Admiring Something Lovely

Do you admire your spouse?  Yes, even the spouse who isn't around, the spouse who won't give you the time of day, the spouse sleeping around, and even the spouse who divorced you!  Um, yeah, that's the one we are talking about.  When Josh was gone it was something that I had to put into practice, even more so.....

I was always taught to admire.  Looking for something, anything was always a priority, but what happens when it doesn't seem that ANYTHING is left to admire.  Ask God to show you! Maybe God will only show you that you need to admire a marriage touched and healed by Jesus Christ, and this is the only thing you have to hold on to.

We all have something deep inside of us that makes us need admiration, and it almost feels like a necessity. I (Josh) have always felt that a compliment from Serena about my writing is much more satisfying than just anyone e-mailing me and saying they liked it.  When I (Serena) write it's without a doubt something I look forward to--hearing if Josh likes it.


Many standers get into trouble when they attempt to force emotions that are not there. You can attempt to demonstrate unconditional love to a lovable mate all day, but sooner or later, something will happen, or words exchanged, that are just too much and the unconditional love evaporates in an instant. And for women, the unconditional respect that our husbands need....it quickly goes out the window when our husbands make us mad. Something will happen to show what's really inside of us. When Josh was gone it wasn't always easy to admire him or respect him, but I had to think about something worthy....COVENANT is worthy. Focus on what God wants for your marriage, and you will be more easily equipped to deal with the ups and downs.

You may have been standing since yesterday, or for a dozen years, but here is the hard question; "Do you admire your prodigal spouse right now?" Can you "contemplate something worthy" in them? Do you have "esteem" and "respect" for your beloved, without adding, "Yes, if they would only ..."  (these were questions I had to ask myself the whole time Josh was gone.....did I really admire him?) 

Our heart is that we will capture God’s view of our situation and our spouse. Without even trying, our actions and reactions will automatically begin to reflect Christ.  God's love is what makes a difference in a sinner's life, and we are to be like Christ to the sinners in our lives. The world’s way is to get mad, get even, get over and get on with life when a marriage crisis strikes. If you were to outline your marriage situation to a stranger today, I can imagine it would be hard to find anyone who, after hearing what your spouse has done, suggest that you admire or "contemplate something lovely," about them. BUT......

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- -think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." Phillipians 4:8-9

Throughout the Bible, God’s people are taught to strive for the character of Christ, and to seek those same qualities in the people we love. As we become more like Christ our actions and reactions will no longer be as abrasive or reactive, and we will see changes in our own hearts.  We will become more soft-hearted, and our spouses will also begin to feel the love of Christ, which is more powerful than anything else. 

Josh and Serena