Watching the Fire

Many of you that read here might be wondering "why" you have to walk this path and stand.  Why did my marriage crumble?  Why did my spouse leave?  Why did my spouse cheat? Why?  Why?  Why after endless why?

Don't think that we are going to give you the answer for "why."  We, on occasion (with a whole lot of help from Holy Spirit), can have some profound revelation.  However, we are never so amazing that we could come up with "why."

We don't know the "why" but we do know that the Heavenly Father will use the situation you are in to purify you.  Listen to this verse...

Malachi 3:3 He will sit like a refiner of silver, burning away the dross.  He will purify the Levites, refining them like gold and silver, so that they may once again offer acceptable sacrifices to the Lord.  (NLT)

While we were worshipping this morning in church, this verse rose up and landed in my spirit.  It's not the first time I have read this or meditated on this verse.  I have preached this many times in the past.  This verse makes it very clear that the Lord will do 2 things.

1.  He will refine you.  His goal through the whole process is for you to be purified so that you can once again offer acceptable sacrifices to the Lord.

2.  He will sit and wait you out.  He is patient.  Eternally patient.  He can sit while all of your impurities are burned up.  He will patiently wait for your bad attitude to be burned up.  He will patiently wait for your fear to be burned up.  He will patiently wait for you to trust Him.  His divine and infinite patience will easily outlast your human and finite stubbornness.

But this wasn't the point of this verse being dropped on me today.  Like I said, I have preached this before.  The point wasn't what His goal is and how patient He is.  There was something new that He wanted to show me.  This is what He said to me.

Not only is He watching the silver and gold...
Not only is He watching the purification process...
Not only is He watching the impurities being burned up...

But He is also watching the fire!

The refiner is paying attention to many things while performing his job.  The precious metal, the impurities, and (maybe the most crucial to the refining process) the fire.

If the impurities are not coming out and being burned off, it means that the fire is not hot enough and He must stoke the fire.  If the precious metals are being burned, it means that the fire is too hot and He must cool it down.  Maintaining the proper amount of fire to accomplish the purification is a never ending job.  Constantly heating up and cooling down.  He wants the impurities out but does not want to harm the precious metal.  Thankfully, one of our Heavenly Father's names is...Master.  He is not a novice.  He is not an amateur refiner.  He is not in training.  He is the Master.  He knows precisely what He is doing.

You are His most precious, most highly regarded treasure.  He would not harm you.  He cannot even imagine it.  His will is for you to be perfected by Him, not by you.  He wants the impurities out of you, therefore He must subject you to the fire.  He does not bring the fire to your life for harm but for purification.  And His eye stays on you and on the fire.

The silver and gold cannot tell the Master when all of the imperfections have been removed.  We cannot because we lack perspective.  But, from where the Master sits patiently, He can see you, your imperfections, and the fire.  None of them escape His purview.  The way in which you respond to the fire tells the Master when it is time to remove you from the fire.

I am not saying that He has made this most unfortunate season happen in your life.  He will however use it for your best.  He will use the fire that is causing you pain and turn it into glory.  This may not bring you comfort as to the "why's" of your life.  However, I pray that it brings you peace knowing that He is watching the fire.  It will not blaze out of His control.  It will do nothing that He has not already accounted for.  He will turn the destruction of the enemy into a tool for your blessing.

Keep standing!

Josh and Serena

Continued Blessings

Hey everyone!  In case you have been wondering, we are still here.  Still standing; still fighting; still praying for you and marriages worldwide.

Date Night!!

We have received a few emails from some of you about why we haven't been posting.  It's not because we don't have anything to say.  We have plenty left to say about marriage and restoration.  Our number one reason for not posting is that we have been focusing on us.  Don't worry; we are fine.  We purposed a long time ago to not allow ministry obligations and expectations to overwhelm our life.  We purposed to make sure that our footing is sure.  This is a dangerous war that we (you and us) are in.  Our family is our number one priority.  Secondly, we purposed to only write as the Lord leads.      He has been leading us, however not to the point that He would have us write.  But, lately, we have been feeling a stirring.  He is birthing a new season.  Pray for us as we continue to seek God on what he has for us in this ministry of helping hurting marriages.

On a fun note, we just welcomed our 7th blessing.....a number of completion. Her name is Hadassah Joy, and the Lord has shown us so much in the last week about her life and her destiny and many spiritual lessons.  Please join us in welcoming Hadassah Joy, born on 10-25-13, at 9:39 pm. 8 lbs. 11 oz. This pregnancy was the most challenging; her delivery the most complicated and dangerous....but we have found joy.  We pray that through all of your challenges you can find joy.

Last night a storm was raging outside, and we had been contentedly watching TV until instantly the power went off.  No flicker, no warning; just pitch black. We looked outside, and the weather was really bad. We checked on our phones to see if there was a warning and our area was under Tornado Watch. We checked back outside and it appeared that one of the power lines outside was hanging very low.  We debated about calling the power company to report an issue. We decided to just go to bed and rest knowing that God would protect us. Having a 7 day old makes sleep more precious than worrying about the winds blowing around us.

This morning we looked out and the power line looked like it was the same as it was last night, and as we discussed it we also realized that it's always been hanging that low. Isn't it amazing that in the middle of a storm something can look much worse than it really is?  During the storm, are we focusing on the power line or are we focusing on the fact that our protection and safety is found in Him? Are we realizing that He is working things out for our good and perhaps things aren't even as bad as they seem? Our focus needs to be much deeper than outward circumstances making our lives seems worse than they are. Our joy needs to be rooted in Christ, not shaken by the storms raging around us.

This month marks a delicate time for us.  This month marks 6 years from when Josh returned home, both to our family and to the Lord.  The wound is no longer fresh and gaping, but the memory of that terrible time is never far from us.  The King receives all the glory for what has taken place in our life over the last few years.  Since the day that our lights suddenly went black and He restored us, we have been blessed with numerous blessings.  He has added to us 3 new children, taken away $60,000 in debt, allowed Josh to write a book, allowed us to impact numerous marriages for the Kingdom, and brought us into a Kingdom-minded community of friends.  We have learned so much and are excited to be on the path that He has set before us.  Truly, God has blessed us and we feel so humbled.

2 Corinthians 4:17

For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!

Keep praying for us as we continue to raise high the name of our Lord, the Restorer of all things.

Standing, 

Josh and Serena 

Pentecost Sunday

On Pentecost Sunday, when the Holy Spirit descended upon the Apostles, they were given the gifts of the Holy Spirit. Those gifts helped them to fulfill their mission to preach the Gospel to all nations. For us, too, those gifts are given when we ask, and we are infused them, the life of God in our souls--then can help us to live a Christian life. This book is not meant to take the place of the power of the Holy Spirit, in fact, we encourage you to ask the Holy Spirit for His help.  Standing is a battle you do not want to do alone, having the Holy Spirit's help is vitally important.

 In celebration of Pentecost Sunday we are offering Josh's book for free.  Starting Sunday at 12 am (PST) to  11:59 pm on Sunday you can download  the book for free on Amazon.  The link is in the sidebar.

Be blessed,
Josh and Serena

Proof Through The Night

A few nights ago, we were at a baseball game celebrating 2 of our kid's birthdays.  And, like before any professional sports event, our national anthem was played.  While it was being sung some of the words stuck out to us and immediately the Lord showed us the stander's application.  Here are the words in the first verse of our anthem:

Whose broad stripes and bright stars thru the perilous fight,

O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?

And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,

Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.

To explain what this means to a regular person: Our flag was still proudly waving in the midst of the fight while we are hunkered down in the safety of the tower.  And when the rockets and bombs exploded, it illuminated the darkness and we could see our flag still standing.

While listening to this we thought of the fight that many of us face everyday.  We have spiritual bombs and rockets exploding all around us.  The battle is being fiercely fought around us on all sides.  Everywhere that we look we see the battle.  We see wounded soldiers and comrades.  We see structures in our life being torn down and destroyed by the enemy.  We see our own wounds and hurts.  And although these things are happening all around us, we should not be looking at these things.

Photo Credit

In military jargon a flag is often called a "standard."  The standard was always meant to be advancing, never retreating.  The standard was always at the forefront of the battle.  Those that carried the standard into battle were charged with keeping it raised.  And if that soldier fell while carrying it forward, another soldier was to pick it up, raise it up, and continue advancing.  During the battle, soldiers would look above the melee and focus on the advancing standard.  If he got lost during the fight, he looked to the standard.  If he did not know which was was advancing, he looked to the standard.  He knew that if he would press toward the standard that he would, without a doubt, find others that were committed to the advancing standard and could join with them.

Friends, as believers our standard is not a simple flag made up of red, white, and blue colors.  Our standard is the Word of God.  The Word is what we always look to.  The Word is what goes before us and what we always rally to.  Go back and reread the previous paragraph with this knowledge in mind.

Now back to the national anthem...while the fight is ongoing we look from the safety of shelter of God and can see His Word still standing.  When the enemy's rockets and bombs burst around us we are not touched.  What was meant to cause us to cower in fear and despair actually brings us hope.  When the bombs burst we see the Word still standing.  When the rockets explode we see the Word still standing.  The enemy's attack is confirmation that.....His Word still stands!  The enemy only will stop attacking when he wins or the standard has fallen.  Do not let the standard fall!

That brings up another point...we are responsible for backing the standard, the Word.  We must always run to the Word.  Not for fear that it will fall because the One that holds the standard never falters and never fails.  We run to and back the Word to find the strength to continue fighting.  Something happens when we join with the Standard Bearer, Jesus.  When we run to the Standard and He who bears it, we find the most fearsome of fighters holding it tall.  We find the King of kings holding it.  Exodus 15:3 says that He is a man of war and the Lord is His name.  Hosea 12:5 says that He is the Lord God of Heaven's Armies.  This is who is holding your standard.

Any earthly king would entrust the standard to an expendable soldier.  However, our God takes His only Son, dresses Him like us and places Him on the front lines to bear the standard.  He is not a passive or weak man.  He is not easily frightened.  He is the Prince of Peace, not because He can draft a treaty but because He will bring peace to His child by His presence, peace to the situation by His Word, and peace to the enemy by His actions.  More than once in the Word we find God coming to the rescue of His people with tangible acts against their enemy.  He did it because they did not look at the situation but looked to the standard.

Many times we have asked for your prayers.  We do again today.  This blog puts us on the front lines of this fight.  We did not choose to be here.  In all honesty, it would be a lot easier for us if we didn't have this ministry.  But this was not a decision that we have the privilege to make.  Our standard bearer calls us to Himself and He is on the front lines. And we simply obey.  We are not the standard or the standard bearer; we are only rallying to it and to Him.

We would encourage you to run to the standard and the One who carries it.  Run to the Word.  Run to Jesus.  Don't be afraid of the bombs going off around you.  Run to the Word.  Don't allow the rockets to cause your steps to be shortened.  Run to Jesus.  Your enemy is not your spouse.  Run to the Word.  The enemy has tried to stop the One who bears the standard once before....and he failed!  So, run to Jesus.

He holds the standard.

He holds you!

Rallying towards the standard....

Josh and Serena

Stand!

Music has always ministered to both Josh and I, in fact, for Josh's 30th birthday (while he was away) I bought him one of his favorite artists brand new CD. I am still blown away at some of the lyrics in those songs, needless to say Josh only listened to that CD one time while he was gone.  He just could NOT listen to it and allow the words to sink in "too much."   I came across this song today, and I pray it ministers to you the way it has me.  Allow the words to minister to you in a deep and powerful way.






Always Standing,
Josh and Serena

Help Me Find It

God is so willing to help you find His will. Some of you have lost sight, temporarily, of what God has told you. He will give you faith for your fear.  He won't leave you alone.  Stop fighting for your way, and He will help you find His will.  Blessings.....keep standing!

Josh and Serena

Stepping Stones to Jesus

Good Friday and Easter

Another holiday...
    Another moment alone...
        Another moment where things just don't feel right...
            Another reminder that you hurt...

Philippians 2:5-8
You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.  Though he was God he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to.  Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being.  When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal's death on a cross.


Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of Himself. He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of Himself that he had to cling to the advantage of that status no matter what. When the time came, He set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave. He didn't claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death —a crucifixion.

BUT my spouse should love me? Yes!
BUT my spouse says mean things? Yes!
BUT my spouse doesn't spend time with me? Yes!
BUT my spouse doesn't put me first? Yes!
BUT my spouse walks all over me? Yes!

The Lord Jesus Christ was walked on by everyone.  He was the biggest doormat of all.  He hung on the cross for the whole world to wipe their sinful feet on. I mean, wow! Have you thought of that before?  We often find ourselves complaining about little stuff but we so quickly forget our own sins against Christ.  He became the biggest doormat of all for the whole world to walk all over with their muddy, sinful feet.  If a servant isn't any greater than his master, then who am I to think that I could demand to be more than a human doormat? I am sure, as a stander, someone has said to you, "But you shouldn't just be a doormat!"  And rightfully so, you should not be a doormat.  You are actually less than a doormat.

You see, you are not a doormat but a stepping stone.  Stepping stones were meant to be walked on. That's what we are—stepping stones to Jesus...or at least we should be.  Stepping stones pave a path to the Doormat and the Holy Doormat allows the dirty sinner to become clean and  enter into the presence of the Father.

Humility—having or showing consciousness of one’s short-comings. Lower in condition or rank to lower in pride. That's Webster definition of humility.  It's an "others before me" mindset.

This is the very trait that Christ displayed for us when He took the cross.  He put our eternal well-being above His own temporary physical pain.  Why?  In order for us to have a way to become clean.

You cannot be the way that your prodigal spouse becomes clean and come back to the Father.  However, you can be the path that they take to come back to Jesus. But this will mean that you WILL be walked on.  You WILL feel pain of their hard walking.  You WILL have your life muddied by the filth of their life.  But the stepping stone always points a path back the Doormat.

And with Josh having come from a landscaping background, there were numerous times where his job was to create a stepping stone path.  Never once was a stepping stone path ever created by just throwing down random stones and hoping they pointed to the final destination.  Josh ALWAYS chose each and every stone and where each one was placed with the purpose of paving a path to the destination.

You were chosen by God to be a stepping stone to Jesus.  You were hand-selected to be a part of the path that WILL lead your wayward spouse back to Jesus and the loving arms of the Father.  Once you recognize that you were chosen for this purpose, your stance becomes that much stronger.  When you know your purpose and that God has placed you here for that purpose, it is easier to reconcile the pain and hurt that you will endure when your purpose is being fulfilled.

I'm sure that many of you have some great needs during this time in your life and we are praying for you and your needs.  However, don't focus on you needs and what you don't have.  Focus on loving your spouse that way that Jesus does and your obedience to God.

The result of your obedience will be humility.  The aim of your humility will be to become a stepping stone to Jesus.  The purpose of becoming a stepping stone to Jesus is to glorify God.

Josh and Serena

Worn

WORN

I’m Tired I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world

And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

My prayers are wearing thin
Yeah, I’m worn
Even before the day begins
Yeah, I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
So, heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause all that’s dead inside will be reborn

Though I’m worn
Yeah I’m worn

~Tenth Avenue North

Let Go and Let God

Like everything else we talk about, it's all about God.  It's Him that gives us the strength to stand.  It's Him that causes our hearts to stay soft.  It's Him that leads us down the path that we must walk.  He's the One.  He's the One that will be bringing your spouse home.  He's the One that will cause you to be ready for them to come home.  That brings up a great question: Are you ready for your spouse to come home?

If your spouse walked through the door could you welcome them with open arms as the father welcomed his prodigal home?  Do you need to hear them give a speech? Do you expect them to owe you? Do you expect a honeymoon stage?  Or do you just want your spouse back where God wants them and allow God to keep working on them?

When God brought Josh home, Josh was in no way sweeping me off my feet and apologetic for his behavior.  It was only prayer that kept him home.  So, if you think that it's hard to pray your spouse home don't think that the battle ends there.  The battle to keep them home is just as hard, if not harder.

Your spouse heard you say your home was a safe place; they heard you say you wanted them home.  They want to know if it's really true.  They know they have done wrong but they will not knowingly walk into a place that is full of misery.  Misery comes from the devil and the devil has just spent the the last few days, weeks, months, and years making them miserable...do you think they want to move back into that scenario?  So, here's the question again: Are you ready for your spouse to come home?

Have you allowed God to work and change YOU into the spouse He has called you to be?

Every time you have an argument do you bring up the past?  Do your conversations always end up in an argument?  Remember about misery?  It's from the devil.  And your spouse doesn't want that.  They want peace.  They want to come home to peace.  Are you showing them peace?  Peace comes from the Prince of Peace.  So, the question we asked must be turned into: Are you being Jesus to your spouse?

We are called to be like Jesus.  We are called to love like Him.  Unconditional.  Without reservation.  Some would call it tough love.  Jesus loves each of us like this.  Regardless of what we do to Him He continues to love us.  He never punishes us.  His love calls us into right relationship.  And the same applies to our spouses.  We are not called to punish them for what they did to us.  We are called to love them back into right relationship.  Yea, they might just keep taking from you and not giving anything back.  How many times have we done that to Jesus and His love has not faltered towards us.


We have been on this path for about 5 years, and we know that bringing up the past is going to happen.  BUT it does not have to happen in the middle of a fight.  There is nothing more harmful than attacking your spouse for the wrongs they have done.

Josh is up in New York right now.  Yes, my husband who spent years and years cheating on me is in a strange city, hotel rooms, bars, and free time.  Did we talk about the past before he left? You bet, we did.  Did we fight about it--NO!  Being wise in conversation is a good thing, talking about touchy subjects is good.  You will not grow and heal without them, but you have to pray for God to bring your spouse to that place.  Remember, we have been on this road longer than most of you, and Josh was NOT going to talk peacefully when he first came home.  You can not expect your spouse to be like Josh is now when he comes home.  It would be reasonable to assume that he will try to sneak off and hook up with his mistress.  You should probably expect that he will yell at you and make life miserable.  You might expect that you will never get past that first week.  But you will.  Keep praying and be sure to keep your heart quiet.

I don't trust Josh to keep his act together. I don't trust myself to not fall.  I would be a fool if I did.  I only trust God to keep us both.  Our relationship with God is what keeps us from falling.  Sending Josh away may not be easy, but it helps me to keep trusting that God is going to protect us.

It may sound cliche' but the adage, "Let go and let God" couldn't be more true.  We must let go and put complete trust in Him in order to restore our broken lives and marriages.

The Ultimate Valentine

I realized that many will not be remembered on this day of hearts, ribbon, and candy. An elderly woman may be sitting at home alone with no phone calls from children or friends. A homeless man may be scavenging through garbage cans in search of his next meal. A child may sit in his bedroom afraid while his parents argue and scream from another room. And, then there is the stander--hurt, betrayed ,and alone.  Although this day was set aside as a holiday to express love and thoughtfulness to loved ones, many will be left with broken dreams and a feeling of loneliness. Our Savior and redeemer, Jesus Christ, came and demonstrated His love in a way that no one else could, He opened His arms wide on Calvary while He hung on a cross to show His love to a world that needed embracing from it's Creator.

How could this wonderful Savior love us in such a way? God’s word says, “God demonstrated His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Rom. 5:8). Even before we had a clue that we were in need of a Savior, God poured out His love. This was not an “all talk and no action” God, this was the King of the universe standing behind His word and putting love into action.

Red roses, hearts, candy, balloons did not greet Him as he walked to Calvary. He bore thorns of injustice, hate, and sin upon His brow. Jesus did not experience being loved when His disciples scattered and one denied Him. Because of His great love towards us, the Son of God took upon Himself the torment that was the weight of our sins.He did all this and became the ultimate valentine for the entire world. He showed His great love for us in a way that no one else could. Nor will there ever be another who has loved us is such a magnificent way. “Greater love has no one than this, that He laid down His life for His friends.” (John 15:13). Spend today basking in His love. 

Pray for your spouse. Pray that He is making them into the person He created them to be. Intercede specifically for wisdom, vision, meekness and humility. Ask the Holy Spirit to empower you to live a life of purity in this often sensual-driven society. Ask the Holy Spirit to empower your spouse to do the same. It doesn't matter how it looks on the outside. I believe that God wants;us to be people that love His Word, His people, and His Presence, so I pray for those desires to trump all others. Pray that God will give your spouse only eyes for you. Pray that God remove the other person. 

Until the day you can celebrate Valentine's Day the way you imagine, allow God to make you into the person that He created you to be. Allow God to be always be your Ultimate Valentine; He earned it. 

Pray: Lord, I ask You to imprint Your love into the depths of my heart. I believe You have a great future for me and that I can walk in Your purpose for my life. Amen.

For your Maker is your husband--the LORD Almighty is his name--the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. Isaiah 54:5

Caught In The Crossfire

Lately, we have been seen a huge increase in the readership of this blog.  Also, we have been getting a lot of emails from many of you out there asking for prayer and support.  And something that we have seen in many of those emails and stories are children caught in the horrible tragedy of a broken home.  Your children and the health of their spirits is what prompted this blog post.

What do you do with the children that have been caught in the middle of your home?  How do you deal with them?  But more specifically, how do you protect their view of your spouse?  Don’t forget; your spouse is also their parent!

When we were dealing with Josh’s absence from our home, I made sure that I did not poison them against him.  And I would not allow anyone else to talk bad about Josh around the kids.  I did not tell them all of the terrible things that he was doing or saying.  Yes, I told the kids that we needed to pray for Daddy.  I also told them that Daddy was running from God.  I did not lie to them.  However, I did not allow the weight of his sin to be carried by them.  And still, they suffered tremendously.  But now, looking back there is nothing that I would have changed about how I dealt with Josh, the kids, and God.  God is now able to receive all the glory in the way our kids hearts have come through that whole ordeal unscathed and open to Him.

As we share with you make sure that you keep in mind that our story is our story.  What we did and dealt with may have many of the same details but it is not your story.  We believe that the outcome can be the same (a restored marriage) but how you get to that place must be lead by the Holy Spirit.  Use our story as beacon of hope that God is in the business of restoring hearts, marriages, and people.  However, please do not use our story as a way of expecting what will happen and when.  It is easy to allow yourself to demand that God hold to the same timeline that He had us on and become frustrated and discouraged when it doesn't happen.  Your marriage will be restored and you will have your very own testimony.  Allow God to write it.

So, when Josh left he didn't physically leave right away.  He moved into the garage for a few weeks before he moved out.  He attempted to still do the things with the kids like he had every other day.  But there was only so much of his rebellion that I could take.  You could say that I forced him to move out and you would be correct.  But, I didn't force him to leave just to be hateful towards him.  I forced him to leave for the health of my family.  I knew in my spirit that whatever it was that Josh was dealing with would be harmful if left free in our home.  Making him leave was going to be best for the kids.

During that whole process I had to rely on the Holy Spirit to tell me what to do because I had no reference to look to.  Who did I know that had walked through this?  Who could tell me what to expect?  The answer: no one.  Only God, in His omniscience, had the ability to lead me through the heart-wrenching decisions that had to be made in order for my kids to remain close to God and for Josh to be rescued.

After Josh moved out, the kids and I prayed for him.  If you take nothing else away from this, take this.  Pray for your spouse with your kids.  You know what they can handle as far as details go.  But you can tell them that Daddy/ Mommy is running from God and that every time that they pray for them God hears those prayers.  Remember, they are children.  You must lead them.  If you don’t pray for your spouse, they will not pray either.  Every night when I put the kids to bed I would ask them if they were my warriors!  Praying for Daddy became our battle cry!  Fight, Fight, Fight!  

Josh tried to play the “good” divorced dad.  But I knew that it would not last.  He would take them all out to dinner and would call them almost every day.  Our daughter would continually ask me when Daddy was coming home.  I had no answer for her other than to point her back to God and pray.  She would ask Josh and he would say he didn't know.  But she kept on praying, because I did.  When Josh was busy doing his "thing" I didn't allow that pain to be known; I would explain he was really busy and had things to do.  It's not worth giving details to make them deal with bitterness or anger. 

One of the biggest things that I did during that time was to not talk to the kids about Josh in a negative way.  The truth is that Josh was a scumbag and a total loser for walking out on his beautiful 7-month pregnant wife and 3 gorgeous children.  However, I could not allow those feelings any ground to set in.  You may feel these kind of emotions but you can NOT allow them to be mixed with a soft heart.  In order for me to feel those things would be my first sign that my heart was turning bitter.  I did not tell them that he was living a morally depraved life and that it would take a move of God to keep him from killing himself with his choices.  However, I did tell them that he was still my husband and that he was still their dad.  I told them that God still loved him and that God was going to rescue Daddy’s heart.  Regardless of what he did or was doing, those things were still true.  His position as husband, father, and child of God had not changed.  He may have forgotten them but I would be damned if I forgot that or let the kids forget that.  I had to see Josh in the same way that God saw Josh or all would be lost.

The position and role that your spouse occupied in your home is still their position and role.  They are still your spouse.  You are still married to them.  Your spouse is still your kid’s parent.  They may not want to fulfill those roles and may be unable to accurately do their duty but their role hasn't changed.

I reflected this concept to the kids.  Daddy was still daddy.  He was still my husband.  My actions did not show disrespect to him.  As hard as that was, I purposed to treat him like my husband even if he was not acting like it.  Therefore, my kids respected him as their dad because he was their dad. As far as they were concerned something didn't feel right, but they could not be burdened with the full weight. We went shopping for Daddy's birthday presents, and we talked about him coming home.  I may not have had the answers, but we were not going to allow NEVER into our home. 

There were some times that I denied Josh access to the kids.  That included not seeing them and not calling them.  Yes, it broke my heart to do it but at that moment I felt like that is what the Holy Spirit was leading me to do.  And then there were other times that I encouraged him to come over more and be around more than I had.  Again, that is what I felt led to do.  I cannot explain why I did those things other than to point back to the Holy Spirit.  He was leading, not me.

And as far as the other participant in that whole unholy equation, that was something I would not budge on.  I would not allow Josh to be with the kids and “her” at the same time.  It really did not come up but I made sure to keep our children away from any circumstance where they would have the opportunity to meet “her.”  But, this circumstance is another instance where you will have to rely upon the Holy Spirit’s guidance. Start praying and asking the Lord to give you grace and mercy so that you will act and react as Jesus would. Walk in unconditional love.  That is the secret in dealing with the other person.  Keep asking yourself, "What would Jesus say or do?"  It is a great thing if your spouse wants to be with them.  There are so many that do not care.  But, this is not just hard for you, it is very hard on your child.  Start praying and ask the Lord to remove this other person from coming to all functions and activities.  Prayer works!  You must realize that this is a battle done in prayer.  The times that Josh had the kids alone I spent the ENTIRE time praying; I didn't do anything else.  He had to use our car to take them, because we had so many car seats.  I prayed over his car.  Satan wanted nothing more than to cause even more hurt during those moments.  You just have to realize that it's a fight for what's right.  Let your prayer be Romans 12:9-21.

Like anything required for standing for your marriage this will not be easy.  It will take everything within you and probably some that you don’t have (which is why you need to have the Holy Spirit lead you) to treat your spouse as though their role has not changed.  But, if you are faithful to follow where he leads you will have the opportunity to see your children and their wayward parent to have a completely restored relationship. The kids saw me cry; they saw Josh and I  talk. They knew, however, when I dried my tears that my hurt was because of the pain this was causing.  My pain was not going to dictate my behavior.  They would never find me talking about how horrible he was being.

Today, Josh and the kids are beautiful together.  There is not any indication of his past missteps in their relationship.  Those horrific three months that he was gone are never talked about with the kids.  Not because we are hiding it from them.  In fact, I would be surprised if they even remember it happening.  This is not to brag about what we did but because of the awesome restoring power of our God.  The kids know that we have a passion for marriages because of things that we have gone through.  But that past does not enter into the relationship between Josh and the kids.  They love him tremendously and he loves them more.  They respect him and honor him in every way.  They will do anything for their daddy and he will do more for them.  I thank God that every day that I listened to the Holy Spirit and followed His lead in regards to what I should do in the horrible situation that we found ourselves in.  God receives all the glory in the relationship between me, Josh, and the kids.

Follow the Holy Spirit’s lead.  Pray for your spouse with your children.  Honor your spouse because their role demands it.  Don’t talk bad about your spouse even if you REALLY want to and don’t allow anyone else to do so.  Your children will follow if you set the example.  These are things that I did through the Holy Spirit and we are seeing the fruit of it now.

Josh and Serena

ALWAYS

Zombie Killer

Josh's book is available for free download today! 

February 3, 2013

No Grapes on the Vines

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights." Habakkuk 3:17-19

Depression and oppression are one of the enemy's favorite tricks. He loves it when we start doubting that we have heard from God with regard to our marriages and families. He has circumstances come against us that tell us it is impossible. But we serve the God of the impossible and nothing is too big for Him. 

There is comfort in the name of Jesus. Sometimes that's the only word we can get out but it's the only name we need. Repeat it over and over if you have to and let His comfort wash over your soul. It will work!  Go to sleep speaking His name. Do not spend time talking about all of the negative.  Speak His Name.  Things happen when His Name is spoken.  Demons tremble when His Name is spoken.  Knees bow at His name.  Speak His Name.  Over and over and over.

Memorize this verse: 

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name." Psalm 147:304 

This God who is so great that He numbers the stars and calls them each by name is the same God who wants to heal your broken heart and bind up your wounds. 

We would even recommend that you keep a bunch of note cards with verses that mean something to you in regards to your marriage.  Serena still has hers.  Sometimes circumstances have us bowed down in defeat and ready to quit; doubting that this is God's will for us. You found this website, not because you stumbled across it but because God lead you here.  You decided to take up this stand because God placed it upon your heart. Do not give up now! Many people are depending on you - your children, your family, your friends and most of all, your spouse. They need your prayers now more than ever. Don't let the enemy tell you otherwise. The enemy didn't put this on your heart, which means that he is the one going to try and convince you to give up. 

Sometimes the circumstances get to us and we just want to stop hurting. In order to do that, we have to stop caring. But apathy, like many other hurting emotions, is a tool of the enemy. He wants us to stop caring; he wants us to stop praying; he wants us to give up. Don't let the enemy's fiery darts dictate your stand. Getting depressed and giving up will destroy you. 

Ask God today--ask Him to renew and refresh your commitment. Ask Him to make your footing for your stance sure and stable.  Ask Him to place His peace in Your heart and make His Word real to you. Remember the promises He has made.

"As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Instead of the thorn bush will grow the pine tree, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the LORD's renown, for an everlasting sign, which will not be destroyed." Isaiah 55:10-13

We must continue to stand and continue to pray so that God may be glorified.

The enemy is always ready to use whatever weapon he feels will defeat us completely. Apathy is one of his favorite.  It isn't a direct attack that is easy to speak against. Instead, he sneaks in the back door with his apathy and whispers, "If you quit caring, you won't hurt anymore."  It may sound like he is telling you the truth.  But the truth is if you quit caring you will hurt worse and for longer.  

Don't be a quitter. As difficult as this is, especially when a stand has been long, it is something we are called to do. Our stories may be a different time frame, but I assure you the pain is real no matter the time.  

Remember that God is on your side, especially when circumstances want to drown you and the enemy wants to deceive you. Let Him refresh you with His Holy Spirit and restore you with His Word. Hold tight to His hand and don't let complacency rob you of the joy that He promises. The best is yet to come.

May God refresh and renew your spirit today. May He give you new insight into the circumstances you face. May He shine His light in your dark places and help you to shine like the child of God that you are.

"The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off-for all whom the Lord our God will call." Acts 2:39 

Josh and Serena

The Covenant Trumps Everything

It is always so great when you read something in the Word of God that encourages you to keep focused on Him instead of your circumstances.  Recently, as we were reading with our kids in the book of Exodus, for school, we ran across some Scripture that reinforced the fact that God sides with the Covenant.  If you have a Bible, you should get it out to follow along and read for yourself.

As you may well know by now, we believe and take great comfort in the fact that God always sides with the Covenant.  It does not matter what the Covenant references.  He always will support, honor, defend, and remember His Covenant.  When God makes a Covenant with His people He does so knowing the full ramifications of His doing so.  He knows that we may fall short of upholding the Covenant.  He knows that we will forsake the terms of the Covenant.  He knows that we may not always honor the Covenant.  But He ALWAYS will remember His Covenant.  Even if it seems to us that it would be easier to negate the full terms of it and allow it to be forgotten.  He honors His Word that He swore in the Covenant.

Exodus 6 is the beginning of the story of when God has Moses lead the children of Israel out of Egypt.  There is some very interesting wording that is used in this passage.  In verse 4 it says, "I reaffirmed my Covenant with them."  What Covenant was God referring to?  The one that He made with Abraham MANY years before.  He had sworn in that Covenant that He would give Abraham and his descendants the land of Canaan.  God did not need reminding of His Covenant.  Verse 5 says the He heard the groans of Israel and was well aware of the Covenant.  The Covenant was still the foremost thought in the mind of God even though it was over 400 years that Israel had been in Egypt.

Israel could not understand that God had promised them land of Canaan but they were stuck as slaves in Egypt.  They could not see the fulfillment of the Covenant because of the situation that they were in.  In verse 9 it says that Israel had become too discouraged by the brutality of their slavery.  However, their situation (being slave in Egypt) or the brutality of it did not negate or detract from the terms of the Covenant.  God was still going to honor the covenant and bring them into that promised land.

Whats does this mean for us?  It means that in spite of the horrible situations that we find ourselves in our marriages that God has not forgotten the Covenant.  It means that in the midst of the brutality of our current circumstances that God's marriage Covenant is still His foremost thought towards us.  It means that although our marriage may look like Egypt, He is taking us from Egypt into Canaan, the land of promise.  Do NOT misread this and think that we are advocating you leaving your spouse in order to find a new relationship to get into or that we are suggesting that your marriage is not the promised land and you need to be waiting for a new marriage.  What we are saying is this: God has not forgotten His Covenant between Himself, you, and your spouse!  He remembers it in its fullness and is currently working to accomplish all of it.  Even though your circumstances may cause you to doubt His ability to accomplish it, He will still do it.  Why?  Because God CANNOT lie.  If He lied even once all of creation would crumble because everything that is was formed by His Word.  Therefore, the words that He spoke when the three of you (you, your spouse, and God Almighty) joined into the marital Covenant MUST be accomplished.

What we must realize and what the enemy of our souls (aka the Devil) wants us to forget is this: the Covenant trumps everything!  The power of Covenant does not reside with the weakest of participants and, as a result, easily broken.  The power of the Covenant comes from the most powerful of participants and, as a result can only be broken by one more powerful that He.  All lies are subject to the truth of the Covenant.  All disobedience is corrected by the honoring of the Covenant.  All other ties are broken by the binding of the Covenant.  The Devil knows that the Covenant is  binding agreement.  He knows that he has no legal ground upon which to stand.  He knows all of this and wants you to forget it.  However, it does not matter if you forget or have moments of doubt; the Lord is well aware of His Covenant.  He remembers it.  He honors it.  He defends it.  Even at our weakest moments, and when we cannot see the Covenant because of the brutality of the situation, He is still powerful and is remembering His sworn Covenant.

You may feel like you are in Egypt: a hopeless house of bondage from which you cannot escape the pain of. It may look like there is nothing good that can come from this situation.  But do NOT stop standing.  You don't have to advance the Covenant; you just have to hold on to it.  He will do bring in the fullness of the Covenant.

It may feel like Pharaoh (the Devil) is not allowing the Covenant to come to pass.  But, do not forget what Exodus 6 says.  Verse 1 says, "When he (Pharaoh) feels the force of My strong hand, he will let the people go.  In fact, he will force them to leave his land."  And in verse 6 is the promise, "I am the Lord.  I will free you from your oppression and will rescue from you from your slavery in Egypt.  I will redeem you with a powerful arm and great acts of judgment."

All we have to do is stand, friend.  Don't give up.  Take comfort in the fact that He remembers the Covenant and is actively working to cause it to happen...even if we can't see it at the moment.  The Covenant trumps EVERYTHING!!  The Covenant never loses!!  The Covenant is never lost!!

Josh and Serena

A Mission or Just an Idea?

Dear Stander, 

A lot of people are NOT going to stand with you. My advice is to just stand, and pray that God reveals to you the people who are standing with you. Now, if you are unsure about your stand maybe THIS is the reason for the hesitancy you may see around you. I finally had to tell my friends and family that I was standing--no matter what--no matter HOW bad it got. AND if they were my friends then they would REMIND me that I said I would NEVER give up...and to NOT let me. Yes, I was THAT serious; IF I wavered I needed people to stand alongside of me, even if they thought it was crazy. I wanted them to REMIND me of what I said. It didn't get to that point. The reason was not because I was so strong but as we build ourselves up in the Lord and ask the Holy Spirit to come alongside and encourage us DAILY, asking God to confirm His words in our heart it's really difficult to change our minds and go against the Heart of God. If He gave you a word to STAND, then He isn't changing your mind. He hasn't changed His mind; He is right there. WE choose to walk away from the mission. Family will SEE your resolve. Does this mean you won't hurt....oh, I promise you will. If your heart is soft it will WEEP with a pain you can't imagine. BUT this is GOD; he wants to give you HIS heart for the lost. Your prodigal is LOST. WEEP for them. "Standing" is not just an idea, if it is....you won't be able to stand for long. 

Now, some of you have children!  Many of your friends might think you are teaching them to accept sin and bad behavior.  In regards to your children, maybe this is the reason you are having the questions. In your stand, are you displaying faith in the impossible?  Are you steadfast?  Are you loving God and the sinner? Are you displaying your stand for the covenant?  Are you praying for the lost? How can this be a wrong example for your children? Are you excusing sin? My children, without doubt, KNEW/KNOW that sin is unacceptable and displeasing to our Father. They knew Josh's behavior was unacceptable, so it's not that you are standing for sin being right; God deals with the sinner. You are standing for the covenant to be upheld. Make sense? 

We have received DOZENS of e-mails the last month, and so many keep saying "our stories are alike."  Yes, because the master of deceit, lies, and evil is the same no matter the person. Satan seeks to destroy destinies, and he really doesn't have any new tactics. Things look the same, because it's the SAME spirit. 

BUT, be encouraged, the Spirit that lives inside of you is MUCH stronger, and if GOD be for you WHO can be against you? God is FOR YOU!!! He does impossible things!! Stand with Him! Gain confidence in your stand, and your friends will see that you mean business. Are you passionate? People want a mission--give them one!! 

"Finally,brethren, pray for us, that the word of the Lord may run swiftly and be glorified, just as it is with you, and that we may be delivered from unreasonable and wicked men; for not all have faith. But the Lord is faithful, who will establish you and guard you from the evil one." II Thessalonians 3:11

I will be praying for you. Thank you for sharing your stories with us; it helps us to know how to pray!  

Much love, 
Serena Abdelaziz

Bare Knuckled Books First Release

Many of you have inquired about what we have been up to this last year. Let us share with you, Josh just finished his book Zombie Killer: A Bare-Knuckled Approach to Christian Living.  It was almost a year ago that he was one of many featured authors at the 2012 Convergence Conference at Resurrection Fellowship in Loveland, CO.  It has been quite a journey for us to bring this book to publication.  However, the time has finally come for this message to be made public.

This book is about our need to die to our flesh daily.  Too often we assume that we can live our new-found Christianity through our old habits and vices.  When we try to do this we wind up discouraged and frustrated.  Many of us have given up the faith because we lost heart.  Hopefully, through this book the Lord will allow us to overcome the things that cause us to stumble in our walk.

We chose to make this book available through Amazon.com as an e-book.  We chose this avenue to hopefully reach more readers with the truth that is expressed within its pages.  Although we have released it exclusively for Amazon’s Kindle, you do not have to have a Kindle to read it.  You can easily download a Kindle e-reader for PC/MAC.  We have made it available for only $2.99, a reasonable price.  It is also available through Amazon’s lending library which would cost you nothing.  This is not about making money for us; it’s about getting the Gospel out.  And for those that don’t feel like spending the money to purchase, Josh will be making it available for free downloads from time to time.

Our desire is to have it ready and available for hard copy purchase in the near future.  However, that costs money.  If you feel led to contribute to investing in this ministry and the needs associated with this endeavor, you may contribute via Paypal. (see link below or on the main blog page) 

Our prayer is that this is just the first of many books that the Lord will pen through us.  Thank you for your belief in us and the Lord’s work.
            We will continue to speak into your marriage and help in any way we can. Many of you have asked if there was another way to see the life of a returned prodigal, and this will give you a picture of the things that were necessary to keep the zombie, in Josh, dead.  Feel free to leave reviews and comments on here or on Amazon. Thank you for your continued love and support, as we put ourselves back on the front lines of battle.

Josh and Serena

CLICK to BUY Zombie Killer: A Bare-Knuckled Approach to Christian Living

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A Prophetic Repentance

From the prodigal to the stander:

There are some things that I need to say to you.  When you read this I may not even be at the place in my life where these words can actually come out of my mouth.  However, I know that somewhere deep down locked away in my heart these words desperately want to come out.  Even though I am sorry, this is more than just an "I'm sorry"; this is a prophetic repentance.

I need to apologize for who I have become.  Who I am right now is not the person that you married.  The person that you married would never hurt you or do you harm.  I am confused, lost, and sick.  I don't know who I am.  I cannot seem to find my bearings to get home to you.  I am so sick that everything that I once held dear I have forfeited and sold so that I could remain sick.  Any sane person would have sold everything to find a cure for their illness but I have sold everything so that I could become sicker.  The person that you married was strong and secure.  They were unafraid to put a ring on the finger and be called yours.  But the person that I was on our wedding day was replaced by a deranged individual that wants to hurt you.

I need to apologize for lying to you.  I told you that I would love you forever.  I told you that I would be there in sickness and in health.  I said I would be there for richer or for poorer.   I said I would love you for as long as we both lived.  Our love was supposed to be the one that made everybody else jealous.  We were supposed to be together until death.  When you ask me if everything is OK, I lie to you.  I'm not OK.  I have been struggling for a long time.  You have never judged me but I feel as though if I told you how I was struggling, you would.  It is my own insecurities that make me this way.

I need to apologize for being extremely selfish.  I have not cared for a moment about the consequence of my actions.  I have only been interested in the things that made me happy.  Actually these things I have been doing and involved in didn't really make me happy.  They appeased me for a moment.  It feels like I am addicted to doing the wrong thing.  My actions give me a temporary buzz but afterwards, when I am alone, I feel completely empty.  I don't remember the last time I felt complete.  Wait!  Yes, I do remember.  The last time that I felt whole and complete and truly happy...was with you. I want to come home.

I need to apologize for breaking your heart.  I took your most precious gift and tore it all to pieces.  I did not think for a moment about what I am doing and how it would affect you.  When we became husband and wife, and probably some time before, you gave me all the pieces of your heart.  The good, the bad, the ugly. You entrusted me with all those pieces.  And I took them and have used them as a weapon against you.  I took your heart, broke it, stepped on it, and spat on it.  I took the only thing that ever really mattered to me and destroyed it.

I need to apologize for destroying your ability to trust.  You trusted me to keep your heart safe.  You trusted me to act as though you were physically standing next to me, even when you weren't.  You trusted me to make decisions that were in the best of us, not just me.  You trusted me to share only with you my most intimate parts; physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  I took those things and gave them to someone else.

I need to apologize for failing you.  You used to lean on me for strength when you were weak.  I used to protect you from everyone.  I promised to love you.  I promised to be there.  You trusted me.  You loved me.  You were always there.  And I failed to hold up my side of the covenant.

I need to apologize for turning from and running from God.  He is the One that brought us together.  He is the One that was going to keep us together.  He still is.  However, right now I left Him.  I don't feel like I can even approach Him.  It feels like I can't come back to Him because of everything that I have done.

You know me better than anyone else.  You always have.  I think that is what makes all of this so difficult for you.  Who you see in me now is not who you have always known.  But the me you have always known is still here.  I am covered in sin, filth, and shame right now.  And I don't want you to see me like this.  It makes me feel uncomfortable.  That's why I always put on a front when we are around or when we talk.  I might come off as carefree and uncaring, or mad and unavailable, or cold and calculating.  But I have to act that way to push you away because the way that you love me makes me feel unworthy.  I know that you want us back together.  I do too but I don't know how to get there.

The way that I look on the outside is not how I feel on the inside.  I still love you.  But I put myself into this extremely dangerous cycle that I don't know how to break.  This cycle that I find myself is going to kill me if I don't get out of it.  Will you please help me break it?  Will you pray for me?  Will you pray that God finds my weak spot?  Will you pray that in that weak spot God pours His powerful grace though it?  Will you pray that His grace breaks me to my very core and allows the person that you married to be made right again?  Will you pray that who you know I really am to come back into the foreground?  Will you pray that who I have become is destroyed?  Because I want to come home.

I know that the road home is going to take a whole lot of hard decisions.  I know that getting us back to where we are supposed to be is going to take a whole lot of work.  And I am sure that I am going to act as though I don't want to do it.  But deep down, I am willing to do anything to get us back.  I want to come home.

Can I come home?  Will you help me find my way?

Your prodigal

This may not seem true to life for you right now but it is the truth.  You may never hear this from your spouse but this is what is going on inside of them.  These are things that you need to know.  This is a prophetic repentance from a former prodigal (Josh) that is now a stander.

Do not lose heart in your stance.  Your prayers do not fall on the ears of a deaf god.  Our Heavenly Father hears every one of your prayers.  Stand strong, friends.

Josh and Serena