So, here we go....taking on a subject that feels WAY too big for our humble little blog and experience. But, nevertheless, we're taking a run at it. We're talking about ABUSE; particularly abuse within the confines of the marriage covenant. It is so sad that this even has to be a subject of a series of posts. The fabric of our society is tearing at the seams and this is an unfortunate and heart-breaking reality that so many have to deal with. Here is our basic position and we will try to expound on it in the days ahead.
1. It's wrong! There is no way of looking at it that will excuse it, neither is there any way to twist it into a good thing. It is evil. It is a perversion of the perfect plan of God. Abuse comes in many forms (physical, emotional, spiritual, and sexual) and ALL of them are directly from the devil and seek to destroy that which God has deemed good and beautiful.
2. Anything used outside of it's intended purpose is abuse. If you use a butter knife as a screwdriver, you are abusing the butter knife. It destroys the knife AND the screw. If you use your marriage or your spouse in ways that were never meant for the marriage covenant, it's abuse. You will get hurt, your spouse will get hurt, and your marriage will suffer.
3. There is NO situation so big that God is not bigger still. It does not matter how great the sin performed by you or upon you, God's grace is still able to reach that sensitive area and cover it so that it will be healed and made whole. You have heard us say that God is bigger than divorce; He is also bigger than any kind of abuse. If you believe otherwise you are saying (even if you haven't vocalized it) that there is something or someone bigger than the Almighty.
4. Abuse is not an acceptable reason for divorce. In God's Word, He gave us only ONE reason for divorce....infidelity. And that ONE exception was only given because we continued to press Him for the a way out, not because that was His Divine Plan. And now, we are reaping the consequences of our stubbornness and arrogance that we, somehow, know a better way than the Everlasting God.
5. Recovery and restoration from abuse should not be dealt with alone. It should be handled by a skilled and qualified counselor. And by skilled and qualified we do not necessarily mean someone with lots of letters after their name (PhD, D.Theo, M.D., etc) By skilled and qualified we mean someone that speaks to God and hears the voice of the Holy Spirit, has the confidence and courage to do what the Holy Spirit says (even if it sounds absurd and crazy), has the boldness and fearlessness to not back down from evil, the gentleness to guide you on the path to complete recovery in Christ but with the tenacity to be in your face when you need it. This is not to say that those with degrees and training in abuse counseling cannot be of help; they can. However, if you are reading this you and are in an abusive situation, you want to stand for your marriage. Many people in the world will not share your same belief about this. That is why we suggest you find that person or people that can play that crucial role of counselor for you. This may be your pastor, your pastor's wife, close friend, or some other spiritual mentor.
6. In certain cases, temporary separation is an advisable option. Mind you, we said IN CERTAIN CASES, not ALL. Anytime a separation from a spouse is put in place the chances for divorce become so much greater. This is a time where the advice of a skilled and qualified counselor would be of great help.
7. There is ABSOLUTELY a healing and wholeness available to you through the work of Christ on the cross. There is no sickness, no wound, no disease...there is nothing that the blood shed by Jesus cannot cover and make new. Nothing we do and nothing done to us that He is able to heal. This is why Jesus came to us....to heal us and make us whole...body, soul and spirit.
This is just an overview of what we believe. We will be getting into some of the uglier parts of this unfortunate disease in the next few days. We love you all and are praying for you. Our prayer is that this will inspire and empower someone to make the difficult choice of listening to the Holy Spirit and stand for their marriage, regardless of what is happening around them and being done to them.
Josh and Serena
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