This was the type of thinking that helped me along on the path to departing from my faith and my God. I reasoned in my broken mind that because I was living this "Christian" life I was somehow missing out on the plethora of opportunities that were to be had in the world. From my viewpoint, on the right side of the fence, that everything beyond what I could see must be far more fun than where I was currently. I thought that the old adage, "The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence." must have been a lie. From where I stood everything looked better than the life I had.
This type of thinking finds it hold us from the influence of popular culture. In our TV shows and in our movies, the lifestyle of party hard and live your life with no thought to the consequences is ingrained in us. We laugh at the guy that is so drunk that he has no idea what he is doing or is being done to him. We procure our entertainment from watching people maneuver through the ups and downs of a debauched life. We find our humor in watching men cheat on their wives and the lies they tell to continue in their lifestyle. It is so sad.
And that was the life I wanted to live. I wanted to be the party guy, the drunk guy, the sleeping around guy, the guy that everyone wanted to know. I thought that guy was better than the guy that blessed his kids and tucked them in each night. I thought that the cheating guy was better and more fun than the guy that was faithful to his wife and always would stand strong for her. I wanted to be the the fun guy; the guy I was was a stick in the mud. In reality, if I had stood my ground for the being the man that I was and committing to it, would have been the envy of all the TV shows and movies. Men that are strong in soul and spirit are to be admired much more than men that are only in it for the fun.
The allure of the world that I was not in, called to me...not to more fun but to the pig pen. And I responded by running full-force, headlong into it...with no thought to the damage I would cause. However, that was not who I was. I was a family man...I was a Godly man. I was not the party animal; I was the steadfast rock for my family. No matter what I did or where I went I would not be able to shake that feeling. I may have been able to make it fade a bit but never made it go away. I tried extremely hard to make it disappear. I had to make my heart colder and harder in order to continue doing what I was doing. Even if I couldn't see it with natural eyes from the pig pen, the view that remained in my mind was one of my home and my family.
My problem was that I was not on the right side of the fence....or the wrong side. I was walking the top rail. And walking the middle does not give you a proper perspective. I saw myself as boring because I wasn't committed to God. You can have a lot more fun in Christ when you aren't looking out for what you are missing. Now that I am wholly committed to God and my family, I have a lot more fun and enjoy life to the fullest.
What am I missing out on, now? Nothing at all! I have the best life that could be imagined by God. I never want to see the world from the pig pen ever again.
Pray that your spouse that is far from you and God would have moments of visual clarity, in their mind or with natural eyes, to see where they are and where they should be. God can do amazing things when a standing spouse begins to pray for their other half!
Josh
Rembrandt's The Prodigal in the Tavern
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