View From the Pig Pen

This time of year is kind of hard for me.  This is the time of year that many of my problems took shape.  It's fair time around the country.  You know...4H, FFA, home-baked goods up for 1st prize, cinnamon rolls, and funnel cakes.  I hate this time of year.

Now, I have nothing against fairs in and of themselves.  It can be a very fun time for the family.  Looking at all the accomplishments of the kids that raised their livestock is a blast for the children.  Getting to snack on giant turkey legs that put your stomach in knots is always a good time.  Free concerts in the summertime is hard to beat.  Fairs are a good time...unless you spent the previous 8 years using that time to pursue your carnal desires.

I worked at the local fair for about 8 years as a security guard.  We were there to make sure that a good time was had by all and remove those that would make others fair experience a bad time.  Most people that worked the fair did it to earn a few extra bucks and that was the excuse I used.  But, in all honesty, I used it to hit on other women.

My view from the pig pen consisted of taking in all of the eye candy (actually, eye heroin) that showed up at the fair each night.  I used the fair to let my second life come to the surface more and let it run wild.  I was not seen by my wife and kids for most of the 10 days that it was in town.  I had no accountability for my time or whereabouts.

So, this time of year is difficult for me to see the fair coming to town.  I wish I could have those memories of time at the fair redeemed so that I could experience it with my family without remembering the hurt that I eventually caused by my lies.

As you stand for your marriage and your prodigal spouse, keep this in mind...when your spouse does come home there may be some things that they did while they were gone that may be long term reminders about where they were at one time.  This does not mean that they are still acting wrong; it simply means that they have sensitive areas that are still healing.  When your spouse's heart has been softened and humbled by God they will have areas that are particularly sensitive to memories.  You need to be cautious not to push them too hard in those areas.  Pushing them hard will not drive them away but it will simply remind them of the pain they caused.  You don't have to remind them of what happened; they remember all too well.

On the other hand, I will not be held hostage to my past or to bad memories.  If I want to have the fair time redeemed, I must begin to make new memories with my family.  Serena understands both sides of this so it makes it a bit easier.  She knows how hard it is for me to think about those times.  So, she doesn't push me too go if I seem to be a bit bothered by it.  But, she still asks because she also knows that we need new memories.  I am sure we will be going to our local fair sometime in the next week.

Josh