Our position is a complicated one. We hope that we can properly convey it in this post. Mind you, this is OUR position based upon what we have seen, experienced, and learned through the Word of God.
To begin, we would have to address the concept of divorce. What we believe about divorce is based upon what we believe about God. We have said it before...God is bigger! Bigger than any sin, fault, or short-coming we may have, you may have, or that your spouse may have. He is able to do AWESOME things with a person and for a person that is fully submitted to Him and His will...no matter where it may take them. And because we believe that, we believe that no marital situation is beyond His ability to reconcile and restore. Therefore, we believe that there is NO reason for divorce. For us, divorce is a very black-and-white issue. God is bigger, therefore, divorce is not a grey area
We do understand that the Bible does allow for divorce. However, the only reason for divorce, that the Bible gives, is for infidelity. It does not allow for "We grew apart" or "Irreconcilable differences". This may sound harsh but it does not even allow for divorce in the case of abuse! And the divorce that is legal, in the eyes of God, was only given because of the hardness of OUR heart, not because God was not big enough to do His work of restoration! The final stipulation that God put on those that did end up with divorce was that they should not marry again! That is the subject of a different post altogether.
Knowing how we believe about divorce, let us address the issue of separation. This is where things can get tricky. Changing your status from married to separated is beginning to walk on some very dangerous ground. On one hand, we could argue that sometimes it is necessary; on the other, you are beginning to practice living as divorced people. Who gets the responsibility of raising the kids? What bills are paid by whom? Who leaves and has to find a new residence and who stays in the home that you built together? So many questions, so many unique situations.
If your reason for becoming separated is to give each other some space, it is the wrong reason. It's practicing divorce. However, if it is a time where one spouse is living a life that compromises the safety of the family unit, we could see some benefits to a moderated and accountable arrangement. Whether it is abuse or promiscuity, there could be an argument made for separation. In our opinion, if you are proceeding with a separation arrangement with the intent of coming together again at a later date, you need to be held to the standards of married life by a someone willing to call you on the carpet for your actions. You need to find someone that will watch you closely and help you to insure that you are not preparing for divorce but rather standing for your marriage.
Another aspect that was asked of us was how kids are affected by this whole process. What should you do when kids are involved? We definitely do not think that you should endanger you children if a spouse is abusive; neither do we think that you should divorce your spouse because they are that way. Ask God to reveal a solution to the issue at hand (your kids protection and your marital restoration) so that He would be glorified. He is so creative in the way He works; you cannot find nor create a situation that He cannot handle.
There is no set rulebook for marital restoration. There is no program that can guarantee success. It is too difficult to explain every imaginable scenario where a separation would be the way to go. For inevitably, the enemy of our souls will find a way to make that situation come to pass. As a rule, we would not advise you to pursue separation because it becomes ground that is unstable. Rather we would counsel you to seek the face of God to find out what He would have you to do. He is far more wise than we are and His ways are WAY higher than ours. God's way--COMPLETELY--is the only way that we know, that will insure your marriage to glorify Him.
Hopefully, we answered some of your questions in regards to separation and divorce. We know we can be extreme in our views but Christianity is not a religion of mediocrity or passivity. It is one that is all or nothing and is filled with extreme displays of affection for His beloved. Being believers, that kind of commitment must be evident in our beliefs about marriage.
I love my wife! I love my husband!
Josh and Serena
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