The Unknown

If you were told before you were married that you would be here at this point in your marriage, would you still have gone through with it?  The majority of us (being simple humans with simple logic) would say no.   Why would you?  If you could avoid the type of pain and heartache that you are experiencing right now, why not avoid it?

Why would you want to feel the pain of being rejected by a spouse that you pledged your life to?  Why would you willingly put yourself in a place to be hurt and wounded by a loved one so profoundly?  Why live with the pain of having your heart ripped out?  Why do it?

Looking at your plight from the outside, some would not understand why you would endure such pain and agony.  But you know from having had the joy of being loved that it is worth the price paid.  You know the pleasure of being in a covenant relationship with another that you will endure whatever to be restored back to that individual.

As we embark into the married life we face a great unknown.  We don't know if we will be accepted or rejected for who we are.  We don't know if our heart will be embraced or shattered.  But it is a risk we are willing to take because we know that what lies on the other side of the vows, rings, and wedding cake is far better than where we are now.  And in spite of the pain we may encounter being in a covenant relationship, we lay everything on the line, not for love but for wholeness.  We do it all for the restoration of who we were meant to be.  And we can only be that when we become united with spouse.

As we face the unknowns in our marriages we will encounter a myriad of emotions, thoughts, and decisions.  We cannot run from the unknowns but must face them head-on.  They will lead us on strange paths and delicate predicaments.  But, isn't that what faith is all about?  Not seeing what lies beyond but going down the path anyways?  The substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen?  We don't know what the unknowns hold but somehow we know that there is something worth holding on and holding out for.

So, why would we go through it all and face the possibility of being rejected?  Jesus did.  Now, go back and read this from the beginning.  He did it for you; now, do it for your spouse.

Hebrews 12:2

Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith;

who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross,

despising the shame,

and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Josh and Serena

Walking on Water

Do you remember the story of Peter walking on water?  Real quick summary for those that might have forgotten the story.  Jesus is walking on the water to reach the disciples in a boat in the middle of the sea.  Peter calls to Jesus and asks Him to call him to Himself if it is really Him.  Jesus calls, Peter jumps out, begins toward Jesus and sinks after seeing the wind and waves.  Jesus rescues him.

Most of the time we emphasize the point that Jesus rescued Peter when Peter began to sink, which is true.  However, we miss the point that Peter WAS walking on the water.  For how far we don' know but he was doing it.  While Peter focused on Jesus he was able to walk on top of the circumstances that in any other instance would have been impossible.  It was when his gaze shifted from Jesus to what was surrounding him did he begin to sink.

Where is your focus?  What has grabbed your attention?  If you are focused on Jesus, you will be able to do the impossible.  You will be able to forgive a spouse that has (for all intents and purposes) wrecked your life.  You will be able to allow grace and mercy to flow as a healing balm within your marriage.  When focused on Jesus your responses will not be your own; they will be like that of Jesus.  In spite of what is happening around you you will be able to walk with ease on top of the tumultuous circumstances that would seek to pull you under and kill you.

However, if your gaze is turned from Jesus to the wind and the waves, you WILL sink.  The ups and downs of human emotions will drag you down.  The lies and deceit will attempt to swallow you whole.  The circumstances, the elements, the hopelessness of the situation all will seek to overtake you and kill you.  One moment you will be on top of it all, the next beneath it all seeking and grasping for The Rescuer.

He will be faithful to rescue when you reach for Him.  But, what He really wants is for your gaze and focus to never leave Him.  The situation may not change because you focus on Jesus.  But your ability to walk on top of or sink beneath them will be determined by your focus.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus

Look full in His wonderful face

And the things of earth\

will grow strangely dim

in the light of His glory and grace

So, where are you looking?

Josh and Serena

The Clean Up

Remember that winter storm we were talking about a couple days ago?  Well, it came and went.  It proved to be more than everyone had bargained for.  Most of the towns look a little like a war zone around here.  The storm brought enough snow to the area that it broke tree limbs and dropped them all over.  Needless to say everyone is cleaning up the mess now.

After the storm there is a need to clean up the mess.  Maybe your marital storm has left a minimal amount of clean up necessary, while others may see total devastation.  However, no matter how big the storm or how great the damage incurred the mess left behind can be cleaned up.

A few years ago when Hurricane Katrina came through and brought devastation to New Orleans, the world watched a city and region experience a catastrophe beyond imagination.  Thousands of deaths, property damage in the millions of dollars, and city turned upside down was the outcome of New Orleans....for a time.  Even though the damage was extensive and severe, the city began to rebuild shortly thereafter.  And although there is still a rebuilding going on in that area, the damage is being reversed.  Sure, the memories of the hurricane still linger but its effects are being lessened.

The same is true for our marriages.  You may be experiencing your very own Hurricane Katrina in your home, marriage, and life but all is not lost.  A marriage can be saved out of the rubble.  Nothing is so far gone or destroyed that it cannot be rebuilt.  It may feel like you have lost everything and that may be true  But, with some spiritual elbow grease, some prayer, and lots of tears a marriage can rise from the ashes into a thing of beauty.  Not because of what you or I can do but what the Master can do.

Hurricane Katrina may have been rebuilt with human hands but the restored marriage that glorifies God will be rebuilt and restored by the hands of the Almighty.  Let the clean up begin...

Josh and Serena

Key Personnel

As most of you know, Josh has a group of guys that he meets with every couple of weeks to keep him sharpened.  And tonight, Serena is out developing a friendship with another women that may prove to be the same for her.  We recognize the need for people in our lives that will help us on our journey to being all that we should be in Christ and in our marriages.

While most of the time when you are standing for your marriage you will be alone, it is important to look for those people that you can count on to be there when the going gets tough.  Because it will get tough sooner or later.  And the people that we all need are those people that will not kiss our backsides and tell us we are right all the time.  We need people that will hold our feet to the fire and be in our faces when we will not listen to anyone else.  At this point these "friends" become key personnel in our fight for our marriage.

On more than one occasion, Serena has enlisted Josh's friends to be key personnel in his walk to be the man he is supposed to be.  Not that he was sinning but rather that he needed a swift kick in the spiritual rear to get him back on track.  (I approve this comment....Josh)  And when Serena was dealing with my departure from the marriage, her mom fulfilled this key personnel role.  Serena told her at the beginning of the journey what her standards were and that if she ever lost sight of them her mom was to remind her.  No matter how tough it was!!  At that point her mom stopped being her mom and became some key personnel.

We need these people.  Ask God for these kinds of people.  People that will stick close to you no matter how ugly the situation may be.  These people won't need the recognition for their place in your life.  Their reward is seeing you and your marriage blossom to the fullest.  These people cannot stand in your place for your marriage....only you can do that.  But, they can stand with you and watch your back.

This kind of friendship reminds me of Frodo and Bilbo Baggins from The Lord of the Rings.  At one point when Frodo couldn't climb the mountain anymore nor could he let anyone else carry the ring, Bilbo Baggins said, "I can't carry the ring but I can carry you!!!" And he picked up Frodo so that Frodo's purpose would be fulfilled.

No one else can stand for your marriage.  God gave you grace for that burden.  But, you can ask for people to accompany you on that journey.  And God, who does not hold back any good thing from His kids, will answer with like minded people for the task at hand.

Josh and Serena

Admiring Something Lovely

Do you admire your spouse?  Yes, even the spouse who isn't around, the spouse who won't give you the time of day, the spouse sleeping around, and even the spouse who divorced you!  Um, yeah, that's the one we are talking about.  When Josh was gone it was something that I had to put into practice, even more so.....

I was always taught to admire.  Looking for something, anything was always a priority, but what happens when it doesn't seem that ANYTHING is left to admire.  Ask God to show you! Maybe God will only show you that you need to admire a marriage touched and healed by Jesus Christ, and this is the only thing you have to hold on to.

We all have something deep inside of us that makes us need admiration, and it almost feels like a necessity. I (Josh) have always felt that a compliment from Serena about my writing is much more satisfying than just anyone e-mailing me and saying they liked it.  When I (Serena) write it's without a doubt something I look forward to--hearing if Josh likes it.


Many standers get into trouble when they attempt to force emotions that are not there. You can attempt to demonstrate unconditional love to a lovable mate all day, but sooner or later, something will happen, or words exchanged, that are just too much and the unconditional love evaporates in an instant. And for women, the unconditional respect that our husbands need....it quickly goes out the window when our husbands make us mad. Something will happen to show what's really inside of us. When Josh was gone it wasn't always easy to admire him or respect him, but I had to think about something worthy....COVENANT is worthy. Focus on what God wants for your marriage, and you will be more easily equipped to deal with the ups and downs.

You may have been standing since yesterday, or for a dozen years, but here is the hard question; "Do you admire your prodigal spouse right now?" Can you "contemplate something worthy" in them? Do you have "esteem" and "respect" for your beloved, without adding, "Yes, if they would only ..."  (these were questions I had to ask myself the whole time Josh was gone.....did I really admire him?) 

Our heart is that we will capture God’s view of our situation and our spouse. Without even trying, our actions and reactions will automatically begin to reflect Christ.  God's love is what makes a difference in a sinner's life, and we are to be like Christ to the sinners in our lives. The world’s way is to get mad, get even, get over and get on with life when a marriage crisis strikes. If you were to outline your marriage situation to a stranger today, I can imagine it would be hard to find anyone who, after hearing what your spouse has done, suggest that you admire or "contemplate something lovely," about them. BUT......

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- -think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." Phillipians 4:8-9

Throughout the Bible, God’s people are taught to strive for the character of Christ, and to seek those same qualities in the people we love. As we become more like Christ our actions and reactions will no longer be as abrasive or reactive, and we will see changes in our own hearts.  We will become more soft-hearted, and our spouses will also begin to feel the love of Christ, which is more powerful than anything else. 

Josh and Serena

Admiration and Praise

"I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High. My enemies turn back; they stumble and perish before you. For you have upheld my right and my cause; you have sat on your throne, judging righteously." Psalm 9:1-4

Are you praising the Lord every day in spite of your marriage problems? The final spiritual weapon that you need to use daily is praising the Lord. Praise defeats the enemy! As soon as you wake up, choose to praise and thank the Lord that He is the Lord of your life before you are even out of bed.

"I will extol the Lord at all times; His praise will always be on my lips. My soul will boast in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt His name together." Psalm 34:1-3

Praise expresses admiration, appreciation and thanks. We are to praise God both for who He is and for what He does. God inhabits the praises of His people. This means that when we praise HE is there....no matter where we are, no matter how deep in a pit we feel.  Do you feel God's peace, love, His presence and power when you are praising the Lord? When you praise the Lord, your circumstances can suddenly seem smaller and your Lord God will seem more holy, mighty and powerful. God is able to handle any and all of your problems because of His greatness.

So many times I have read how many men and women of God were put to the test or came to a crossroad having to believe in God or deny His mighty power. If we do not believing in that God can revive, restore and rebuild our marriage then we are denying His awesome power.


Praise defeats the enemy. Praise takes our problems and our needs, off of our minds and we focus on God's power, His mercy, His majesty and His love. We can't help but remember and appreciate God's character and greatness.When we start to do our devotions, put on praise music and try praising the Lord before we start reading the Bible and praying to Him daily.  Read Psalms every day....it helps! AND it won't make you feel like David was above all of us...he had his ups and downs, but he ALWAYS ends with praise.


God is worthy of our praise and admiration. Start admiring who He is and it won't be as hard to admire your spouse, more on that tomorrow.....

Josh and Serena

Winter Storms Are Brewing

Here in northern Colorado we are gearing up for our first snow storm of the winter.  We are tracking it as it comes closer.  It means work for Josh, needed moisture for our region, and a white birthday for our 5 year as he turns 6.  We are welcoming this storm.  But this process of tracking it, watching it, and the anticipation of its arrival causes us to take some perspective on the storms of our marriages.

Sometimes we can see the storm coming on the horizon; sometimes it surprises us.  If we are watching and paying attention to our marriage we can see when a potential storm is on the horizon.  Maybe its an unhealthy friendship starting or not enough spousal alone time.  Maybe its too much time apart or constant arguing about insignificant things.  Whatever it may be you can noticeably see a storm brewing.  And seeing it coming gives you options....you can either alter the path you are on so that you and your spouse can sidestep it or you can decide to go through and be wiser on the other side of it.

Seeing the storm makes it a lot easier to deal with because you can prepare for it.  But what about those storms that come out of nowhere and threaten to rip you to pieces.  The disciples found themselves in this predicament.  A storm arose while they were ferrying Jesus across the sea and they thought they would die.  And while they were preparing for death, Jesus was sleeping.  They woke Him up and asked if he even cared if they died.  Jesus got up, told it all to be still and it obeyed Him.

It's those storms that we don't expect that will test our resolve and our stance.  If you are prepared for something you can endure almost anything. It's when you are faced with an unknown variable, like a rogue marital storm, that the depth of your walk with Christ and your commitment to your marriage is tested.

When confronted with the rogue storm do you react to the situation and begin seeing how you can rescue yourself?  Do you immediately begin to think thoughts of death and despair?  Do you blame Jesus for not caring about your life and marriage?

Or do you look to Jesus and see Him sleeping in the midst of the storm?  Do you become so peaceful at the sight of your Savior sleeping that you, in turn, fall asleep?  I dare say that none of us have come to the place that this is our response to the storms of life.

But, this is where He wants us to be.  So in tune with Him and His Spirit that we only become agitated and desperate when He is.  And, in case you didn't know, Jesus doesn't get agitated or desperate...not even when He took the cross.

It's the unexpected, rogue storms that can and will test your responses.  So, embrace the unexpected...it's purpose through Christ is to make you more like Him.

Josh and Serena

Life Unexpected

It's interesting to think that whenever we are thrust into a situation that is out of our control, is beyond our comfort level, or a circumstance shows up completely unexpected...we deal with it.  We don't seek to bail or sidestep it, we just deal with it.  Our kids get sick and wind up with bodily fluids coming out up and down.  We don't disown them....we deal with it.  Our hours get cut at work.  We tighten our belts and learn to live a bit more frugally.  A health emergency sends a loved one into the hospital, creditors are asking for their money, a national crisis strikes a devastating blow.  We don't leave, we don't quit, we don't give up.  We deal with life when it takes an unexpected turn for the worse.

But, when it comes to our marriages the moment that things get rough or a little bit more than we can bear we are quick to throw in the towel.  This person that we have committed our life to we choose to discard like yesterday's trash than deal with the unexpectedness of it all.  We would rather tear our life apart and leave it in shambles than to deal with multiple pieces it seems to be in.

By not dealing with the issues that arise from within the inner workings of our marriage we are saying that we would rather continue to deal with the pain of a shattered life than to scrape the piece together and fix it.  It would be the same if you were to break a glass in your home (a window, mirror, or drinking glass) and instead of picking up the shards and cleaning up the mess you would rather continue walking, barefoot, on the broken pieces.  Continually being cut and wounded not by the act that broke the glass but by the stubbornness of refusing to clean up and repair the damage.

You would never dream of allowing broken glass to remain underfoot within your home.  Whenever glass breaks in your home, everything else stops until every piece is recovered, picked up, and disposed of.  This is not to say that your marriage is to be disposed of.  No matter what you are doing when the glass breaks, nothing else is as important as that broken glass when it happens.  Conversations are put on hold.  Pressing errands are pushed back.  Nothing else is as important as getting every piece of dangerous glass removed.  You would not want you or someone you loved to be cut by the pieces of glass left lying around.

Imagine that your marriage is a fine piece of china, something you hold dear, that has been passed down from generation to generation.  It holds memories and stories, both good and bad.  It holds history. Now imagine a series of events (your toddler playing with it, an earthquake, clumsy neighbor) that unfolds which breaks your prized possession.  Do you just sweep up the pieces and discard them?  Or do you gather the pieces and attempt to glue them back together.  It's worth a try, right?  

Maybe your marriage is like that fine china that has been broken. Maybe you allowed someone/something too close that didn't cherish it as you do. Something terrible has happened and you are left with the pieces of a failed marriage.  At this moment, NOTHING else is as important as picking up every piece and recovering all that is being lost.  Other friendships can wait.  The job or career that was so important is now trivial, at best.  What was so important yesterday is suddenly and forcibly shoved to the back burner because something of eternal significance is being torn asunder.

But, unlike a broken glass,  a broken marriage is not beyond repair.  Yes, it may be in pieces but that is OK.  You see, there is Someone who is able to take all the varied, broken, misshapen, and dangerous pieces of a marriage and rebuild it.  His Name is Father God.  If you remember He took all the miscellaneous pieces and elements of the world that we see and ordered them and structured them to take shape....all by His spoken Word.  (Genesis 1)

And right now, if you will let Him, He is desiring to speak over the pieces of your marriage.  He wants to order them and structure them so that they will bring Him glory.  And, when He is done, He will step back and call it "Good".

Will you let Him speak?

Josh and Serena

Band Aids

When I (Josh) was a teenager, I had a job working on a water truck during a drought in central California.  One day I managed to cut the palm of my hand rather severely on one of the hoses I was working with.  My boss took me home so that my mom could take me to the ER.  My mom was freaking out but by the time I got home I had finally got the bleeding to stop.  I thought we could just stick a band aid on it and I would be fine.  She insisted we go to the ER and I ended up with 6 or 7 stitches.  The wound healed rather nicely and you can barely see the scar now.

What would have happened if I had just slapped a band aid on it and just went about my business?  I probably would have got an infection and it would have taken a whole lot longer to heal.  And I would have a big ugly scar on my palm to remember the day.  When it comes to our marriages many of us are the same as the teen-aged Josh...ready to slap a band aid on a wound that needs cleaning and proper treatment.

It is inevitable for us to not suffer wounds within the course of our marriage.  If you haven't come to this conclusion yet, you should.  You are in a extremely close relationship with another person...you will hurt one another sooner or later.  Some wounds we suffer at the hands of our spouse are minor and the health of our marriage will heal them with ease.  Before the day is out you will not even remember the wound inflicted.

However, some wounds will not be healed properly without some emotional peroxide and spiritual stitches.  And you and your spouse will not be able to do the work of cleaning and closing the wound.  That is a job best left for the Master Physician.  He is able to perform surgery on the ugliest of situations and bring them to place of healing you would think is impossible.  Yes, it will hurt when He does the work.  When He cleans the wound He wants to remove every impurity from it so that no infection can set in and cause a festering, oozing, rotting disease that will eventually lead to death.  When He closes that cleaned wound it will be with a grace that will leave little to no scaring whatsoever.

He does all of this so that you can have the testimony of what you have been through but only through memories not because of the hideous scar left behind.  We stand back amazed at the work the Lord has done in us.  We know the story of where we came from and what has been done.  But people that we meet for the first time would never know about our past unless we told them.  And that is a miracle.

Sometimes, I look at my palms and forget which hand was cut.  But, if I look hard enough I can see the slight scar there on my right palm.  It reminds me of the day it happened but does not hinder my life.  And now, standing where we are, we can look back and remember the dates and days of pain and injury to our marriage but the scars that remain are fading day by day....growing increasingly smaller in the light of what He is doing in us and through us for the glory of God.

Josh and Serena

Junk Food

As much as we appreciate the support from you dear friends that read this blog everyday...as much as we like seeing your lives change because of some piece of advice we have given, we have to admit that we are so extremely humbled that you visit here.  We are nothing more that a married couple that have made some mistakes and have lived through it and are endeavoring with every ounce of our being to allow God to get glory from it.

In order for us to allow God to receive all the glory from us and our testimony we have to make sure that we are constantly sending you back to Him and His Word. If we don't then we are assuming that WE actually have something of value to offer you.  Let's just make it clear right now...apart from God, His written word, and His specific revealed word to each of us we have nothing.  It is God alone that is able to be our everything and constant.

In the course of your day as you find time to read this blog, do you read it with the hope that we will say something to inspire or encourage you to stand one more day?  If what we say or do that is your hope, then we have missed our purpose of this blog.  We write this with our hope being that we can point you back to the Father.  Your hope, your encouragement, your everything should be found...NEEDS to be found...in the person of Jesus, not us.

Is our blog your daily bread?  Or is His Word your daily bread?  If His Word is then you are feeding yourself on complete and perfect sustenance for your stand.  His Word will give you everything you need to maintain your stand.  But, if you are reading only our blog for the hope and encouragement you need to keep up your stance you are feasting on junk food.  What we write may give you a boost in your spirit but it will be short-lived and temporary at best.  His Word will fill you so that you staying power for the road ahead.  Our blog will only give you a short burst of hope but will leave you wanting and hungry for something else.

Although we love knowing that you read this faithfully, we would be more honored knowing that you invest time reading His Word FIRST.  Don't look to us to be your hope because, eventually, we will let you down.  But, He will NEVER let you down.  His Word is life.  Our blog is only junk food.


Josh and Serena

Altars

Have you ever read the Bible and noticed how often they set up altars to God?  Whenever God did something great (which is everyday, right?) the people or person stopped the routine of their life and erected an altar or monument to God.  Why did they do this?  So, that when they and others would pass it they would be reminded of the character of God and what He did on the day that the altar was built.

We think that our society today has done us a disservice by doing away with monuments and altars to God.  We will recognize the accomplishments of men with statues built in their likeness (sounds a little like idolatry).  We will laud the works of people by dedicating buildings with their names etched into them.  Even in our churches when we have building fund drives we allow people to have their names on a stone or brick that will be used to build a temple to the God that possesses the Name above all names.  It seems rather suspect to us.

We will do all these things to recognize the works of men but quickly forget the works and character of the Most High.  We forget because we don't have an altar erected for His worship so that all can see.  Personally, we have had discussions about how we can remember the goodness of God.  Someday, when God allows us to be permanently planted, we will be purchasing or finding great and large stones to place in and around our home to remind us of the important and pivotal moments of when God worked miraculously in our life.  That is just our personal perspective and something that the Lord has impressed upon us.  However, all of us have the ability to change this so that we do not forget.  If we were to change our point of view we would be able to (at least in our own lives) redeem the everyday items we take for granted and make them a holy altar.

If we were to view our wedding rings as an altar or monument of the day God miraculously united us to our spouses, we would not be so quick to take them off and forget.  We would be reminded every time that we saw them of a God that brought the person into our life that we needed to make us complete for the fullness of His work.  We would not look at our ring and think of the "old ball and chain" or our overbearing husband.  We would remember the forethought of a loving God that knew who we needed to be joined to even before we knew.

If we were to view our wedding pictures as an altar to God, we would not be so quick to take them down or remove them when we hit a rough patch.  We would be reminded of the joy that we experienced as a loving God brought two of His most precious children together in a holy and honoring union.  We would be reminded of the sparkle in our eyes and the spring in our step on the day that God perfected our union between us, our spouse, and Him.  We would see the joy and love in that picture that was only dimmed by the love that God has for us.

We need to have altars and monuments in our lives.  When we don't have them we will always focus on the immediate problem right in front of us.  Without altars dotting the landscape all around us we only see the temporary problems and desperate needs.  Without altars we will have nothing there to remind us of the faithfulness and goodness of God.  But with altars, we are reminded of the mercy and grace of our Father as we go about the routine things of our day.  We cannot easily forget the miracles of God when we place something before our eyes with the express purpose of reminding us.  When altars are present it is more difficult to run away from the truth of who God is.  Why?  Because you were there when the altar was erected.  You were there when there was need for an altar because God had just shown up.

We need the tangible and physical things to intermingle with the spiritual and supernatural.  This is why Gideon asked for the wet fleece and why Abraham asked for a token of the covenant.  God doesn't mind when we ask Him for those things.  They may not always be something really cool like a huge pile of rocks.  The altar may not even be something extravagant to anyone else but you.  It might be something as simple as a thumbtack stuck in a wall but it will mean the world to you because YOU know why you put it there.  And every time that you see that tack you will be reminded that God is faithful to you!!

Take note of the times that God moves on your behalf.  Remind yourself.  Tell others.  Build something as a monument to the miraculous power of God.  Do something to remind yourself of His goodness.  There may be a time when you are only able to focus on the temporary situation and you will need that altar to declare to you the character of God.

Josh and Serena

Come Hell or High Water

Have you felt attacked in your marriage recently?  Like more than normal?  We have.  Have you seen friends and family struggling with issues in their marriage?  Like more than normal?  We have.  It seems like these attacks have been coming in waves.  It is as if the enemy has given us break and a rest to lull us into a sense of complacency.  And then he lunges out with a full frontal assault on our marriages.

Even though it always catches us by surprise, it shouldn't.  We should have learned by now the enemy's modus opperandi.  We should know by now that whenever we (meaning all of us) begin to make some serious stands for the things that are close to the Father's heart the enemy HAS to retaliate.  He does so in the hopes that his attack will somehow discourage us from pursuing the path of a stander.

For some reason though, the enemy's attack does not always have the desired effect.  For some the attack will bring discouragement.  But, for others, it causes a holy indignation to settle deep within their souls.  Something begins to stir up the embers of righteousness that may have set dormant for a long time.  Something inside the stander begins to rise up and will not be silent.  You see, for some the attack will cause them to be even more determined in their position.  The fact that someone...anyone...wants to destroy what God has given and entrusted to them will be one of the motivating factors to hold their position...come hell or high water.

We see this sort of thing happening in Jesus when He entered the temple and saw it filled with people turning the worship of God into a business venture.  He walked in and fashioned a whip and begin to overturn the tables of the moneychangers.  His reason was that God had given Him a zeal for the Lord's house.  The enemy was corrupting that which was to be holy.  And Jesus would not sit idly by and watch it happen.

This is the place where we need to come to.  We can allow the attacks of the enemy to discourage us and cause us to lose our footing.  Or we can allow those same struggles and frustrations to solidify our position and make us more determined to see the move of God in an otherwise God-forsaken situation.  We need to find the zeal for our marriage and be willing to do whatever we must to hold on to that which God has placed within our grasp.

It's up to us.  Are we going to buckle beneath the attack of the enemy?  Or will we hunker down and hold on without giving up ground? 

Josh and Serena

Never Once

Too Far To Turn Back

Occasionally, as I (Josh) leave for work in the morning, I forget my sunglasses.  You may not think that is a very big deal but when I am outside all day, and have been accustomed to having darkened lenses over my eyes for over a decade, forgetting my sunglasses is a HUGE deal.  Sometimes I will turn around and go back for them if I am only a mile or two away.  I'll risk being late!!  But, if I get too far from home and then realize I have forgotten them, I have to weigh the benefits of having them versus being really late for work.  When that happens I will endure the hardship (however hard that may be) of working without them.  The cost to my wallet will cry out louder than the temporary pain to my eyes.  At some point it is easier to keep going and endure the loss of my glasses than to go home and start over.

Many of us that may have considered (or may still be considering) divorce should take some time and consider this lesson.  Do you really want to start over?  Yea, your situation may be tough but do you really want to go back to the beginning with someone new and start over?  We don't often think in these terms but it might just do us some good.

You spent time looking for this person that you eventually called your spouse.  You spent time investing in your relationship.  You spent money treating them to some nice events and dates.  You spent your heart by giving it to them.  Guys, you spent time impressing your future wives.  Ladies, you spent time in front of a mirror that you will never get back.  Guys, you spent time waiting on those women while they looked in the mirror.  Ladies, you spent time causing these love-struck guys to chase and pursue you.  And now, we all want to throw it away?  Not only is it not the response that God would have us choose, it is foolish in terms of investing.

The time, energy, and money that you spent wooing and winning that future spouse will NEVER be returned to you UNLESS you receive and enjoy the profits from your investment.  You could not go to your stock broker and ask for all your money back PLUS the acquisitions that could have been purchased with said funds.  They would think that you lost your mind.  You took a risk and it didn't pay off....cut your losses and move on, right?  Or you could hold on to that stock and wait until it turned around, enduring the potential loss, and wind up with a HUGE windfall.

Occasionally, you hear about stories of people that have held on to a stock certificate that was passed down from fathers or grandfathers.  Nearly worthless when it was printed is now worth a fortune because it was kept when everyone else sold out.  Do you want a marriage that is sold out when it gets tough or one that is saved and kept safe despite the ups and downs of life?

Our marriages are the greatest investment (apart from our own relationship with Christ) that we can make.  What you have spent getting to where you are can either be flushed down the toilet or saved until it turns around and you suddenly hold the majority stake in your marriage.  If you choose the path of divorce, even early on in your marriage, you are throwing good time, energy, and money away.  You could have just saved the heartache of it all and just thrown those things away years ago and circumvented all of this.  If you choose the path of saving and hiding your marriage for safety sake, despite the twists and turns of life, you will be a wise investor and future bazillionaire....maritally speaking.

At some point you need to suck it up and decide that you have come too far to turn back now.  It will take more out of you to start over than it will to make your marriage work.

Josh and Serena

Living His Promises

The Bible is so full of God’s promises, that it is not really possible to count them. Some people have tried and come up with about 3000. Others have counted 7000. Herbert Lockyer wrote a book called All the promises of the Bible and claims to list 8000. Do you memorize them? Do you know them?  Those are all great things.....but the big thing....do you LIVE them? 

What keeps you going?  Did God promise you something?  Did God promise to never leave you?  Something interesting to think about is the fact that many people make friends by making promises...the way you KEEP friends: KEEPING your promises.  God is faithful to keep His promises even when we are not--countless times in the Bible we see God keeping His promises.  Even the Abraham, an OLD man, received his promise.  We get hung up on OUR timing, but God promised him something.....and He fulfilled it. AND in that promise was "laughter."  Isaac means "laughter."  God's promises bring joy when we see their fulfillment, but we must not lose heart.   
 
"If we believe not, yet he abideth faithful: he cannot deny himself" (2 Timothy 2:13). The actual Greek reading of this verse is: "If we are faithless, yet He remains faithful...."

The world tends to live on explanations. For example: Why does this happen? What should I do about this?
The Christian lives on the promises of God. If you are going to serve God, you need to learn to trust God and His promises for you. But because we live in this world, we tend to run into some dangers that can prevent us from living by the promises of God. We must remember that He is faithful.  We must remember that He keeps His promises. 

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

If you are finding yourself discouraged on a day by day basis, then it's because we are missing out on the RENEWING day by day. We don't like to be reminded that for Christ's sake we should delight in the difficulties of life, so that God's strength can be seen in us. Sure it's tough, but we are more than overcomers. Christ lives in us.  Remember His promises--LIVE them. 

We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us. (2 Corinthians 1:8b-10)

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. (James 1:12)

 Josh and Serena
 

 

Perspective

It's amazing the things you can see when you take a few steps back and get some proper (pro-per....sorry, folks, inside joke) perspective.

The past few days we have been in a bit of whirlwind of emotions.  All stemming from some wrong reactions to each other's words (which should be the topic of another post altogether).  In other words, we've been fighting.  Hey, we always try to be as honest as we can be.  But, tonight, we saw some really great things that helped us tremendously.

Tonight, we went out with a group of friends from our church to just have fun.  Throughout the evening we had the opportunity to talk with, laugh with, and just be normal for an evening.  No ministry objectives, no leadership commitments.  Just couples having fun.  Amongst the people that we got to be with were two different couples that have experienced a lot of the same things that we have.

They have dealt with marital infidelity in varying degrees but have come through that trial.  They are now on the other side of that and are experiencing some amazing restoration.  While all of the wounds may not be fully healed they are becoming restored and whole in all areas.  No longer do we see shame and guilt in the eyes of the unfaithful one.  No longer do we see hurt, anger, and resentment in the eyes of the one who was hurt.  We saw laughter.  We saw joy.  We saw these people that were broken a year or so ago, now building into other couples.

Seeing all of this taking place tonight puts our stuff into perspective.  Yea, we've been at odds for a little bit.  But that does not take away from the impact that God's story working through our life can do.  Please, don't mistake this for arrogance...."Look at what WE can do!!"  It is humbling to be in this place.  God, for some reason unbeknownst to us, chose us to show His restoration power through.  Why us?  We are nothing.  We have nothing tooffer.  And still He chose us to minister to a few so that, eventually, many can be reached.

How does this apply to you and your situation?  You don't know the full scope and impact of what your stand for your marriage is having on those around you, those you come in contact with, and those watching from afar.  You don't know...but God does.  He knows the people that can be reached through you becoming fully surrendered to His will AND His way.  You don't know whose life your stand will reach.  God NEVER does anything with only one purpose in mind; He sees every angle and possibility for everything that He does.  You think your stand is only for your marriage?  He has thousands of people that will feel the Kingdom's impact when you stand your ground for the things that will move the heart of God.

This is why we write this blog!!  This is why you can't give up now!!

Josh and Serena

 

Break Time

Today's post is going to be short because, to be honest, we need a break.  We bring you this blog everyday and it takes a lot out of us.  And tonight, we need to spend an evening doing nothing but hanging out together.  This is not to short you on hope or inspiration.  Hopefully, you will take something away from our example.  Take a break.  No prior commitments, no deadlines.  Just hang out.  Just us.

Josh and Serena

Making New Memories

Sometimes our brains like to hold on to everything, and it seems that those hurtful things seem to linger a LOT longer.  So, our challenge has always been to come up with ways to counteract the memories that were bad with those that were good.

Today is Josh's 34th birthday!  Happy Birthday, Josh!!  If you have read the blog, from the beginning, you know that Josh's 30th birthday was an extremely difficult time for me (Serena). At times, it still bothers me and hurts me that I was not able to share in such a BIG deal.  Josh doesn't care much for birthdays, but he DID care about this one.

If you are standing for your spouse or have recently had them return be prepared for those moments that will bring up hurtful times.  They will be there, but it's our job to make them new.  God brings healing; I can attest to this.  BUT I believe He also gives us wisdom to know how to help us along our journey.  Josh's 31st birthday was especially hard, but I wanted to make it a big deal.  We needed something to look back on that would dull the pain.  Even though Josh does not care so much for birthdays we make a point of celebrating them as if he does. Jael  (our oldest) even asked if she could have the day off of school.  Daddy's birthday is a holiday, and it is a holiday because we choose to move forward and create NEW memories in spite of the bad ones.

Soon Josh's 30th birthday will no longer be the biggest memory it will be overshadowed with some great fun and celebrations because we CHOOSE to not allow the devil to win another victory.  We will take back what he tried to steal, and redeem the time.  For Josh's 31st birthday he got to go sky-diving--now THAT was a memory NEVER to be forgotten.

Happy Birthday, Josh!! Thank you for allowing us to celebrate YOU; it's important to us that you are here.  AND without your DAY OF BIRTH....well, it just would NOT be possible.  We celebrate YOU, and we will continue to thank God that you are here.  AND you better enjoy making memories with us....because we are redeeming the time. I am hoping we can make this weekend something to remember! I love you!

Fires

Have you ever fought with your spouse?  Of course, you have, you're married!!  How often do those fights begin with a tiny flare up?  That tiny flare up that goes unchecked suddenly becomes a full blown wild fire...endangering lives, property, and history.

This morning as I (Josh) was driving to work I passed a barn that was on fire.  Fire trucks and emergency personnel were on sight.  I don't know if it was an accident or the owners wanted to burn it down.  Either way, the fire that burned it to the ground began with a single match or spark.  Something tiny and insignificant on its own when added to a fuel source becomes a raging inferno.  How many of us have been there before?  What do we do when it blows up in our faces?

We are in the same boat as you are, friend.  We don't always do the RIGHT thing from the beginning.  Most of the time it takes us a little time before we realize what's happening.  As great as it would be to fix it from the get-go, we can stop the inferno at any time we want.  How?  By removing the fuel source!

Maybe it's your spouse feeding the fire or maybe it's you.  Maybe it's the devil or your circumstances.  It doesn't matter who is the arsonist...YOU have the power to remove the fuel.  Removing the fuel source might be for you to stop reacting in kind to their hurtful words or actions.  Or it might be getting alone with God for Him to check your spirit.  Or it might be shutting down the enemies advances upon your marriage with some spiritual warfare.

A firefighter when battling a blaze knows that its not enough to just throw water at a fire.  He knows that you must remove the source of fuel so that the fire can die.  If you are facing a raging inferno within your marriage, become the firefighter and put it out.  You might have started it or just a victim but YOU can stop it.

Smokey the Bear says, "Only YOU can prevent wildfires."  Who knew a bear could speak such wisdom?

Josh and Serena

Was it a Waste of Time?

Recently it was brought to our attention that a fellow stander lost their husband; he passed unexpectedly.  It is tragic, and we can't imagine the pain. From many natural circumstances it might seem that all was lost.  He never fully returned home. The battle was not lost, and we must not give the devil credit for something he was not responsible for.....the battle was not LOST.  This stander did NOT give up.  It is very difficult to understand; we do NOT understand it.   

Abraham waited years to have a son, and the Lord promised him a son. The Lord even promised him descendants that would outnumber the stars.  It's very difficult to imagine that being fulfilled when you are almost 100 years old, but God keeps His promises.  Abraham had a son Isaac, and his descendents are numerous.  BUT we forget that Abraham was asked to lay it all down.....WHAT?  Yes, he was asked to sacrifice His promise.  Abraham took his son to the mountain, and he laid him on the altar.  Can you imagine?  Can you imagine laying your son down...your PROMISE.....and wondering how it's all going to make sense!!

We do not give you the impression of knowing how God thinks and what His plan is...but we do know that God keeps His promises to His children.  When God promises restoration and reconciliation we may not understand how it will all work out, but we do know that God's plans are BIG--much bigger than we can imagine.  If you have remained faithful to the covenant, then the battle was NOT lost.  The witness to your children and your children's children is far greater than the immediate hurt and loss.

Above all else, this is not my effort to explain death. The when and how of death are for God to determine. Much about death is unanswerable; we will not have all the answers until we reach eternity, when everything will be made clear. In the meantime, God will provide comfort and as much of an answer as we can handle on this side of life, when we each turn to Him..

It is a fact that prodigals do die. For some, their lifestyle has increased their risk. For others, the reason is totally unexplainable by human reasoning. It is a fact that the death of a prodigal can cause above average bereavement stress on the stander, with issues such as marital status on the death certificate, wording of the obituary, name on the grave marker, legal status, family relationships, and so much more. In addition, the death of a prodigal often brings to light facts about that individual that had never been previously disclosed.
Not only do prodigal spouses die, but some returned prodigals also die. No one on earth can understand the reason. When this happens, we can only turn to the Word of God and stand on His timeless promises.


There are some areas where we need to allow God to be God, without our human attempts to explain.
When death comes, our human nature wants to judge saved or lost, based only on what we have observed. We need to remember that Christ changes the individual from the inside out. The changes that come first are not visible to mankind. The prodigal that was taken from us prematurely may have had a changed heart. We can pray that they did.

If you have had a prodigal, or any loved one, die prematurely, it is time for you to stop worrying about where they will spend eternity. You and I do not know their relationship to Christ, even in the last moments of life. You and I need to pray that our loved ones find Jesus Christ for their salvation, but after death takes a loved one from us, judgement is God's and not ours.

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going." Thomas said to him, "Lord, we don't know where you are going, so how can we know the way?" Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:1-6

Josh and Serena

Exceptions

From time to time we get asked the same question in various forms.  It usually goes something like this, "So, do you think God can really help this marriage...."  Our answer is always the same...."YES!!!"

We have come to the place where we know that this stand for our marriage is not ours but the Lord's.  It's not about the severity of the circumstances or how difficult the road back is.  It's about whether or not we, with the Lord's help and grace, will stand for our marriage.

You cannot make a stand on any subject or issue and have it be firm if you attempt to factor in all of the variables, what-ifs, and exceptions.  If you try to do that every variable, every what-if, and every exception will be in place to undermine your stand.

In standing for your marriage, there needs to be a line drawn that makes it all black and white.  Either I will stand regardless of what we are up against or I won't.  There are no exceptions to God's ability to restore.  There are no what-ifs that he cannot deal with.  There is no variable that He has not accounted for.  And His grace is sufficient to cover all of it.  All of this means that you don't have to because He already has.

At the very core of standing for your marriage it is that simple.

Josh and Serena

Restoration

Here on TDDUP we talk a lot about restoration.  I am not sure that we grasp how amazing of a concept restoration really is.  Do we understand the magnitude of restoration and the gravity of what has taken place?

In our society, we see restoration be portrayed in different areas.  Usually we see restoration take place when something awful has taken place.  This is seen in our dwelling places and cars.  If a fire or flood has taken place in our homes, we call a restoration company.  If our vehicles have been in an accident or has been exposed to the time and elements, we would seek to have it restored.  In both of these examples, a technician takes the damaged property and begins to work on it to bring it back to the original state that it was meant to be.  Not the state that it was before the accident or incident but the state that it was DESIGNED to be...back to its brand-new, non-tarnished, pristine condition.  If this goal can be accomplished by using the pieces left over, those pieces will be salvaged.  If not, those pieces are removed, disposed of, and replaced with new material.  All for the purpose of bring that home or that vehicle back to the state that it was in on the day that it was originally completed....or better.

When it comes to our marriages, restoration follows the same guidelines.  The goal is to bring that marriage back to state that it was originally designed to be in.  Not the state that you have always known it to be but, rather, the state that God originally created it to be.  But, you with marital restoration you cannot simply hire a technician to come in and make the needed repairs.  No, marital restoration is a much more complicated and delicate issue.

Restoration is a process in which we cannot or dictate the path to wholeness.  True restoration is that which cannot be accomplished by the hands of man or within the boundaries of our understanding.  Restoration is too grand of a concept for mere mortals to fully comprehend or work out in our own meager ways.  Restoration, true restoration, is a divine process which we have no authority over.  True restoration is a God thing.

As humans, we have the ability to come up with systems and guides to bring us to a sense of healing.  However, all of the ways in which we attempt to bring about restoration can only bring us to a partial healing.  We cannot cause full and complete restoration because we are not full and complete in ourselves.  Even if we have done nothing wrong (according to us) and are living as right of a life as we can, we are still incomplete.

In home and vehicle restoration, the best restorers are those that have spent years building cars and building homes from scratch.  They know their finished products from every step of the process.  The same is true with our marriages.  If we desire a true and complete restoration, we cannot look to other individuals who can only see in the dimensions in which we live.  We must look to someone who was there when marriage was first instituted...who caused the first marriage to take place....who laid the foundations of what marriage was supposed to be and what it was meant to depict.  We must look to God who knows every marriage inside and out.

God has made every marriage different.  And every situation we find ourselves in our marriage is unique to us.  But every marriage is made up of the same core materials...two individuals coming together and, by joining body, soul, and spirit, become one.  God has worked with these core materials for centuries and He knows them inside and out, front to back.  He knows how to make a great marriage from an utter disaster.  He will take all of the damaged parts and cause them to be made new.  And if we have caused them to be damaged beyond repair, He has the ability to create new parts that fit better than they did originally.  God is such a master craftsmen of marriages and lives that He is able to take what seems to be worthless and make it priceless.  And when He has completed the work, the marriage will be in the state that He designed it to be from the first time He envisioned it.  Which, by the way, is far beyond what we can even comprehend in our feeble little minds.

Friends, the Master Craftsman of Marriages desires to put His hands in, on, and around our marriages in order to make them what He designed them to be.  Will you let Him?

Josh and Serena

Storms

The other day we had a mild wind storm here in northern Colorado.  It wasn't too severe but enough to knock dead branches out of the trees that surround our house.  Josh has yet to get out and clean up the branches that fell the other day.  Looking back it kind of got us thinking about the things we endure in our life and storms we endure through our marriages.

I'm sure that all of us at one time or another have experienced some sort of storm with our spouse.  If you haven't yet, just wait...you will.  Some of the storms we weather with our spouses are mild fronts that pass as quickly as they come in.  And yet sometimes those storms feel as though we are reenacting Hurricane Katrina within the walls of our own homes. It is inevitable that these storms will come but they also will pass.  The questions to us are "What is the storm trying to do to us?" and "What can God do through this storm?"

These storms we encounter are not always the work of the devil.  Let's not give him credit for what he has not done.  Some of these storms God allows to come through.  The purpose of these storms is not always trying to destroy us.  Many times they are being used to help us see problems and rid us of potential dangers that can come around at a later time.

After the storm the other day, we can see the dead branches that fell.  If not for that storm those branches may have fallen off later and injured one of our kids as they were playing.  But because of the storm, our kids are safer.  Our yard may look like a war zone but dangerous branches are now removed.  What is hanging in your marriage that needs to be shaken loose and disposed of?  That is the purpose of most of the storms we encounter.

Now, you may be saying to yourself, "This storm right I am in....it's about to rip me in two!!"  That's a true statement.  Some storms ARE trying to kill you and they come straight from the devil himself.  But that is not to say that he will be victorious in his attempt.  He may try to take you and your spouse out but God's plans supersede the devil's.  What God is able to do through the storm cannot be quantified or seen on this side of the storm.  What God can do (and will do) is ONLY able to be witnessed from the OTHER side.  You can't see the potential, the possibilities, and the victory before or during the storm.  It is only after the storm that the full power of the Almighty is able to be witnessed.  One of our favorite gospel singers (Tye Tribbett) puts it this way, "Devil, if you only knew what I was gonna be AFTER the storm, you wouldn't have bothered me!!"

As we close for today, I (Josh) am reminded of a lesson that I learned a couple years ago while landscaping.  I had been in landscaping for over 10 years and had never learned this.  I had always thought that when you stake a newly planted tree that you should make sure that guy wires are taut to keep it straight.  That is actually opposite of what should be done.  When the tree is planted it should be reinforced with stakes to keep it upright when the winds come but not so tight that it cannot move.  The arborist that taught me this said that if the tree is unable to move its base will be weak and frail and unable to weather even a slight storm later on its life.  However, if that tree has some wiggle room amidst the stakes and wires, it may be blown around a little bit more but that movement and the effects of the wind will cause that tree to become thick and strong in its base and will not likely be uprooted by even the fiercest of storms.

So, we can either get mad and frustrated at the storms we encounter OR we can thank God for them and what they are causing to be exposed in and around our marriage.  The storm can help to make you stronger by blowing on you or you can let it break you when you hold on to tightly.  The outcome of the storm effect on our marriage is up to us.

Josh and Serena

Trapped

Satan's desire is to lead the whole world astray; he wants to trap us, ensnare us, and hold us captive.  So, are you getting that it's his DESIRE to lead YOU astray?  No, this is not just about your spouse.  Satan will always do whatever he can by whatever means necessary.  His goal is for all of us; it's not just your spouse.  It's kind of mind-blowing, actually.  The enemy is out to lead every one of us astray. How is he trying to do it?

One of Satan's strong weapons against people is deception. Satan is the deceiver and father of all lies. He wants to deceive the entire world including you, your spouse and your children! Are we even aware of the tricks and schemes? Do you tell “white” lies? Have your children started to lie to you? Are you teaching and telling your children of all ages not to lie and why not to lie? Lying becomes easier and easier to do and the lies will become bigger as they grow into adulthood. This is something that we have been seeing a lot of lately.  If Satan feels that he can deceive your children....he will do it.  Are we watching out for them? Are we teaching them how to defeat Satan?

Satan's plan for the church and family is to discourage, divide and destroy. Satan wants to steal, kill and destroy every person, every marriage, every family and every church.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.  John 10:10

It really should not be about how our spouse is "the bad one."  We must realize that Satan aims to deceive us all, and if he can do it with pride--then he will. Do you understand that your spouse was deceived, tempted and blinded from the truth of right and wrong? It's happened to us.  It's not about the degree of sin--it's about whether or not you have been deceived at one time or another.  Have you?  Then you can understand. Satan uses deception every day against everyone including Christians, so remember this powerful scripture:

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.  I Peter 5:8-11

 Maybe if we realized how easily Satan can cause us to lose sight of right and wrong we wouldn't be so quick to judge. It only takes one small step in the wrong direction, and continuing on in it. As we repent and turn back onto the right path we must not doubt the power of what the Lord is doing in touching and changing sinners’ lives. God hears our crys and He answers our prayers. In feeling we are above reproach or "not the wrong ones" is causing our returned prodigals to turn away from God.  We must minister hope to our spouses who have confessed their sins as they try to rebuild their heart and lives. We have noticed that couples are wanting their spouses to spend a lifetime repenting of their wrong-doings, instead of moving forward and building their lives on Jesus Christ. Satan is being defeated every day by sinners turning their hearts to the Lord in repentance and for salvation. We need to rejoice in this and believe that God is powerful.

Eve was deceived in the Garden by the serpent, the enemy who was very crafty and deceitful. Satan deceives and tempts us to fall into his trap of sin. He can deceive you into listening to people's opinions about marriage and divorce, instead of God's Word. I  The enemy wants us to believe that we have no power to change our daily lives with all of the circumstances. We don't, but God does! Satan does not want us to remember that nothing is impossible with God. We have all sinned by believing the devil's lies, deceptions and temptations of the world. Your spouse has also been deceived, tricked and has fallen into the sins of the world with no commitment to their marriage or by taking little or no responsibility for their family, their temper, anger, abuse, adultery, alcohol or other addictions. God's truth will set you and your husband or wife free from Satan. A powerful reminder:

Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.  2 Timothy 2:25-26

Josh and Serena

Walnuts or Rice?

My mom always did a great job at visually helping us remember something, and I remember one very specific reminder as I get overwhelmed with life. She has a jar sitting on her desk.....the reminder:

Take a jar, a handful of rice (enough to fill the jar) and a handful of walnuts. If you put the rice in first and then the walnuts, you will find that there is not enough room in the jar for both. You can push as hard as you want -- they won't fit. On the other hand, if you put the walnuts in the jar first and then the rice, the rice will fill around the nuts and they both will fit fine.

What's the message? The walnuts are our priorities. In life they may represent faith, family, and friends. At work, they may represent the truly important, difference-making tasks that must be done. The rice is the everyday stuff, the things that really don't contribute to our personal or professional success. They are the easy things that we take on but that prevent us from getting to the difficult yet significant tasks that we know we must do. The rice represents the urgent things that keep us from ever getting to the important. Dance class, dusting, Facebook, blogging, and many other "necessary" things.

Think about it and what it means for how we prioritize our actions. The rice is everywhere. It prevents us from spending quality time with our family. It stops us from transforming our workplace. And you know what? It will ALWAYS be there. We often think that if we can just clear out the rice, we can make space for the walnuts. The rice keeps coming!  And something else that I never thought about until JUST now...rice expands, and we have always heard that whatever you invest your time and energy in will grow.....you want to REALLY mess up your life.  Water the rice....put all of your time and energy into those "urgent" things and you will soon find that you have NO ROOM for anything that is really important.

I can certainly appreciate this message. It tells me to FOCUS ON THE WALNUTS! Put first things first -- at home, at work, in my personal / professional / physical / spiritual life. Be disciplined about taking on those things -- first -- that truly matter, that will make a difference, that can change the debate, that can change the world!  Are all of the everyday, unimportant tasks keeping you from making time for GOD and your spouse? 

My mom always reminded me that the walnuts in the jar needed to represent the time we spend with God. The rice represents the time we spend doing other things. If we spend time doing other things first, we will never find time to spend with God. But if we spend time with God first, there will always be time for everything else.

Jesus was quite clear on the subject of walnuts and jars. He said, “Set your mind on God’s kingdom and his justice before everything else, and all the rest will come to you as well.” Matthew 6:33

Heavenly Father, I have become an expert in doing “other things” first, and giving to you whatever time and energy is left over. Too often I have not even inquired about what you want from me. How foolish I am! Forgive me for being so self-centered. The object lesson of the walnut and the rice has reminded me about how important my priorities are … to you. Thank you for this reminder. Help me to set my mind on your kingdom’s business first, having faith that there will be enough time left to take care of my business. Remind me that you stand ready to help, if only I will ask.  So, I am asking. Lord, give me your heart. Help me to seek your kingdom first, and ask what you would have me to do today. I want to make YOU happy, and I want to dream YOUR dreams.  Please help me to prioritize the impotant things. In Jesus’ name. Amen

The rice will always be there. Get after the walnuts!

Josh and Serena

A Good Source of Vitamin C

I'm sitting here at the computer and looking at a can of Country Time Strawberry Lemonade.  On the side it says "A Good Source of Vitamin C".  It seems kind of strange to me that a manufactured drink could be a good source of vitamins for our health and wellness.  If your doctor asked you if you had been taking any vitamins would you say that you had been drinking this lemonade?  I doubt it.

If I was looking to get more vitamin C shouldn't I go and eat an orange or some other citrus fruit?  Why would I look to a man-made beverage CLAIMING to be a good source of vitamin C?  Because it is easier and more palatable to drink this chemical concoction than to do the work to be healthy.  This is the same as most of our approaches to marital conflict resolution or marital restoration.

Most of the time we (all of us are guilty of this at one time or another) look to some man-made system to fix the problems within our marriage instead of looking to the One who created marriage.  We read a book that says how to create an affair-proof marriage in x-amount of easy steps and expect everything to be hunky-dory.  When it doesn't work we want to blame God.  When in reality it was our own ignorance of the things of God that lead us astray.  We will read books, attend conferences, listen to sermons, or the like with the hope (in a man-made system) that THIS will fix all of our problems.

The truth is, friends, is that these systems, books, etc. will not work.  Yes, they may get us on the right path or open our eyes to something we may not have seen before but they are one man's concept that they have managed to get published.   Don't get me wrong; I think we need to have those book, conferences, and speakers.  But, for us to put our hope in their wisdom is to think that my stawberry lemonade is a better source of vitamin C than some all natural citrus fruit.

We must look to God.....ALONE!!!  He is the only One that has the wisdom, the truth, the grace, and everything else that we need to bring the resolution to the conflicts of our marriages and the restoration of what has been broken.  Nothing else will do what He can.  All the books written (even those written by Godly men and women) do not...CANNOT...hold a candle to the immeasurability of God and His Word.  All of man's wisdom, his thinking, his logic pales in comparison when held to the light of God's Word.

This is why we always try to tell you when something is our own opinion and what His Word says.  We (Josh and Serena) don't always like what His Word has to say because it makes us walk a tougher road.  Bu, we will always stand on what His Word says rather than our own opinions.  Our opinions can change as quickly as the wind shifts; His Word has never and will never change.  That's why we will ALWAYS point you back to the Word of God.  If you have read the Word and know what God's way is, please, don't ask us what we think about it.  We will always go back to God's Word.

If you take anything away from our time spent here on this site, it's this:  God's way is the ONLY way to REAL, TRUE restoration.  Everything else is just a good source of vitamin C.

Josh and Serena

'Nuff Said

Have you ever been in a difficult situation and wondered how you were going to get through it?  You might be standing for your marriage while your spouse is playing the prodigal.  Or you might be standing for your marriage when it seems to not be worth it anymore.  Or you might just be having one of those married folks kind of days that are just not all warm fuzzies and rainbows but more like thunderstorms brewing and an ice cold wind.  Either way, in those moments you need to have something on the inside that will MAKE you keep going and keep the faith.

In a conversation that we were a part of, a friend of ours said something really profound.  He said something to this effect, "Once you know that you have heard God speak to you, and that He is the one that has brought you to this moment, it's easier to endure it no matter how hard it is."

Thinking like this will help you to endure any hardship, weather any storm, navigate any rough patches, and ultimately arrive where God desires you to be.  When we understand that what He has brought us to He will also bring us through we begin to see life through different eyes.  We begin to have an eternal perspective about the temporary trials we deal with.

It reminds us of when Jesus asked the disciples to take Him across the sea to another shore to escape the crowds.  When they were in the middle of the sea a great storm caught them.  This didn't surprise Jesus; He kept on sleeping.  But, the disciples were freaking out!  Why?  Because they forgot that Jesus told them to take the boat out.  They forgot that Jesus told them to go to the other side.  He didn't tell them to go and encounter a storm and then turn back.

Did the Father tell you to stand for your marriage?  Did He tell you stand for your spouse?  If so, it doesn't matter what comes against you or the words spoken against your position.  God spoke first.  'Nuff said!

Josh and Serena

What Did God Say?

"Blessed is she who has believed that what the LORD has said to her will be accomplished!"  Luke 1:45

What has the Lord promised you?  Did He tell you He would restore your marriage?  Did He tell you that things were going to be okay?  Did He promise to be there when you called?

I (Serena) will never forget when I was like you, up and down with my emotions, wondering if it would ever end.  I never questioned if what I was doing was right, but I sure questioned whether or not I could keep moving forward as positively.  My stand certainly had some easy days, with family and friends being supportive.  BUT this was because I tried to be very careful about what I shared. Wondering if they knew the WHOLE story would they still be supportive can be very disheartening.  AND then again, I had family and friends that were NOT supportive. But God, can give you just one faithful prayer warrior, who prays for you....and it can make all the difference.  When you get discouraged, they can point you to Scripture tell you what the Word says.

As Christians it is our job to believe and walk in faith our whole lives.  Some things are unexpected, but the assignment is still the same.  We must believe and walk in faith that our spouses are going to come to their senses and return home.  The circumstances surrounding that goal may be hard, complicated and unexpected but we are expected to STILL have faith and believe the truth about God and His Word.

It's not that what YOU have said will be accomplished; it is what The Lord has said!  That is what is about to be accomplished.  Believe and walk in faith!

Josh and Serena

Good or Great?

Do you ever find yourself stuck in a rut?  A rut of complacency or laziness?  A rut of just being or settling for good?  Do we really want to settle for good or do we want GREAT?  Or stupendous?  Or marvelous?  Whatever you want to call it, are you settling for less?

The truth is that every marriage at some point or another will find themselves at a point where they are just "phoning it in."  You've learned the routine of your spouse.  You've learned the majority of their likes and dislikes.  You know what will set them off and avoid those things.  You are able to mindlessly go through marital life without minor disruptions.

But, is that really what we want?  A marriage that we can go navigate well but has no passion or drive or fire or purpose?  Do we really want this?  Today, we're not talking about standing in the midst of a cheating spouse or some other sin; we're talking about not letting the marriage die.

If we really want to pursue greatness in our marriages then we have to put in the work.  That might mean getting dirty at times to deal with issues unbecoming.  It might mean having some very difficult conversations but knowing that after it is over and settled you BOTH will be better because of it.

A month or two ago we had the privilege of sitting under some teaching from a former pastor.  The topic was on sex.  He told us that years ago when they were in their mid-30s that he was unsatisfied with their sex life.  Rather than take the easy way out and just accept the way life was, he pulled his wife aside and had a conversation about it.  They discussed if they were satisfied, what could be done better, and did research to find out what could be done because they knew that the way it was is not how it should be.

Now, we're not talking just about sex but the point we're trying to make is to not take the easy way out and just accept mediocrity.  Our marriages were designed by the Almighty to be the example for every other institution.  It was the first and it is the best and, when done the way it is intended, it will last.

So, evaluate your marriage.  Is it good?  Are you going through the motions?  You don't have to.  You don't have to settle for just good.  Yea, it might get messy for a bit but it will prove to be worth it.  Get in there and do the work.

Josh and Serena

Standing

Two Wrongs

I'm sure that many of us grew up hearing this from our mothers at one time or another, "Two wrongs don't make a right."  In response to this, I'm sure we've heard, "Yea...but it makes it even!"  Our moms were right; two wrongs don't make a right.  But, our response to that is wrong.

Yea, you've been hurt.  Maybe cheated on, maybe disgraced, or maybe humiliated.  But, just because we've been hurt does not give us the right to turn around and hurt them right back.  In the marital context, carrying out your own version if justice by doing to your spouse what has been done to you is wrong.  Is beginning a new relationship because your spouse started one, first, make it right?  Is it right to lie because they lied first?  Does belittling them and making them smaller, in turn, make you bigger?  Should you disgrace them because they did you?  Acting out in these ways to "get back" at your spouse doesn't make you right, bigger, or more righteous.  Actually, it cheapens everything about you.

God has a lot to say about this.  In Romans 12:19 He says that vengeance belongs to Him and that He will repay.  And in Matthew 5:39 He tells us to turn the other cheek.  The path of Jesus is not the same one that the world displays.  The way of Jesus goes against our human inclinations and demands of us a holy response.  The way of Jesus and the way of the Kingdom is backwards to human understanding.  To be great you have to be low.  To receive you have to give.  To live you have to die.  To be forgiven you must forgive.  To be avenged you have to relinquish that right.  These concepts don't make to sense to us naturally but we were not called to live and respond with a natural mindset. 

If we are truly standing for our marriages, then there is no room for cheap justice through human vengeance.  There is no room for our own idea of recompense.  If we desire for God to bring about the full restoration then we must give Him the room to do what only He can do.  If He sees fit to bring about vengeance on your prodigal spouse, then that is His business and His call.  If He decides to show mercy on them, that is still His business and His call.  And we cannot get bent out of shape and throw a temper tantrum simply because He didn't do what we wanted to do to them.

Basically, we are calling you on the carpet on this matter.  If you have been contemplating thoughts of "getting them back", we would challenge you to check your spirit and heart.  Are you acting the way that the Father expects from His child or are you acting like a bastard?  Are you resembling Christ in word and in deed or are you seeking to have yourself avenged by your own twisted sense of justice?

If we want for the holiness and righteousness of God to permeate our marriage, in spite of the current situation, we MUST keep ourselves firmly planted in His holiness and righteousness.  His presence cannot come into our lives or marriage any other way.

Josh and Serena