So, Serena and I were a little overwhelmed by the response to yesterday's post. We are so completely humbled right now. We spent quite a bit of time last night talking about the things that happened, comments that were shared, emails we received, and links on Facebook.
Serena was asked for the recipe for those pancakes. We will be sharing the recipe for those "pancakes" in another day or so. But, we decided that in today's post we needed to share some VERY difficult truths about people, about us, and about what it will take for you to stand for your marriage. You may not like what we have to say but it is said with absolute love for you. We do not want you to be discouraged by what the situation currently looks like or will look like tomorrow.
So, grab a seat, maybe a cup of coffee or tea, and I am pretty sure a box of tissues...
To start, we believe that NO marriage is too far gone! But this belief does not come from our own puny wisdom that we have learned through trial and error. We believe that every marriage is capable of restoration because we believe in and have faith in a God that is bigger! He is bigger than any circumstance or situation thrown at Him by man. He is bigger than any stubborn habits that we possess. He is bigger than the hardness of our hearts. If you cannot grasp, through faith, the enormity of the God that we serve....what hope do you have? If you think that the solution to your marital problems can be found in you, good luck. If you believe that God is bigger than the problem and that He is the solution...well, you have just completely changed the rules of engagement. I mean, you will have just enlisted the help of the God of impossibilities!
With all that being said, you have to understand that if you embark on a journey to save your marriage you must count the cost. Luke 14:28-30 speaks of a man that endeavors to build a tower, didn't count the cost to finish it, and after having laid the foundation abandons the project. As a result, everyone that looks at the half-finished tower mocks him for his ignorance. If you desire to make your marriage the best that it can be and you believe God to be bigger than what you are facing, be prepared for what is about to happen! Here is the cost factor that you must be aware of: Satan and all of his demons do not want to see someone standing in the gap for their spouse. It reminds him of Jesus standing in the gap for all of humanity. When you set your face (it should be like flint!) to bring restoration to your marriage, all the forces of hell will come against you to stop you in your tracks. But, if you have already believed that God is bigger, does it matter what comes against you?
Romans 8:31b "If God be for us, who can be against us?"
What is about to be said and shared will be very hard to read and not be taken as an offense. Please, remember, this is said out of complete love.
If you look at any part of our culture, you can see the waves of fads that come and go. A few years ago the world was introduced to 'WWJD' with little to no change to people's lives. I'm sure if you were to look back in pictures you would absolutely mortified by the clothes you CHOSE to wear 10, 15, 20 years ago. We can really see fads in the area of dieting. (This is not going to turn into a weight loss session!) In the world of dieting, we have The Hollywood diet, Atkins, HCG, Slimfast, Weight Watchers, Total Body Makeover, Jenny Craig, Biggest Loser....the list goes on and on and on. All of these have had their 15 minutes of fame. They come and go but most of them fail to change the real problem- you must have the desire to find and change your reasons for being fat and then, and only then, will you find the ability to make the changes that will change your life. Standing for your marriage CANNOT be a fad diet! You cannot one day wake up and say, "I am going to stand for my marital restoration!" Reason why? Because tomorrow will come and your spouse will do something stupid and you will say, "This is sooooooo not worth it! I'm done!" Standing for your marriage is you going all in with God and holding fast until the storm ends! We guarantee that before your marriage begins to glorify God it will get as ugly as hell! The only way that you can lose your marriage is if you stop standing!
Now, here is the rest of the "Milk and Pancakes" story. This is ugly and I (Josh) am very ashamed.
The day after Serena served me and showed Jesus' love to me, I turned on her like a rabid dog. I was used by the devil to tear her down. You see, I didn't recognize the love of Jesus through Serena until after I had returned from my prodigal lifestyle. I was trying to push her and God as far from me as possible. And since I couldn't push God; I pushed Serena. I told her things the day after for no other purpose than to let her know that I was done with her. The very day after her kindness was the first day that I asked her for the information about our legal insurance that we carried to see if they could help with divorce papers. That day was also the day that I made it known that I was deeper into pornography because I asked Serena for the security codes to unlock my computer. I now recognize that I had to push harder against the love shown to me in order for me to continue on the path I was choosing.
Everything that we talked about today are things that you must account for. You will not hear us tell you how to stand for your marriage because every marriage is different and God is not one to be locked down into a set of rules for restoration. But, you will hear us tell you the condition of your heart and your attitude in order to best facilitate a restored marriage.
Just so you know, this was very hard for us to write. On one hand, we want to encourage you to fight for your marriage with all that you have. On the other, we need for you to know that this will be no walk in the park. This will be the fight of your life but will be absolutely worth it! You are worth it! Your spouse is worth it!! Your marriage is worth it!!!
With a prayerful heart,
Josh and Serena
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