Marriages in crisis do NOT need two people to fix. Yeah, we know that is NOT what you have been told. It is possible to be done with only ONE spouse willing to work on the marriage. Eventually, with God's help, we believe that you will eventually be on the same page. BUT that doesn't mean after one month of putting things into practice all of your new-found information will fix everything and you will both be back in the honeymoon stage.
Your spouse does NOT need you pointing out what they should be doing to make things better. They do NOT need to read this blog in order to help them. If you are reading this blog, then it's meant for YOU! Praying with your spouse, fasting with your spouse, devotions with your spouse, love and respect of your spouse, needs of your spouse....those are ALL good, but the things you learn are meant for YOU.
I (Serena) have read countless marriage books; honestly, I thought if I could get Josh to read even ONE book--MAYBE we would be on the same page!?!?! Do you not realize that this is SUCH a lie--in order to cause more tension? Josh has still yet to read even a fraction of the books I have read, but he is an amazing husband!!! How can that be? If we haven't stressed it enough....let's say it again. GOD is the ultimate teacher--not YOU!
We can always learn new things from things we read, but maybe those things were meant for ONLY you. We all learn at different speeds and in different ways. It's not in your job description to make sure your spouse knows all of the things YOU know. If there is something lacking, take it to God. Cry out and ask HIM to reveal what need to be revealed. Allow Him to work on your heart and see if it's your own selfishness or could it be that your spouse DOES need to learn something. God has continued to amaze us in how HE can be the ultimate teacher. And, no, that doesn't mean you should insist that your spouse read their Bible every day in order to hear God's voice on what YOU have been praying about.
Being out in the world Josh was NOT reading his Bible at all....so, HOW did God speak?!?! We assume we have it all figured out, but we have no idea how BIG our God is. What is He capable of using? Do you want to limit His resources to using only you? Oh, yes, he can USE you, but is that His best? Countless times in the last few years we have seen God use other people and things to put us on the right course. It really works so much better than us putting our HUMAN limits on a BIG God.
We have placed so many limits on God that His Spirit has no room to even move. In reality, God's Spirit could depart from our midst and we wouldn't notice any difference. With today's resources through books, music, tapes, computers, we can really do an impressive job without God's help. "Do it MY way" ....that's the motto. It's very easy for highly motivated, gifted, and successful leaders to run ahead of God.
Don't misunderstand us, we are not against any of the ways God will use.....we DO have a blog, afterall. But without God's blessing we labor in vain. Our pastor even pointed out a few weeks ago how we can have everything in perfect place and appear to look right, but God is not really invited to make His presence known. We have been in small groups where there was no technology and no music but where there was an overwhelming sense of God's presence. It's not about what WE think is right, but have we truly asked God to speak to us--and invite HIM to do the work of changing hearts?
When Balaam was about to use his God-given gift and calling for the wrong reason with the wrong motive, God had to use a donkey to stop him dead in his tracks. Read the story in Numbers 22. It's fascinating. Imagine the shock when Balaam's donkey spoke to him. In today's world we think it needs to be some book, blog, or TV program that will catch our spouse's attention--or maybe they will listen to our nagging SOON ENOUGH. Do you want that? Or do you want to shut your mouth and let the DONKEY do the talking? Which do you think will make the BIGGER impact? Do you want to be known as Balaam's donkey or would it be easier to let GOD decide?
God may have to use a few "donkeys" today to get his people to hear and see what is happening. BUT maybe we should let God decide who He is going to use, and we will stick to praying that God do it....however HE wants. If God's is going to use US as "donkeys" we want to make sure that is EXACTLY what He wanted. Balaam's donkey was probably never an "ordinary" donkey after that encounter.
Josh and Serena
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