I am tired...

I pray that the Lord will give me the words for you. I cry because I know your pain.

I learned the lesson early on and learned to not look at my husband's faults, but to look at my own. Looking at my own faults has convicted me and has made me shed many tears. How often have I failed the Lord, which means that I failed my husband.

Have you asked God to speak to you? Have you remained quiet enough to hear him speak? Take your eyes off your spouse and lay them at the cross every day. Pray for your spouse and the other person; ask the Lord to take care of it all.

I had to ask myself at the beginninng will I follow God whether he brings my husband home or not? I know that I will, because I desire all that He offers. BUT that didn't mean I didn't get tired.  I remember watching a movie while Josh was gone and crying because the main character felt so lost.  As his face was sprayed with water from a sprinkler he was reminded that the Lord does everything because He loves us...and he yelled, "Would you love me a little less!!"   I knew how that felt; I knew the truth that I could NEVER go through this without God...but I hurt so badly. 

As standers we tend to make our marriages our idols and we want things now and fixed quick. If there is only one bit of advice I can give you it is to seek God with all your heart. Learn to be a man or woman after His own heart and bathe in all the wonderful things He gives us daily, such as our health, our home, food and the ability to face another day.

If you want to give up don't look for approval. Tell it to the Lord. If you believe the Word, you know you cannot get married because He says if you are separated either you reconcile or remain unmarried. You will be no good for your husband or wife if you don't surrender yourself, your family and your marriage to Him.

Allow God to change you and give you wisdom. He loves your spouse and He cares about everything that is happening to you. The enemy will attack you forever even after you are restored. You need to know how to fight the enemy and know the Word of God. Become a student of the Word and walk in victory. When he attacks your mind tell him to "get away from me, because greater is He that is in me than He that is in the world. No weapon formed against me will ever harm me." God says if you commit everything to Him, He will make your plans succeed. However, remember it is His will, not ours.

Many times I was reminded very "harshly" that I could not look to others for approval, as the path of a stander is not well-used.  Forgive me if I offend you in any manner. God's Word will give you the answer and when you don't understand ask Him to clear it up for you.

You are fighting for your family and for salvation. You are fighting so that these generational curses will not be passed on to your children. Many times my children were a driving force in my ability to stand.