Boundaries are important for each of us but even more so for those of us that are standing for our marriage. Meaning that if you are currently not physically with your spouse you need to keep that guard up! If you let it down, you may begin by standing for your marriage but will wind up falling for someone else. You will reason that this MUST be who God has for you since they are so great. In reality, you will have jumped your own fences. If you are believing and standing for your complete marital restoration, DO NOT let someone in that will compromise and jeopardize God's work in you and your marriage.
A problem that we see becoming more and more the norm for some people is the idea of NOT wearing wedding rings. We have heard all of the excuses. "I don't want to ruin the ring." "It doesn't fit well." "I could lose my finger doing the work I do if I had it on." "It gets in the way." Yea, it sounds good and your point why might be totally valid. However, you start the habit of not wearing a ring and then it is not a big deal when you should be! As I (Josh) progressed down my debauched road, I began to not wear my ring the moment I walked out the door. It was my way of distancing myself from my marriage in order to allow me more freedom to live corruptly. Now, it does NOT leave my finger...EVER!! It does not matter what I am doing I will ALWAYS be associated with my spouse. That ring you are supposed to be wearing symbolizes an unending, undying love for your spouse. Usually made of a precious metal, it is designed to withstand the abuse and torture that live throws at it...much like your commitment to each other should be.
Having said all of that, you who are standing for your spouse should be wearing your ring. Even if they are not, you should be. If nothing else it will remind you that you are still married and should conduct yourself as such Your spouse needs to know that you are still married, that you have not given up, that you are prepared and ready for their eventual return.
That ring (for standers going through it with a prodigal and those that are happily married and all of you somewhere in between) is a boundary that travels with you. When you wear your ring it tells all those that come in contact with that you and your heart belong to someone else. You don't have to speak any words and you can boldly declare that "I am off limits."
And, by the way, belonging to someone is not a bad thing. It is a comforting and reassuring place to live in knowing that you do not belong to yourself. When you are remaining married, you know that you are not your own; you belong to your spouse. Therefore, all of your affections, all of your time, all of your energies belong to that spouse. You may find it hard to let go at first but it becomes easier when you realize and understand that God is watching out over both of you.
Speaking of being prepared and ready for their return brings up a good point. You need to maintain a readiness in your home and in your life for their return. You say that you are standing for your prodigal spouse to return but have removed all evidence of their existence from your home and life. The ring is gone, the pictures are down, and their clothes relegated to a box in the back bedroom. What if they walked in, right this moment, and said that they wanted to work on restoration? Would your home and life welcome them back? Would you have to make room for them?
When I (Josh) was gone, Serena had begun to remove my things from the home and walls. She took the pictures off the walls and put away my things. But, when she began to stand, she learned that if I was to come home I would feel out of place. Where were all of my things? I can only imagine the heartache seeing the pictures and reliving those memories did to her but she knew momentary pain would be worth the cost if when I came home I was welcomed back with open arms.
So, fix the excuse why you don't wear your ring (get it sized, deal with the hassle of putting it on after dishes or after the dangerous work is done, etc.) and put it back on! Pull out the pictures from the closet and rehang them. Get their things and put their stuff back in its rightful place. Prepare your house and life and be ready for God's hand to move. It may just happen when you least expect it.
Josh and Serena
No comments:
Post a Comment