and dropped to a 2? 3? 0? Living on love didn't pay the bills. And to our disbelief the world did NOT stop for us. We got busy with life, the job, the pursuit of stuff and we left our marriage hanging on the banana hangar to rot.
We never meant for this to happen...but it did. We didn't get married with the thought that in a few years we would stop putting work into it. And now we look back and wonder where it all went wrong. What was the breaking point? When was the day that it slid down the toilet? What happened that made me and my spouse the way that we are now and brought us to this marital crisis?
The truth of the matter is this....there wasn't "one" day or "one" moment. There is rarely a single, solitary day or moment that altered the course of your marriage. Things are the way they are because we stopped caring...just a little bit.
We stopped caring about how our actions made our beloved feel. We stopped caring if our tone was appropriate for the situation. We stopped caring about what our spouse thought. We stopped paying attention to them and got caught up with other stuff.
Oh sure, we did the things expected of us. We took out the trash and cleaned the house. We went to work and paid the bills. We took care of the kids and made sure that they were healthy and doing well in school. We did the things that every good husband/wife is supposed to do...except love our spouse the way we promised.
Even the best of us can recall at least one moment where we were selfish or uncaring or unkind or impolite. All of us have been there at one time or another. So, don't be too hard on yourself. But, now the question is, "Are you going to let the bananas rot on the hanger or will you do something about it?" It's never too late to make a course correction.
So, wipe your eyes, blow your nose and go love your spouse. Treat them the way you did back in the day. It doesn't matter if they don't respond the way you think they should. It only takes one to stop the cycle.
And besides...banana bread is better with fruit that is overripe. It's NEVER too late! NEVER!!!
Josh and Serena
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