Coming Home

We think it is important for those that are currently in a situation where you and your spouse are separated (physically not together) to remain constantly focused on the Lord and the day when the Lord brings them home.  It is not enough for us to do all the things necessary to bring them home (pray, fast, obey, trust, etc) and then fall short when they do come home.  And, by fall short we mean to not be ready for their entrance back into your life.

We have written before about what YOU need to do and have ready before your spouse comes home.  We would like to write about what your spouse will be looking for.  This is not based on Scripture but rather our own life; it's based on Josh's return to life.

One of the first things that you will have to remember is that your spouse will be coming to you broken and weak.  They may not think that they are but they are not in a right mind and cannot accurately gauge where they are spiritually, emotionally, and maybe physically.  As they walk back into your life and the life that they left, they will feel out of place and unworthy to make decisions about what is best for the family.  And the longer they are gone from the family home, the more difficult it will be to adjust.  This is where you will have to make every effort to fill in the gaps and make them welcome and make them feel welcomed.

You will have to fight the urge to judge them at every turn.  More than likely, they will already know how and where they have failed.  They are not looking to be judged; they are wanting love and acceptance.  You need to accept them....you don't have to accept their sins though.  However, we (as people) tend to lump sins and the persons together.  We judge them both.  You need to be able to separate your spouse's sins and your spouse from one another.  If you can distinguish between the two of them, you will be making AMAZING inroads into the heart of your spouse.

We mentioned it a moment ago but making your spouse be welcomed in their home is so critical!!  It is going to be weird and awkward....so expect it.  You won't know how to act and neither will they.  But, if you will include them (ask about dinner plans, schedules, etc) it will promote a sense of belonging.  They want it even if they don't act like it.  Don't cater to them and their negativity.  Instead, plug them into the life and routines of family life.  Even the mundane and boring (household chores and children duties) will help them reconnect to the family that they love.

Your prodigal spouse will be looking for things to connect them to you.  If they come home and do not see any pictures of them in the house, they will feel forgotten or worse....cut-off.  You don't know how they will return to you.  And if the condition in which they return doesn't matter, you need to be ready to help them start over.  This means the things that they need for life should be there....toothbrushes, deodorant, clothes, etc.  And if you are unable to bring them back into your bed right away, don't relegate to the garage or some lumpy couch.  If you need to create a room for them while both of you get reacquainted with one another, do it.  You might need to ease up on some of your OCD compulsions for awhile.  Did you want your spouse back or did you want them back only if they take off their shoes when they come in the house?  Doing things like this will show them that you are doing your best to bring them back into a full restoration with yourself.

You need to make time for them.  Yea...the children need attention...you need to work...the housework needs to get done....laundry needs folding.  But, your spouse is more important than all of those things.  So, take a break and let things go for a bit.  Spend time with them.  Doing so will show you that you care more about them than about the minor day-to-day things that will get done eventually.

We've said it before but you need to be wearing your ring.  Even if it is painful to see it on your own finger, do it.  Your spouse will be looking for it.

In the process of reconnecting your spouse to life, you need to continue to do the things that brought them home.  You need to keep pursuing God.  You need to keep putting on your armor.  You need to keep doing the things that help you achieve the victory.  What enabled you to gain the victory will help you to maintain the victory.  Get ready...they are coming home!!

Josh and Serena