24

"You should tell your spouse that you love them 24 times a day...AT LEAST!!"  This is the advice were given recently from an older couple in our church.  They were speaking to a group of us, (young and married) about marriage and how to keep it alive and fresh.  They were not talking about HOW we show our spouses that we love them; they meant actually SAYING the words!

Sometimes advice like that goes in one ear and out the other.  Surely, there must be a more complex and intimate way to keep your marriage fresh and healthy.  But, of all the things that they shared that night, that one phrase stuck out in our minds.

After that night, we began to think about it and count how many times we said it.  Most of the time, we would be fortunate if we made it to 12.  How could we ever hit 24?!?!?!  We say those words when Josh leaves for work and when we talk on the phone during the day before we hang up.  We always say it when one of us is going out without the other, whether to run errands or visit with close friends.   We say it when we feel like it needs to be said.  But, c'mon, 24 times a day!?!?!?!?  It seems like overkill.

This couple said that they say, "I love you" at the usual times but also at the unusual times.  Like when they have to get up and use the bathroom in the middle of the night.  Or after breakfast.  Or just because.  You know...for no good reason than to just say it.

This advice would fall on deaf ears if their marriage was rocky, at best.  However, their marriage is rock solid!!  They shared about how great their marriage is and it shows not in their words but in their life.  When we see them around church, they are always together and look as if they enjoy each other's company more than any one else's.  They never seem to be put off by what the other is doing.  They love each other...and they make sure the other knows it.

Practically, just think about what would happen if we actually did this with our spouses.  What marital ills would this stop?  What temptations would this allow us to circumvent?  What trouble could we avoid if we were ALWAYS telling our spouses that we love them?  Well, if we were always telling our spouses this, we would drastically reduce our ability to develop feelings for another.  We would either have it told to us to remind us or our own words would cause us to think twice about our actions.  If we were always telling our spouses that we love them, we would not use the tone (sarcasm, domineering, talking down, or somthing similar) that we do.  If we told our spouses this all time....if this was our default mode to remind them that we love them...then the times when we may speak wrong words and be the cause of hurt feelings would be short lived.  If we told our spouses that we loved them more often, the devil would have less room to speak lies to our spouses that we don't.

So, we have been endeavoring to do this.  Mind you, we don't do a good job of it but we try.  Most days we still fall short but it gives us something to shoot for.  And practicing this discipline is the best way to get better at it.

Why don't you give it a try and see what happens?  Maybe nothing...but maybe, just maybe.....it might change everything!  You'll never know unitl you try.  Don't stop if they don't reciprocate; just keep speaking it.  Maybe you don't even believe it.  If you don't but do it anyways, you will be speaking words of faith.  Sooner or later the words that you speak will bring that reality to pass.  So you can either speak death or words of life.  It's up to you.  As for us...we'll keep shooting for 24 times...AT LEAST!!!

Josh and Serena