The Picture

Josh was given the original photo from THAT night, and we will forever be thankful. It will definitely be framed.  AND we have also ordered a deck of our own cards, as I think this has forever changed our lives.

The soul never thinks without a mental picture. -- Aristotle

Work, Shopping, Sports

He works all of the time--always.  She spends money without asking, without checking to see if we have bills, when we have no money. He went to the mountains. He has Men's Group. He goes golfing; he watches sports ALL of the time, instead of spending time with the kids. She always nags to have her list done, when she wants it.  I can never seem to please him/her.

From irritating habits to REAL issues that seem impossible to resolve, loving one's spouse through the tough times isn't easy. Struggles--big or small are the same struggles that drive us apart.  What do you value in marriage? 

"If happiness is our primary goal, we'll get a divorce as soon as happiness seems to wane."

"If receiving love is our primary goal, we'll dump our spouse as soon as they seem to be less attentive."

BUT if we marry for the glory of God, to model His love and commitment to our children, and to reveal His witness to the world, divorce makes no sense.

Couples who've survived a potentially marriage-ending situation, such as infidelity or a life-threatening disease, death of a child may continue to battle years of built-up resentment, anger or bitterness. So, what are some ways to strengthen a floundering relationship — or even encourage a healthy one?

• Focus on your spouse's strengths rather than their weaknesses--write down those negative things on a piece of paper and BURN it.  I try to remind myself that I do NOT want Josh thinking about all of my weaknesses, so WHY do I do that for him?
• Encourage rather than criticize--MAKE yourself do it. I am sure there is SOMETHING you can find; ask God to show you.  Many times I had to do this, even when Josh was gone. If Josh showed up to watch Jael dance--"Thank you for coming! I really appreciate you being here for her!"  Watch your heart...make sure you are not allowing it to drip with sarcasm.  It would be better to say NOTHING, if you don't mean it.  
• Pray for your spouse instead of gossiping about them--it's shocking how much this actually BOTHERS people when they are reminded of this.  We are not perfect, but we do need to pay attention of what we are talking about in regards to our spouses. Do we make them look good or bad? The people you share your bad feelings with have NO grace for the situations you are talking about.  When you have moved on they are still thinking about what a bad guy your husband was to you! God gives grace to YOU, not to them.  Be careful.  
• Learn and live what Christ teaches about relating to and loving others--if your husband feels more like your enemy...well, there is NO way out. The Bible deals with those people, too!  "Love your enemies."

Odds are, annoying habits and less-than-appealing behaviors will surface after marriage. Our first year of marriage was not extremely difficult for me, because I remember my mom pointing out ALL of the negative things she noticed in Josh. His attitudes, his habits, his less-than-appealing behaviors....and she lovingly pointed out that they would only be GREATER after we were married. Was I prepared?

As Christians, we are called to respect everyone — including our spouse.

Also, have you considered how much some of the things we complain about might actually benefit us in the big picture? Most often people like to think of the extreme cases.  I am not addressing those; I am talking about how we complain about the movies, sports, video games, shopping or meetings that take up our spouse's time. These can all be used as opportunities to be selfless, and when we act like this....HONEST, it really only reaps benefits to us.  The times where I freely,  without guilt, encourage Josh to do the things he enjoys.......guess who gets appreciated more!!  Yup, me!!!  Hopefully I can address this at a later time, as it took me a LONG time not to be jealous over my husband's time.  We are both MUCH happier NOW, and I probably get more time with him than I did previously. Win-Win!

I heard one time that we need to 'fall forward.' That is, when we are frustrated or angry, instead of pulling back, we must still pursue our partner under God's mercy and grace.

God will answer your prayers as to HOW to love your spouse, even when they do NOT deserve it. Many times God gives me PRACTICAL advice on HOW to show God's love, mercy, and grace. When Josh was gone, even more so....inviting Josh with us to "family" outings. Inviting him over for dinner or dessert.  We must listen. It's one prayer that I find gets answered just about every time, if you really want an answer.

Any couple can have a successful, happy and holy marriage. With a Christ-centered relationship, an other-centered attitude and an unwavering commitment to making it work, your marriage can flourish — just as God designed.  God can change your heart in regards to those little issues that bugged you before.....more on that later.

A Pivotal Moment

In a few hours I will be on a mountain with a whole bunch of men. It is the time of year when the men from our church get away for a couple of days together. I look forward to this time of year. It is called Men's Advance.

When I attended my first MA I was quite the different person. First off, from where I stand now, I would have to say that the 'Josh' that went up to that mountain was weak and wounded. Whether or not I was even qualified to be called a man is hard to say. I had only recently returned (6 months) from my prodigal days.

I'm not really sure why I made it a point to go. I knew the caliber of men that went to this thing because I knew some of the men from the church. The last place I wanted to be was around a bunch of Holy Spirit-filled men that knew the voice of God. But, I had lived the past many years hiding out in plain sight. I figured I could do it easily enough for the weekend.

But, what I found on the mountain was more than I had bargained for. You see, these men that I found myself up on a mountain with were not ordinary guys. They were the men that my wife had prayed into my life. And because of her prayers, God had ordained and anointed these men to boldly step into my life. They were who God had designed to push me, challenge me, and get in my face when I needed it.

Don't get me wrong; I had lots of people in my life to do that but they all felt too close to the situation. The people I had in my life at the time all had vested interest in me. I was their son, brother, friend, and fellow minister. At the time I felt like they all wanted me to get better because of what I could do for them. I realize that was wrong thinking but that is where I was. And as a result, my ears to hear them were shut.

But, these men on that mountain were not close to the situation. I offered them nothing but the broken down person that I was. They had no interest in me other than to minister healing to me. They didn't know me other than I was new at the church. No one knew my story and I was glad about that. It didn't stay that way for long.

On Friday night, after the teaching session, about 15 of us were just hanging out in our cabin. Nothing serious, nothing spiritual...just being guys (i.e. potty humor, dumb guy type jokes). Then one of the guys pulled out some picture cards and asked us to pick one that illustrated our life at the time. I picked one that was a picture of a broken, rusty bike. No wheels, broken chains, outside next to a house. When I shared it I wanted the conversation to just move on to someone else. But, this one guy (now my best friend) asked me to explain why that picture was me. It was like the floodgates opened. Out of me poured all of the dirt from the past...all the pornography, all the lies, all the cheating. And not one of these men backed down from the sin. In fact, they laid hands on me, prayed for me, prophesied over me, and began restoring back to me all that I had lost. They embraced me as one of them. They embraced me...all broken, banged up, lost, and smelling like pig slop...as one of them.

After we came down from the mountain, a week or so later, a group of us began meeting to push each other into greatness designed for us by God. What I soon learned was that these were not men that never messed up. These were men that had made mistakes, learned from them and now knew who they were. They knew that in order to be who God designed them to be they had to stay close to the One who defined them. These were men that knew how to fight. And, by meeting with them I learned who I was...and I learned how to fight.

I do not remember what was spoken at the meeting times. But, I know what happened in that cabin with 15 guys. God showed up and, through those men, changed my life. Thank you, Father, for putting me on a collision course with those men. Men, thank you for being bold and speaking into me and helping silence the enemy by your words and prayers. I am forever grateful. That weekend was a pivotal moment for me and my family.

And in a few hours, I will meet with those men again. I am not the same weak and wounded man I was before. Now, I go to be challenged to go deeper but also to give of what I was given. Oh, for the privilege to speak and help change a man's life like mine was 3 years ago. I yearn for the opportunity.

************************************************************

Pray for your spouse that God would set them on a collision course with men and women that will be the catalyst for change. The battle has only begun. Pray for more soldiers to join your fight.

Josh

Men's Advance Weekend

Josh is getting ready to leave for REZ Men's Advance 2011.  Many people do not realize that THIS was a pivotal moment in time for Josh's recovery process--for our healing.  God did it, but I, without a doubt, believe that this was a GOD thing.  Josh and I had just moved to Colorado, and we moved with him having NO job.  It seemed crazy, but we really felt that it was to save our marriage....which was worth that risk.  The only thing I regret is the people who were affected and are still affected by the time, money, and overall expense of our move/moves. Family is awesome to help out, but I wish it only affected us.  (okay, yes, a rabbit trail...but I wanted to say THANK YOU to those people...you know who you are.) 

Rez Men's Advance was quickly approaching, and we had just arrived. We had no idea what it was about, but we had purposed that although REZ was a large church.....we were going to get plugged-in.  With absolutely NO income we had no way of financially affording a trip to the mountains.  Men's 6:33 (the men's group) offered a scholarship to pay for Josh's FULL registration.  It was an investment we will NEVER forget. 

Josh can probably share more from his perspective, but you see, I had been praying for Josh to be surrounded by men that would encourage him, befriend him, and embrace him.  To walk back home is never easy, but to STAY home and face the consequences...THAT takes a STRONG man.  Things are not easy when you walk into that kind of brokenness. Seeing your children weep when you leave for work, asking if you are returning at the end of the day....those can NOT be easy questions/scenarios to encounter.  He needed MEN--HONEST, HUMBLE MEN. 

My prayer wasn't so much for an accountability partner--but for fellow strugglers, not moral giants. They need to be able to sympathize with the struggle, either because they have struggled through it themselves or because they have successfully counseled those who have. Good friends see that we can all have weaknesses and they do not see themselves as above the problem. Josh needed men that were able to embrace him and yet be BOLD and HONEST.  AND not let him hide...DRAWING truth out of him. In my heart, I knew he was ready to tell the truth, but he needed men who could handle it, too! We had already lost people along the way.  He needed friends, fellow travelers, not cops. A cop is someone who is just looking over your shoulder for you to mess up. You only interact with a cop when he catches you breaking the law.  A real friend is someone who is willing to get in the vehicle with you, helps you drive in the lines, travels with you in life, in good times and bad, helps you look out for the potholes, helps you read the road signs, helps you get to where you are going. No doubt we may need those "cops" in our life, but this was NOT what I was praying for.  The Christian community has LOTS of cops.

Josh needed fellow soldiers, not wimps. As the ancient proverb goes, “Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.” Real friends are willing to call us out when we’ve given up on our commitments, willing to confront us without condemning us. They don’t shy away from the hard stuff or become wimps in the face of our faults. They help us fight.

The night of the first meeting the men were all gathered together after the meeting; I can really only picture it from a girl's perspective........I do hope he shares. (hint, hint)   I can imagine the meeting was good, but there must have been SOMETHING different about this night.  Something was brewing in the HEAVENS--prayers are POWERFUL things, Friends!!!  The men started to open up, and Josh decided instead of hiding and giving a typical "I'm fine, let's move on to someone else's life" after being asked a question---the dam broke.  TO HEAR ONE MAN willing to share his story...willing to tell some details about his messed up life, willing to look ugly and sinful....he gained friends that will NEVER leave him. From my recollection they stayed up REALLY late.  Through the things that happened that night, Josh has some men in his life that have learned what REAL fighting looks like.  We are all stronger for the relationships and things that happened that night--3 years ago.  Honest, it seems like MORE years than that!!! 

My words of gratitude seem inadequate compared to what I gained....a humble, broken, repentant man...with friends that accepted him with all of his faults, and yet helped walk him through those UGLY details of being a prodigal son, yet returned and redeemed.  Friends willing to say, "Do NOT lie to me and tell me you are fine, because I can SEE that you are NOT fine.  I can tell in your voice that you are NOT doing okay!!"  Those kind are priceless.

Pray those people into your spouse's life!! I did, and I definitely have a better marriage for it.  Some of these men still meet together every other week, just to check up on each other. It's growing, as the need is not a one time thing.  Yes, they laugh and joke and eat...they are still REAL.  BUT they have found a way to also BRING down heaven through their prayers, and they have become better men and husbands for it. 

My prayers are for this weekend to be a GOD encounter for some more men; it was for mine....Josh is in a different place. He is not a broken-down soldier in need of food and water....he has plenty to teach now.  He happens to be one that survived that battle that so many men aren't even willing enough to admit they are in, until it is TOO late.  Praying that some divine appointments are made. While the men draw close to God may He reveal to them the broken and hurting; may the Words of God and His wisdom flow freely. 

It's gonna be a good one..........in Jesus' Mighty Name! 

Second Place

Their is a common misconception that marriage is to find a soul mate, to find someone that makes you a better person, to find someone to "complete you!"  Hey, even HOLLYWOOD says it...and we know "they" tell the truth about EVERYTHING! (insert sarcasm)

Without sounding too harsh, the problem with looking to another human to complete us is that, spiritually speaking, it's idolatry. We are to find our fulfillment and purpose in God . . .

God designed marriage to provide: partnership, spiritual intimacy and the ability to pursue God — together.

Satan is going to do whatever he can to make it so that THOSE things are going to be VERY difficult to accomplish.  So, what do you have a hard time with...any of these?  I certainly do!  As Josh and I learn more how to accomplish these things we pray that God gives us the practical advice and words to share.

If we put out spouse in a place that they need to be our "all" we are setting them up for failure.  No one can meet those expectations.  Our spouse can help move us into a good direction--my husband has done it many times--BUT we must not put them in a place above God.  God should be FIRST place.  Our spouse should take SECOND.

Everyone has bad days, yells at his or her spouse, or is downright selfish. Josh mentioned already about how our spouse can immediately change our outlook on life. Completely selfish turns into HAVING someone else to consider.  Living this way is not impossible, but it IS a challenge.  We cannot be selfish. 

We must realize God created marriage as a mirror of God's covenant relationship--you can see this throughout the Bible. For instance, Jesus refers to Himself as the bridegroom and to the kingdom of heaven as a wedding banquet.

These points demonstrate that God's purposes for marriage extend far beyond personal happiness. It is great to be happy, but you must realize that it is NOT the number one goal of  marriage.  Marriage promotes something of much higher value. Grasping this concept can bring you through some tough times. Our emotions are very fickle, and as we seek God as FIRST place we gain happiness from pleasing HIM.  Our happiness comes from pleasing our Heavenly Father. When we please Him our hearts will be soft, and in turn, we will find happiness in things we did not expect. Making God first will allow our marriages to fall in line with His will.  And, guess what?  Your spouse will NOT mind being second...he/she will LOVE it.

Our marriages need to point to our Heavenly Father and His existence.

Journaling

When you get discouraged turn away from the circumstances and turn to God in prayer. Ask Him for the answers you seek. Read special scriptures you have received in days past. Turn off the television and turn on Christian music. Call a prayer partner and ask for specific prayer for this day. If you are keeping a journal, look back at all that God has done for you. If you haven't been journaling, start now. Your journal, which need be only a notebook, can become the friend with whom you share your victories and your hurts. AND I do NOT mean an online journal.

If you say, yes, but I don't like to journal.  Honest, I am not your typical journal-keeper, but I had to keep one.  I would get so discouraged; I would get so hurt. BUT I knew it was just the enemy trying to come in and make me want to give up.  My journals are something that were private, raw, and real.  Being a rollercoaster of emotion when I had to actually TALK to Josh or deal with him made me realize that I had to WRITE it down or I would ruin any attempt at Josh's return home being peaceful.  If I shared my feelings with everyone no one would want to ever see him again.  If I shared all of it, my children would have hated their father.  So, I am not saying I never struggled, but I believed that he would home ONE day.  If I had written everything that happened between us during those 4 months Josh would have never felt safe enough to come home. 

Having the testimonies and the struggles written down have allowed me to write some of the things you have already read. When God does a complete healing it's amazing what things He helps remove from our memories. I happen to have a computer database memory file, and I have had to ask the Lord to take those things that hurt so badly and move them to the recycle bin.  Many things I don't even remember until I read the journals.  God is so good.

Remember, the enemy will turn up the heat when your miracle is about to happen. Expect the Lord to help you in this day of discouragement, for we know He will.

"Hear my prayer, O Lord; listen to my cry for mercy. In the day of my trouble, I will call to you, for you will answer me." Psalm 86:6-7

He Only Cares About You!

When you read my posts you have to understand that I don't really have a desire to share the brutally honest truth of the matter. It's not because I don't want to help where I can; I do want to help you. I don't want to share because it makes me do a whole lot of introspection and looking back to a dark time in my life. I hate looking back to that time!! But, by me looking back and then sharing my testimony, I strip the enemy of any ammunition (guilt, condemnation, depression, and regret) that he would seek to arm himself with against me and my family. So, I share this for selfish reasons; I want to continue to walk in the victory that my Jesus has bestowed upon me. The blood of the Lamb and my testimony make for a deadly combination to the enemy! (Rev. 12:11)

When I came home, I knew there was a lot of work that needed to be done. I did not know if I was up for it. I knew going back home was going to be a tearful, gut-wrenching, grit-your-teeth-to-make-it-through type of journey. To be perfectly honest, I was not home because I wanted to be. I came home because I didn't know what else to do.

I came home because I couldn't do this to my wife and kids anymore. The hurt that I inflicted everyday by my being gone was not fair. In my mind, I reasoned that I would give it another try...even if it meant that I was unhappy in doing it. I figured that I was man enough to deal with some unhappiness if it meant my family would be in a better place.

(This, by the way, is a flawed sense of morals, priorities, and responsibilities. I will address this in a minute.)

It's interesting though that, for immature and weak people, God does not care your reasons for why we do something, He only cares about who we are. He does not care if it is because out of simple but defiant obedience or because of our love for Him. He does not care if we accept His Son to escape hell fire or because we desperately want to serve Him. For those of us that are weak, He does not care; He can address the reasons for 'why' at a later date. And He did for me!

In the Scripture, we find Jesus calling to Himself a fisherman named Peter. Peter was an odd bird to put it mildly. One minute he is professing his undying devotion to Jesus, the next he is busy denying Him. Although having walked with Jesus for 3 years, he still pulls his sword in defense of the Messiah. When Jesus speaks of His eventual betrayal and death, Peter rebukes Jesus. And yet this same Peter is the one that preaches the first sermon after the Holy Spirit came into the upper room. This Peter was the same one that when he found himself sentenced to crucifixion at the end of his life asks to be crucified upside-down rather than dishonor the way in which His Master died. This Peter was a key leader in the establishment of the early church. God does not care about the 'why'; He cares about the 'who'.

Hey, Stander....He doesn't care about why you are standing. He doesn't care if you hate the idea of it but do it anyway. His only care is about you. You are the 'who' He cares about. You are the reason why!

Hey, Prodigal....He doesn't care about why you left. He doesn't care about why you are coming home. He doesn't care about the condition in which you return. His only care is for you. He only cares about you. He can deal with the junk you carry later. Right now, He wants to put a new robe on your back, a new ring on your finger, and new sandals on your feet. He wants to kill the fatted calf at your return. And, right now...at this very moment, He is running to embrace you! He only cares about you!

As I said earlier, when I came home I didn't want to be there. But God, in His infinite supply of love and grace, began to gently and firmly change my heart. It took some time but I eventually wanted to be there with my wife. I wanted my marriage to work. I was ready for the pain that I had to face in order to facilitate healing. I was ready to work and to fight. My 'why' had changed.

I had thought that I was man enough to do it on my own. Like I said...that is flawed reasoning. I would be able to make my stand for a time but I could only do so much in my own strength. As long as I was the 'why' I would fall again. I would be able to do everything in the physical. But, in case you are just learning this....standing for your marriage is not a physical fight. It is a fight that you cannot see with your natural eyes.

My 'why' became Jesus! Jesus became more than just the motivating factor for lasting change; He must become the foundation! He is the only One that can do it. If you are the only reason who you are, you will only be able to maintain for so long. But if Jesus becomes your foundation for who you are, you can do more than what you are capable of.

Jesus carried the weight of sin and endured the punishment for sin for all of humanity. Over and over He was whipped and beaten for me and you. And as they were nailing Him to the cross, He cries out, "Father, forgive them! They don't know what they are doing!" That kind of power...that kind of forgiveness...that kind of love now lives inside of you.

With that power, forgiveness, and love inside of you, you will be able to endure the pain of an unfaithful spouse over and over again. You will be able to forgive in the face of hatred. You will be able to walk that road back to home and face down whatever drove you away. You will the worth in fighting for what others may say is dead and hopeless.

When Jesus is for you it does not matter the odds against you!

He only cares about you!

Josh

Children and Standing

Never stop standing! Josh would often say that I should not give the kids hope that he would come home.  He did not want our children to have ANY hope that he would come home. That is normal for the prodigal spouse who is gone. The prayers of our children are VERY powerful.  Why would HE want to encourage something that could potentially damage his plans?

Am I saying that you should make your spouse look bad in front of your children? ABSOLUTELY not!  You are there to protect your spouse, regardless of what they have done, regardless of them being gone. 

You need to live, walk and act like a Christian spouse who believes in the power of prayer and in the mighty power of your Lord God. You need to teach your children about prayer and how to pray for problems in their daily life.

Your spouse does not want your child to become confused. He does not want to give them any hope or encouragement that they are coming home.

I often told my children Bible stories about impossible situations in the Old Testament. Then I would say, "That is why I believe that God can bring Daddy home." We just have to trust, wait and believe that God is in control. Nothing is too hard for our Lord God to do." When they would became discouraged about how long it was taking I would just have to refer to waiting on the promises of God.  We never know when the Holy Spirit is working behind the scenes. When we have joined ourselves together with God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit......we have three other fighters.....the BEST I know!!!  So, when we got tired I reminded them that we had a LOT of other fighters, too!

Seek your Lord how to respond to your children according to their age. We must teach our children between right and wrong and making bad choices so that they will know the difference. My children just knew that Daddy was "running from God!"   In years to come I am sure they will learn more and more as it becomes a part of our testimony and ministry.  Do not tell your children things inappropriate for their age. They are hurting enough as it is.  Saying something like, "Daddy loves someone else more....."  that will only hurt them and make them question their father's love for them.  If you believe God can handle the impossible situation, then it must carry over into what you speak to your children.  This is NOT about taking sides.  Your children do not need to have more than they can handle.  When your spouse comes home it will be hard enough to bridge the gap of time, don't add more. 

As the Lord leads, I am hoping to have more and more posts that will address these practical issues with children, dailiy life, etc. Pray the Lord grants me wisdom and the words to express His heart.  These are definitely a personal conviction, but I pray my heart comes across, not in a condeming way.  This is not an easy road to travel, but it CAN be done. I believe it also pleases the heart of God. 
I would never stop standing or praying for my spouse who needs to be home to be the spouse and parent that God intended them to be.

May you consult the answers with an open Bible and an open heart, thus allowing God's Holy Spirit to help you find the truth.

Easter and Your Marriage

Today is Easter. The day in which we celebrate the resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ. If you call yourself a Christian, today is the culmination of everything we believe. Friday was the day that our debt of sin was paid; today is the day that death, hell, and the grave lost all of their power over us. No longer do we have to anticipate and accept natural death as the end of our lives, hell as our payment for sin, and the grave as our final resting place. This is the GREATEST news of the gospel!

You may be asking, "This is great news for my soul but how does this apply to my marriage though?"

The resurrection has everything to do with your marriage!

Jesus is the bridegroom; the church is His bride. His taking the cross was His act of consummating His union to His bride. And, He did it for a bride He has yet to be fully joined to!! He is not even able to whisk her away to the honeymoon because that time has not yet come. And still, He died for her. Jesus stood for His marriage even before He was able to fully take her to Himself.

If Jesus was able to stand for His marriage...
If Jesus was able to die the death that He did...
If Jesus was able to lie in a cold, dark tomb for 3 days with guards watching its entrance...
If Jesus had the power to roll the stone away from the mouth of the tomb...
If Jesus was able to come back to life again...
If Jesus was able to find the time to go down and wrest the keys to death, hell, and the grave from those that held them...
If Jesus did all this for a bride that He had yet to return for...

Just imagine what He can do in your marriage

if you invite Him into it?

It doesn't matter what the situation that you are dealing with. Your wife did....your husband did...they don't....we can't....we will never....it's over! Whatever the magnitude of bad you and your marriage is at, Jesus is bigger. Whatever you may have said was impossible, Jesus wants to show you that impossibilities are lies with Him. He wants you to know what is really possible when your marriage becomes submitted to the One who did the impossible.

This Easter I dare you to invite the risen Lord into your marriage. Allow Him to rolls the stones that are blocking your exit out of your marital tomb. Allow Him to wrest the keys to your marital success from those that hold them. Give Him permission to breathe His breath of life into your dying, lifeless, and decaying marriage.

I dare you to let Jesus stand for your marriage through you!!

What can the risen Lord do in your marriage?

He's Home...BUT

What a praise! Your spouse is home. Often when a spouse comes home, they are coming home for many different reasons. Some come home because the other person is pushing for marriage or there is strife between them. (Often due to the results of your praying.) Another reason that a spouse comes home is that they know they should have never left. They are trying to correct the mistakes that they have made in their life. The best way for a spouse to come home is confessing, repenting and crying out to their Lord for help. They are sorry for all that they have done to their marriage and their family. HOWEVER....this is not always the case.....

Josh came home suddenly in obedience and fear of God...I believe. He can share if he disagrees.  His Heavenly Father had not let him go.  That happens to many prodigal spouses. I always suggest you pray, break, smash and destroy all soul ties between your spouse and any other ungodly relationships. Again, this is not how it happens, but God can guide you.  Josh didn't go through that process until almost a year later. 

Some spouses that come home are afraid how to get back into the family's routine, when you have been living without them for a period of time. You need to try to bring them back into feeling accepted by all family members.

Many prodigals who come home start feeling the spiritual battle between Satan and Jesus Christ. One is leading them into restoration, while the enemy is tempting your spouse with the other person in many different ways. Offer to your spouse that you do not mind them telling you when the other person calls or contacts them. You then must react as Jesus would and pray for them. Do not get mad or upset with either person. This is a spiritual battle. Read Ephesians 6:10-13. Pray that God brings in a Godly man to help hold him accountable.  BUT also realize NONE of those things are what will make this "work."  God makes this work...not man. 

You need to walk in faith and trust your Lord. Just keep praying for the Holy Spirit to give them strength to leave the other world of sin and darkness. Daily pray for their salvation and for a new life in Jesus Christ. Pray that your spouse will repent and accept Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord of their life and turn from the temptations of the world.

Josh and I know that you want all the love and feelings back into your marriage with all the bad memories to be gone instantly, but that does not always happen.

Pray Psalm 51 as a prayer with your spouse's name in it regularly. Give them time. Believe in them and give them space. You can trust God only for complete restoration of your marriage.

This may be very hard for your spouse to be back home for many different reasons. Josh had to deal with grief and sorrow of his other relationship being broken and severed. He still cared and wondered about the other person, for a time. That is why some spouses come and go two or three times before all contact with the other person is broken forever.  If contact is not completely gone...the REAL process cannot start. Josh didn't break complete contact for over a week.  Satan may retreat for a short while, but never stop praying for your returned spouse being home. Satan may try another trick or scheme.

Now you and your spouse always need to be alert for any temptations. Pray that you or your spouse will recognize any tricks or schemes.

Love your spouse unconditionally and wait on the Lord. Your spouse is not the enemy, but Satan. They have been blinded and deceived to God's way and truths. Now while they are living at home. You need to pray without ceasing as never before. If your spouse is struggling but still at home....all of these things still apply. 
Depending on your marriage, and God's wisdom and instruction, you may consider counseling, if you and your spouse agree. If it will cause strife, allow your Lord to be the perfect Counselor as in Isaiah 9:6. It took Josh almost a year before we went to counseling.  God does heal hurting and dead marriages. God is moving, trust Him. Just keep praising the Lord and keep praying.

"Then the nations around you that remain will know that I the Lord have rebuilt what was destroyed and have replanted what was desolate. I the Lord have spoken, and I will do it." Ezekiel 36:36

be like the Father and embrace the prodigal

Praying Scripture Over Your Spouse

For months, I had these Scriptures posted all over my mirrors in my bathroom.......I still have index cards of them, and MANY more that God has put on my heart for Josh and our family. As your heart for your spouse softens, and you search for more things in God's word your list of Scriptures will increase.

In Jesus’ name, I pull down and destroy every stronghold, imagination, argument and high thing that raises itself against the knowledge of God’s word in Josh’s heart. I pull down the strongholds of pride, arrogance, sexual addiction, and ANGER.  I take Josh’s thoughts captive to the obedience of Jesus Christ and bind his/her heart to God’s word of truth. When he walks about, it will guide him. When he sleeps, it will watch over him, and when Josh awakens, it will talk to him. (2 Cor. 10:4-5; Pro. 6:21)

In Jesus’ name and by the power of His blood, I bind the strong man of hatred, anger, and un-forgiveness, pride, and arrogance and I forbid it from operating in Josh's heart. I declare it inoperable against him. I loose the spirit of love, peace, forgiveness, and humility into his heart according to

Matthew 18:18 that says, “Whatever I bind on earth, shall be bound in heaven, and whatever I loose on earth, shall be loosed in heaven.”

Lord, I thank You that You will deliver the one for whom I intercede that is not innocent. Yes, Josh will be delivered through the cleanness of my hands. Job 22:30

Many are the plans in Josh’s mind, but it is Your purpose that will stand for them. Pr 19:21 AMP

You said in Isaiah 49:24 that even though Josh has become prey to the mighty or has been taken captive lawfully, he shall be delivered. For You will contend with those that contend with me, and You will save my children.

You have promised to pour Your Spirit upon my seed and Your blessings upon my offspring. Is 44:3 You will pour water upon them and floods upon the dry ground of their hearts because he is spiritually thirsty. 

I thank You that Your covenant with them is that Your Spirit which is upon me and Your words which You have put in my mouth shall not depart from them or their mouth, or from their offspring’s mouth. Is 59:21

My children shall dwell safely and continue, and their descendents shall be established before You. Ps 102:28

The seed of the righteous shall be delivered. Pr 11:21 Deliver Josh from the snare of the trapper. Ps 91:31

I pray that Josh will come to his senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will. 2 Tim 2:26

I pray that the spirit of truth would penetrate Josh’s heart. John 16:13

I forbid the god of this world from blinding Josh and I declare that he is crucified to this world and this world is crucified to him. Josh has been translated from the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of Your Son, Jesus Christ. Col 1:13

Father, I lay hold of Your covenant for Josh. You said that You have made an everlasting covenant with Josh, that You will not turn away from him, to do them good; but You will put Your fear in his heart so they will not depart from You. Jer 32:40 PUT YOUR FEAR IN JOSH!

Father, You have promised to circumcise my heart and the hearts of my children, which means to open it to the gospel and take away all hindrances in obeying the truth. You will do this so that they will love You with all of their hearts and all of their souls, and live. Deut 30:6

Thank you for giving Josh a new heart and for putting a new spirit in him. Your word says that You will remove from him a heart of stone and give him a heart of flesh. Ezek 36:26

No one is able to snatch Josh out of Your hand. John 10:29

Let Your Spirit of Truth come and... convict Josh of sin and righteousness and judgment in his life. John 16:8

May Josh hear Your voice calling him to return to You and receive Your promise to heal his backslidings. Jer 3:22 Soften his heart.

Open Josh's eyes and turn him from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan unto God, that he may receive forgiveness of sins, and an inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith that is in Christ. Acts 26:18

Please grant Josh repentance so that he would confess his sins, for I know You will be faithful and just to forgive Josh's sins, and to cleanse him from all unrighteousness. I Jn 1:9

Bring Josh to the place where he will confess his faults one to another, and pray one for another, that Josh may be healed. James 5:16

Alert Josh to know the time, that now it is high time for him to awake out of sleep: for now is his salvation nearer than when he believed. The night is far spent, the day is at hand: I pray that Josh will walk honestly, as in the day: not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness (pleasure mindedness), not in strife and envying. But I pray that Josh will put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill the lusts thereof. Rom 13:11-14

Lord, deliver Josh from the way of the evil man, from the man that speaks perverse things, from those who leave the paths of uprightness, to walk in the ways of darkness; Who delight in doing evil, and rejoice in the perversity of evil; Whose paths are crooked, and who are devious in their ways. Prov 2:12-15

Lord, please remove the rebellion and worldliness from Josh's heart. Have mercy upon him, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out his transgressions.  Wash Josh thoroughly from his iniquity, and cleanse him from his sin.  Bring Josh to acknowledge his transgressions: and the sin that is ever before him. Against thee, thee only, has Josh sinned, and done this evil in Your sight. Ps 51:1-4

Purge Josh with hyssop, and he shall be whiter than snow.  Hide Your face from Josh's sins, and blot out all his iniquities. Create in Josh a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within him. Cast Josh not away from Your presence; and take not Your Holy Spirit from him.  Restore unto Josh the joy of Your salvation; and uphold him with Your free spirit.  Then will Josh teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto You. Ps 51:7-13

I pray that Josh will come out from (the world), and be separate and touch not the unclean thing so that You will receive him back. 2 Cor 6:17

Thank you for Your Word that says, "Refrain your voice from weeping, And your eyes from tears; For your work shall be rewarded, says the Lord, And they shall come back from the land of the enemy. There is hope in your future, says the Lord, That your children shall come back to their own border." Jer 31:16,17

Father, I pull down the strongholds of pride, unbelief, rebellion, fear, deception, false theologies and sexual addictions. I take Josh’s heart captive to the obedience of Jesus Christ. 2 Cor 10:4-5

I apply the blood of Jesus over Josh, for I overcome the enemy by the blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony. Rev 12:11 Where the blood of Jesus is applied the destroyer cannot come in.

Spending hours focusing on God's promises to my family and me helped me continue in my stand....YES, everyday I would read EVERY one of these declarations.  AND the list continued over time....Because I believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, I can declare that I and my household are saved! Acts 16:31

Calling Out to All Prodigals

I pray that today's post may shed some light on the darkness you may be facing. Whether you are the stander, may this show you how to pray for your loved one. If you are the prodigal, may you hear from someone that knows what you are going through. I'm not really sure where to start with this so I will just let it flow....

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I am a stander. But not due to the greatness of my own spirit or convictions. I stand because I was shown how to stand by my wife. In the face of seemingly insurmountable odds, my wife set her face towards God and chose to believe His Word about God, about marriage, and about me. I have since come to the same truths about God and about marriage. And more importantly, I have come to know the truth about me.

Although I am now a stander, I was a prodigal first. I guess you could call me a reformed prodigal. Or better yet...a redeemed prodigal. Yes, I am a redeemed prodigal. I am glad that I have been redeemed but many days I feel so ashamed about the past that I created. I am unworthy of the life that I now am free to live.

You see, I had all the opportunities that everyone has to be the person that I was designed to be. I also had all the opportunities to be the person that it was easier to be. And that is the person I chose to be. I didn't make the time to know God. I didn't find the time to learn who He made me to be. I didn't care about what I was giving up; I wanted to be the one in control. It was easier to be influenced by the allure of the world and its value system than to stand for righteousness and truth.

But, easy never allows for growth. Easy never causes one to rise up, to overcome, to see what waits for those that will ascend the hill of God. Easy only leads one to begin to desire the slop of the pigs. Easy paves the way that will draw you down to places you could never have imagined in your wildest nightmares. Easy makes sure that there are no bumps in the road to deter you from your destruction.

To the prodigals that may be reading this...please, hear the truth from someone that has been down that smooth, easy path. The road you are on will not bring you what you think you are missing out on. The choices you have made will not bring joy, or freedom, or the life you think you were made to live. You will wind up broken, alone, and longing for things to just go back to the way they were.

Prodigal child, running son, hiding daughter, please, please, listen to me. If you haven't yet, you will find yourself longing for things to go back to the way that they used to be. Your mind will wander thinking about what if I stayed. You left the life, marriage, and the family you had for what might have been with someone or something else. And now, what you had hoped would bring satisfaction has now left you empty and alone. I was there...I know the emptiness. I know the feeling that all is lost.

BUT IT'S NOT OVER!!

There is still hope. What was lost can be restored. Not only restored but redeemed. Everything that was lost can be bought back. Not only can it be bought back but it has been purchased. There is a man, Jesus, that took a cross to pay for all of your sin and my sin. He made it possible for all to be redeemed. All of your bad choices, all of your running, all of your infidelity, all of your unnatural desires....He paid for all of them so that you could be free from them.

Prodigal, you are not too far gone. You have not strayed so far that His love cannot reach you. You have done nothing that He cannot and will not and has not already forgiven you. You are redeemed; all you have to do is ask.

If you are reading this and need someone to simply hear you and your heart, email us. If you need someone to cry with, we are here for you. If you need someone to show you to this man, Jesus, we would love to help you with that. If no one else with fight with you to get back to the place where you know you are supposed to be, we will. We love you!!

Still standing as a redeemed prodigal,
Josh

I am tired...

I pray that the Lord will give me the words for you. I cry because I know your pain.

I learned the lesson early on and learned to not look at my husband's faults, but to look at my own. Looking at my own faults has convicted me and has made me shed many tears. How often have I failed the Lord, which means that I failed my husband.

Have you asked God to speak to you? Have you remained quiet enough to hear him speak? Take your eyes off your spouse and lay them at the cross every day. Pray for your spouse and the other person; ask the Lord to take care of it all.

I had to ask myself at the beginninng will I follow God whether he brings my husband home or not? I know that I will, because I desire all that He offers. BUT that didn't mean I didn't get tired.  I remember watching a movie while Josh was gone and crying because the main character felt so lost.  As his face was sprayed with water from a sprinkler he was reminded that the Lord does everything because He loves us...and he yelled, "Would you love me a little less!!"   I knew how that felt; I knew the truth that I could NEVER go through this without God...but I hurt so badly. 

As standers we tend to make our marriages our idols and we want things now and fixed quick. If there is only one bit of advice I can give you it is to seek God with all your heart. Learn to be a man or woman after His own heart and bathe in all the wonderful things He gives us daily, such as our health, our home, food and the ability to face another day.

If you want to give up don't look for approval. Tell it to the Lord. If you believe the Word, you know you cannot get married because He says if you are separated either you reconcile or remain unmarried. You will be no good for your husband or wife if you don't surrender yourself, your family and your marriage to Him.

Allow God to change you and give you wisdom. He loves your spouse and He cares about everything that is happening to you. The enemy will attack you forever even after you are restored. You need to know how to fight the enemy and know the Word of God. Become a student of the Word and walk in victory. When he attacks your mind tell him to "get away from me, because greater is He that is in me than He that is in the world. No weapon formed against me will ever harm me." God says if you commit everything to Him, He will make your plans succeed. However, remember it is His will, not ours.

Many times I was reminded very "harshly" that I could not look to others for approval, as the path of a stander is not well-used.  Forgive me if I offend you in any manner. God's Word will give you the answer and when you don't understand ask Him to clear it up for you.

You are fighting for your family and for salvation. You are fighting so that these generational curses will not be passed on to your children. Many times my children were a driving force in my ability to stand.

Your Best is in Your Marriage

Sometimes, I think we have a distorted view of our marriages. We have allowed the world and its way of thinking to overtake our own. Instead of us having the mind of Christ, we have the mind of the current culture.

The current culture says that marriage is an outdated social institution that can be revoked or annulled if one of the two parties says that they want out. This is contrary to what God established in the beginning.

The marriage that you are in (whether good or bad) is the one that you have. Mind blowing, huh? What I mean is that your choice has been made for your lifetime. No take-backs, do-overs, refunds, or exchange. God made marriage as one of few things that He established as permanent. I think my amazing wife posted about permanence not long ago.

Marriage is not only a legal arrangement. It is not only a cultural ceremony. It is not outdated or non relevant.

Marriage is, first and foremost, a covenant. It is a covenant between three parties (God, you, and your spouse) that is lived out in the physical by the joining of two (you and your spouse) that can only be successful by the sacrifice of one (you).

Marriage is not a denial of your own individual identity. Rather it is an enhancement of you. If God has called you to and blessed you with marriage, He is desiring to make you the best you that you could be.

You see, before we were married to our spouses, we were very selfish. Everything that we earned from our jobs only had to support our own desires. Sure, some of us had learned how to be generous with what we had but let's be honest...before marriage what we wanted we found a way to get. We wanted new clothes, we bought new clothes. We wanted to go on a trip, we planned it and made it happen. We had no need to be accountable to anyone. We were our own. No responsibilities apart from our own selves. To sum it up...we were selfish!

But after marriage, things changed. Suddenly, there was another person telling you to pick up your stuff. There was another person to contend with about what you were doing over the weekend. It seems that in an instant that you could no longer be selfish. There was someone there drawing the selfishness out of you and trying to replace it with true generosity. And...hint, hint...it wasn't your spouse. It was the first member of your covenant. God, Himself, was operating in your marriage making you the best.

Without marriage, you would not know patience to the extent that you find in carrying your covenant partners burdens. Without marriage, you would not know the meaning of self-sacrifice as you would when you sacrifice for the one you love. You cannot become the best post-marriage until all of the pre-married you decides to join the covenant.

When a covenant, like marriage, the parties involved must give everything to it in order to become truly successful. If they hold out on anything, it doesn't revoke the covenant; it makes the other parties work harder to hold up your side of the covenant. When God joined the covenant of your marriage He put all that He is into it. All of His joy, all of His peace, all of His strength, all of His everything is now yours. And you are welcome to use it whenever you need it without asking.

So, when you feel like giving up and being done, remember that at least one member (not you or your spouse) of your covenant is still fully committed to the covenant. He will be the one to give you the courage to stand even when hell is facing you back. He will give you the inspiration to keep going even when you are tired. He will give you the ability to rejoice in the midst of difficulties. And His causing you to remain where you are...that is, in your marriage...is for the purpose of making you who He designed you to be.

Let God have His perfect work in you through your spouse and through your marriage.

Standing with you,
Josh

How Long Do I Stand?

Forever! Yes, I know....but, I only waited for 3 months......could I have continued? If we surround ourselves with those that will encourage us when we are down, then I believe we can continue doing something forever."  This does NOT mean we won't get tired......

Don't let the number of years stop you praying and waiting for the miracle of your marriage being restored. 

"We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end,
  in order to make your hope sure. We do not want you to become lazy,
  but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what
  has been promised.  When God made his promise to Abraham, since
  there was no one greater for him to swear by, he swore by himself,
  saying, "I will surely bless you and give you many descendants."
  And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was
  promised."  Hebrews 6:11-15

Seek the Lord for His answer to your questions. Then your Lord speaks to your heart. Then obey His commands. God's ways are not our ways.

"For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay." Habakkuk 2:3

What is the meaning of "patience?"   In the Vine's Complete Expository Dictionary, it is a noun, described, "Patience grows only in trials, under chastisement, under undeserved affliction, in fruit bearing, in running the appointed race.  Patience perfects Christian character. Believers who become patient are strengthened with  all power through His Spirit in the inward man."

In the New World Dictionary, patient is defined as, "Bearing or enduring pain, trouble, etc. without complaining or losing self-control; refusing to be provoked or angered, as by an insult, forbearing; tolerant; calmly tolerating delay confusion; able to wait calmly for something desired; steady, diligent; persevering." 

As we read throughout the Bible, we can see how people had to wait patiently for their miracles, their visions, and their promises.  Waiting patiently is developing your Christian character and you are being an example to others while you wait.  May you and I wait, always praising the Lord and not grumbling, trusting and persevering, never giving up or quitting.  We will reap what we sow so be patient waiting for your promise!
Has your marriage fallen apart? Has your spouse found someone else? Do you feel like you are not number 1?  You have cried out to the Lord and He says He will restore and rebuild your marriage, giving you promises, but be patient.  Let's not be like the Israelites who grumbled and complained and made God angry. It's worth waiting for His timing, so do not grow weary in well-doing.

Standing for Marriage

A Daily Stance

We talk a lot about standing for your marriage. When you hear that someone is standing for their marriage, your mind immediately defaults to their marriage is failing. Not always true. Actually, standing for your marriage is an everyday practice as it is for extreme circumstances.

In Ephesians 6, it says numerous times to stand. Verse 11, "Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand against all the strategies of the devil." Verse 13, "...after the battle you will still be standing firm." Verse 14, "Stand your ground..." with all the pieces of God's armor.

Do we stand only when the bottom has seemed to fall out? Do we choose to stand after the devil has run rampant through our marriage? Do we only stand after the attack happens? I am telling you now...if you wait to stand until after the onslaught happens, your path to a victorious, healthy marriage will be a harder fight. You will have victory but the work needed to establish that strong, marital defense will be a harder fight. It's easier to keep the devil out than it is to make him leave!

Within the military, there are people whose sole job is to make battle plans for situations that may arise someday. They may never have to use those plans but they have made their stand. They know that within a few moments they will be able to execute their plans for the contingency. They have learned the value of a forceful stance.

So often our reactions to adverse situations in our marriages is one of frustration, depression, denial, and a general escalation of emotions. We cannot think with a clear mind and, therefore, we react to the person standing in front if us instead of a forceful response to the spirit that is motivating that individual. Instead of reacting to the individual, we should be responding with plans that we laid out in times of peace. When the devil rears his head within our marriage let him be met with a forceful and powerful stand. Heels dug in, shields up, swords drawn, and faces set like flint ready to engage the devil. Don't let him catch you with your hands down and not ready. We know that he will attack; we just don't know when it will happen.

We should be proactive in the good times. Let us make our contingency plans in times of peace. Always standing firm and always on guard. We do not decide to make a stand after the battle has begun; we decide to stand when life is peaceable.

What does all of this mean for you and I?

It means to begin overlooking some of your pet peeves that are nothing more than your personal preferences. It means to quit freaking out when he leaves the toilet seat up. It means to stop worrying and causing grief when she is running late because she can't find anything to wear. Stop constantly nagging him about chores you would like to see done around the house. Quit speaking down to her like she is someone beneath you. It means start bringing flowers home, guys. It means start having yourself put together when he comes home from work. It means putting the kids to bed early, shutting off the TV, and just hanging out together.

Men, it means to start dating your wife again. Flirt with her like an adolescent schoolboy. Start crushing on her again. Send her love notes written in the steam on the bathroom mirror. It means reading the Word of God to her and over her. Lead her in the things of God. Bring her home treats that she likes. Call her sometime for no good reason but to hear her voice. Listen to her...no, seriously....actually listen to her and what she is saying when she is telling you about the boring, mundane stuff about her day. (That one thing alone will work wonders, bro!)

Ladies, it means give him something to chase. Let him be your hero...again. Make a big deal about him killing spiders. Become like a teenage girl when he shows off for you. Become his biggest cheerleader. When he thinks you don't know he is listening, brag about him and how strong he is. Trust and believe that he will do what he said he will do. Follow him even if you know better...and don't tell, "I told you so" when it blows up in his face. Instead, encourage him and support him in the face of failure. (If you believe in him wholeheartedly and he knows this, he will challenge the very gates of hell for you, girl!)

The point of all this is this...MAKE YOUR STAND DAILY!! If you keep the devil out today, you won't have to drive him out tomorrow. It's the marriage that God entrusted you with. Protect it, keep it, honor it, STAND FOR IT!!

Standing with you,

Josh

P.S. And, men...pick up your dirty shorts!

Basics

When I was trying to find a good graphic for the blog it was hard finding something that would "work."  As I needed to find something to write about today I realized how perfect that picture is.....to stand for your marriage is often a very lonely road--but it is also a joyful thing to know we are in God's perfect will.  That picture shows a lot of peace to me...a rainbow....believing in the promises of God that stand true through the test of time.  The rainbow is hope that God keeps His promises.  We can stand firm........

1 Corinthians 16:13-14

 Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong.  Do everything in love.

Do you know the enemy you are fighting? The key in fighting any battle begins with understanding your enemy. To be on your guard you have to know the enemy. "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:12 Satan is your enemy. Your spouse has been taken captive by Satan to do his evil will. Satan is defeated by the blood of Jesus Christ. This does NOT mean that I believe your spouse had no choice; they had a choice, and they are allowing Satan access into their lives--most often seen evident in the lies and things they speak. Your defense against Satan is praying the Word of God over your marriage.

Having faith...."Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." Hebrews 11:1,6

Faith is based on two beliefs; first that God is who He says He is, and second that God will do what He says He will do. When you believe that God will fulfill His promises, even when you do not see a physical manifestation of these promises, you are operating in faith. "

"Jesus replied, 'I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, "Go, throw yourself into the sea," and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.'" Matthew 21:21-22

Prayer is the physical demonstration of our faith that God exists, that He hears our prayers and that He will deliver on His promises. Faith means resting in what Christ has done for us in the past, but also means trusting Him for what He will do for us in the future.

COURAGE---it takes courage to stand for a broken marriage. The world bombards us with quick solutions and admonitions to "get on with your life." It takes real guts to be obedient to God by standing for your marriage vows. God is on your side. He will never leave you. Be strengthened in your faith, knowing that Jesus is with you every step of the way through the trial of separation or divorce.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6

I pray that you may find encouragement in knowing that you have back-up; God is waging war against Satan and his minions for the salvation of your home and family.

Staying strong.....an important part of standing for the healing of your marriage is realizing that you are powerless to change your spouse. Only God can change a hardened heart. Your strength is not in your own efforts but through humbly submitting your life and family to God's loving care.

"It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect." 2 Samuel 22:33

" For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

Everything in love.....hands down, the hardest part of standing for the healing of your marriage is giving up the right to be angry and bitter towards the spouse that has left you or even the spouse who is with you but making your life miserable. God commands us to do everything in love. Everything? Always? Who can live up to such a demand?

Most likely easy to understand is the fact that many people use anger and guilt to manipulate their spouses into feeling the pain that they are feeling. If you have been guilty of acting in unloving ways towards your mate, repent and ask God to give you a heart that can love even when it hurts. Your role as wife/husband has not changed just because of the outward circumstances. You are called to love/respect your spouse regardless of what is happening around you. Your calling is still your calling until death, remember? (and, no, you aren't allowed to kill them to speed that up)

Christ is our model of perfect love. Can you love your spouse with the love of Christ? Are you willing to die for them? You can love your spouse in this way because Christ first loved you. Oh, you might have to remind yourself a time or two or three or four or okay, a hundred...but it CAN be done. 

"All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." 2 Corinthians 4:15-17

We have to learn to love without counting the cost. God will bless you.

"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments." Deuteronomy 7:9

When you have an exhausting day think of the generations that will be affected.....the reward is so much greater than the trial you are enduring.

Permanence

So, I have  been told that I believe in marriage....."until death do us part."   Hmm, yes, I do!  I wouldn't believe so strongly, if I didn't.  Does that mean I don't love those around me who have walked a different path?  Absolutely not, I am passionate, but I am not walking around in judgement. We are responsible for what we know. Some people don't even know this stuff.  Others have no conviction about it whatsoever....I am only responsible for what God tells me to do, in sharing--thus, I share.  You are not obligated to believe what I say--search the Word for yourselves. 


What I Believe God Has To Say About Marriage -

Many people say that they know what God's Word says concerning marriage BUT their circumstances are such and such, therefore they can do such and such, all contrary to the Word of God. These comments have me wondering if these individuals really do understand what God's Word has to say about marriage, divorce and remarriage.

Given this understanding of God's laws, what does He have to say about the covenant of marriage?

"The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'" Genesis 2:18

As God created man for fellowship with Him, He also created woman so that the man would have a suitable companion.

"But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called "woman" for she is taken out of man.'" Genesis 2:20-23

God instituted marriage as a gift to Adam and Eve. They were made perfect for each other. Marriage was not a creation of man or any culture, but was the creation of God to bless His children. God takes marriage very seriously. The next verse states God's view concerning His wishes regarding the marriage covenant He created...

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Genesis 2:24

In the Old Testament divorce, remarriage and multiple marriages had crept into the Jewish culture. Jesus addressed this issue by saying...

"'Haven't you read,' he replied, 'that at the beginning the Creator "made them male and female,"' and said, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh?" So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.'" Matthew 19:4-6

The individuals questioning Jesus where trying to trick Him into speaking against Jewish laws and customs, so they pressured Him about Moses allowing divorce...

"'Why then,' they asked, 'did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?'

"Jesus replied, 'Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife...and marries another woman commits adultery.'" Matthew 19:7-9

In just a few sentences, Jesus reinforces God's original plan for marriage...one man, one woman, for life.
So if marriage is a permanent covenant according to God's Word, what does God have to say about divorce?

"'I hate divorce,' says the Lord God" Malachi 2:16

"By law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man." Romans 7:2-3

So God hates divorce, only death breaks the marriage covenant and remarriage while a spouse is still alive is adultery.

In spite of clear doctrine to the contrary, divorce still happens. What does God's Word have to say concerning those that are divorced?

"To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife." I Corinthians 7:10-11

God gives the divorced two choices: reconcile or remain single. The only exception allowing a person to remarry is if their spouse has died.

In closing, many say that the Lord has told them to give up on their marriages, to stop standing and often to remarry. The test to see if what you are hearing is in fact from God, check it out against His Word. God cannot contradict Himself. If what you are hearing disagrees with the commands in God's Word, it is NOT from God.

I believe Satan wants nothing better than for you to give up on your marriage. Why does he wish this? Because he knows by breaking up your family the battle is not over if, you continue to stand for your marriage. He knows that in the end, he will lose when you are standing in agreement with God for the healing of your marriage. Anything he can do to sway you away from Biblical teaching will help ensure his victory. The only way Satan can get at God is through the disobedience of His children.

Remember, that you are only defeated when you give up. Continue to fight and pray for your home. Do not be deceived by the evil one into giving up. Do not believe in the falsehood that God has someone better for you. God does have someone better for you; your one-flesh mate when He cleans them up and brings them home. I am standing in agreement with you, praying for you and your spouse. Many blessings are in store for you when you are obedient to your marriage vows and God's commands in His Word.

This was a tough one to deal with, as I have many friends and family who do NOT believe the same as I do.  I can only pray they hear my heart. Judging a person is NOT my job, thus I do not do it.  Reading things like this are what helped me NOT to give up, when it felt much easier to throw in the towel. Today makes 20 years from my own parents' divorce, so I am not insensitive to the pain.  It took a lot to post this today. My mother taught me that God hated divorce...she did a good job!

Be a Blessing!

  "'Blessed are you who are poor,
      for yours is the kingdom of God.
  Blessed are you who hunger now,
      for you will be satisfied.
  Blessed are you who weep now,
      for you will laugh.
  Blessed are you when men hate you,
      when they exclude you and insult you
      and reject your name as evil, because of the
      Son of Man.
  Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great
      is your reward in heaven.'" Luke 6:20-23

The words of Jesus can speak directly to us in our situation. Marital difficulties, separation and divorce leave its victims in financial straits, hungry for the companionship of the missing spouse, weeping from incredible pain and hated by a spouse that once pledged their love forever. In spite of these circumstances, Jesus calls you "blessed" for "great is your reward in heaven."

"Rejoice? You do not know what my spouse has done! (insert your own thoughts here) I cannot ignore this!" Such comments are usually accompanied with an unforgiving spirit towards your spouse, regardless of the denial that is easy to hide behind.

Jesus explains how to treat the one that has wronged you.

"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those  
who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat
you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?
Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those
who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do
that. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them
without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be
great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to
the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is
merciful." Luke 6:27-28, 32-33, 35-36

Jesus is giving you the formula. Are you following the formula? If not, ask the Lord to give you unconditional love for your spouse regardless of anything that they may have done.

I followed this formula with my husband. Many will tell you that "tough love" and "ultimatums" are the only way to bring your wayward spouse home. It's the only way to build trust.  It's the only way to remove doubt.  God does those things....there is nothing we can do in ourselves to make those things happen. Jesus did not deal with sinners through ultimatums and tough love. He simply loved them. I do not believe His message has changed.

Take time to get quiet before Him, ask the Lord to reveal to you what you should do to show love. Get away from the distractions of the busy world to listen to His response. He will direct you in what you should do. Every single day you have numerous opportunities to be a blessing to your spouse.

It is through these blessings that a hardened heart will be softened, not through constant prodding, pleading and begging. Take hold of this. It is serving the one that least deserves it that lives will be changed through the power of the Holy Spirit. Christ nailed to the cross is your example of unconditional, self-sacrificing love. The world teaches a love that takes and never gives. The way of the cross is to love even when it hurts for the betterment of the one that is loved. The Lord can equip you!

Choose the way of the cross and be a blessing to your spouse. "Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Luke 6:37-38

Stander's Affirmation

I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE!... I will not give up, give in, give out or give over 'til that healing takes place. I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words... in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad...so I am standing NOW, and will not sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall down, look down or be down 'til the breakdown is torn down!

I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances, or listen to prophets of doom, or buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular, convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous... nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God's real thing, nor will I seek to lower God's standard, twist God's will, rewrite God's word, violate God's covenant, or accept what God hates, namely divorce!

In a world of filth, I will stay pure; surrounded by lies I will speak the truth; where hopelessness abounds, I will hope in God: where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse; and where the odds are stacked against me, I will trust in God's faithfulness.

I am a STANDER, and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit.. I have made the choice, set my face, entered the race, believed the Word, and trusted God for all the outcome.

I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse, nor the urging of my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor economic hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up 'til my marriage is healed.

- Author Unknown