Work, Shopping, Sports

He works all of the time--always.  She spends money without asking, without checking to see if we have bills, when we have no money. He went to the mountains. He has Men's Group. He goes golfing; he watches sports ALL of the time, instead of spending time with the kids. She always nags to have her list done, when she wants it.  I can never seem to please him/her.

From irritating habits to REAL issues that seem impossible to resolve, loving one's spouse through the tough times isn't easy. Struggles--big or small are the same struggles that drive us apart.  What do you value in marriage? 

"If happiness is our primary goal, we'll get a divorce as soon as happiness seems to wane."

"If receiving love is our primary goal, we'll dump our spouse as soon as they seem to be less attentive."

BUT if we marry for the glory of God, to model His love and commitment to our children, and to reveal His witness to the world, divorce makes no sense.

Couples who've survived a potentially marriage-ending situation, such as infidelity or a life-threatening disease, death of a child may continue to battle years of built-up resentment, anger or bitterness. So, what are some ways to strengthen a floundering relationship — or even encourage a healthy one?

• Focus on your spouse's strengths rather than their weaknesses--write down those negative things on a piece of paper and BURN it.  I try to remind myself that I do NOT want Josh thinking about all of my weaknesses, so WHY do I do that for him?
• Encourage rather than criticize--MAKE yourself do it. I am sure there is SOMETHING you can find; ask God to show you.  Many times I had to do this, even when Josh was gone. If Josh showed up to watch Jael dance--"Thank you for coming! I really appreciate you being here for her!"  Watch your heart...make sure you are not allowing it to drip with sarcasm.  It would be better to say NOTHING, if you don't mean it.  
• Pray for your spouse instead of gossiping about them--it's shocking how much this actually BOTHERS people when they are reminded of this.  We are not perfect, but we do need to pay attention of what we are talking about in regards to our spouses. Do we make them look good or bad? The people you share your bad feelings with have NO grace for the situations you are talking about.  When you have moved on they are still thinking about what a bad guy your husband was to you! God gives grace to YOU, not to them.  Be careful.  
• Learn and live what Christ teaches about relating to and loving others--if your husband feels more like your enemy...well, there is NO way out. The Bible deals with those people, too!  "Love your enemies."

Odds are, annoying habits and less-than-appealing behaviors will surface after marriage. Our first year of marriage was not extremely difficult for me, because I remember my mom pointing out ALL of the negative things she noticed in Josh. His attitudes, his habits, his less-than-appealing behaviors....and she lovingly pointed out that they would only be GREATER after we were married. Was I prepared?

As Christians, we are called to respect everyone — including our spouse.

Also, have you considered how much some of the things we complain about might actually benefit us in the big picture? Most often people like to think of the extreme cases.  I am not addressing those; I am talking about how we complain about the movies, sports, video games, shopping or meetings that take up our spouse's time. These can all be used as opportunities to be selfless, and when we act like this....HONEST, it really only reaps benefits to us.  The times where I freely,  without guilt, encourage Josh to do the things he enjoys.......guess who gets appreciated more!!  Yup, me!!!  Hopefully I can address this at a later time, as it took me a LONG time not to be jealous over my husband's time.  We are both MUCH happier NOW, and I probably get more time with him than I did previously. Win-Win!

I heard one time that we need to 'fall forward.' That is, when we are frustrated or angry, instead of pulling back, we must still pursue our partner under God's mercy and grace.

God will answer your prayers as to HOW to love your spouse, even when they do NOT deserve it. Many times God gives me PRACTICAL advice on HOW to show God's love, mercy, and grace. When Josh was gone, even more so....inviting Josh with us to "family" outings. Inviting him over for dinner or dessert.  We must listen. It's one prayer that I find gets answered just about every time, if you really want an answer.

Any couple can have a successful, happy and holy marriage. With a Christ-centered relationship, an other-centered attitude and an unwavering commitment to making it work, your marriage can flourish — just as God designed.  God can change your heart in regards to those little issues that bugged you before.....more on that later.