I (Serena) have been asked a few times HOW I was able to allow Josh to even touch me when he first came home? Or even entertain the idea that we would be intimate when he first came home? Many things comes to mind, but the biggest and most important reason is found in what I believe to be an important, sadly ignored benefit to sexual intimacy.
In 1 Corinthians 7:5, "Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." This is saying that a married couple that is Christian should have sexual relations frequently; they shouldn't deny one another but by mutual consent and then ONLY for a time. Otherwise Satan will get in there and attempt to destroy everything.
Would you say that a couple that doesn't have enough sex is experiencing demonic spiritual warfare? It's true. Your sexual organs were not only meant for pleasure and making babies. In the context of fighting for your marriages, they are weapons. Not weapons to be used against one another, mind you. They are weapons to be used against the enemy of our souls trying to rip apart our marriages!
All too often we hear, "My husband has not been very nice to me, so I'm gonna deny him sex. And until he's nice to me, I'm gonna withhold it." That's demonic! Oh, and this is not just the wife saying this stuff; it's become a real problem in marriages to withhold sex unless everything is "perfect!" The wife who says, "ya know, I'm just never in the mood, and I know you love me and we have a decent marriage, and there's no reason...but ..........." Well, that's demonic, too! We realize this sounds really harsh but it's Satan's way of getting in between a couple.
Is your spouse being unreasonable? Or are you? We are talking about the all too common situation where one person in the marriage wants to be intimate more often than the other, and they're rejected. They become bitter. Satan comes in and feeds that bitterness, baits the hook of their flesh with the temptation of the world. And all of a sudden, Satan puts in front of them images, people, and opportunities to lead them astray. It doesn't make anyone a victim because we choose sin on our own. But it does mean that you're giving Satan an opportunity. It's Scripture! Satan is at work and he might as well start with sex.
Tough question: are you having enough sex? Be real; be honest! The answer will probably shock you. We don't want to start fights but ask your spouse this question. This should be eye-opening. You can learn a lot if you really listen to their answer. Ask your spouse what you can do to make things better. We are not perfect in this area but we certainly strive to have it so that Satan is not in our bed. I (Serena) long to hear Josh say, "I'm satisfied with the frequency and freedom of our sexual relationship." (But, Josh says that he is not that stuffy sounding!) I don't want to feel we are fine and yet have Josh totally frustrated. That's NOT unity. Husbands, you should not hear your wife saying, "He doesn't pursue me, he doesn't touch me, he doesn't desire me, he doesn't compliment me. I've got other men who compliment me, pursue me emotionally, and are desirous of me." Believe us...there have been those times in OUR marriage! But, we communicate to each other what we are feeling. Unity in the bedroom is extremely important.
Picture this...a couple that's not having frequent intimacy--when they go to bed, Satan is lying in the bed between the two of them. That's the image Paul is showing us in 1 Corinthians 7:5. This is a huge issue. It's not just about one person being more sexual than the other. Continually hearing about weeks, months, and years going by without sexual intimacy...is just wrong. So, the next time you start to think about an excuse not to have sex with your spouse, think about the bigger picture. Satan needs to be kicked out of your bed and you need to start fighting. Each time we are intimate with our spouse we are waging a war against the attack on our marriages. It's not just about fulfilling a sexual need; this is warfare! In our home, we aim to win (which means we try to have it a lot)!!
Josh and Serena
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