You Did What?

Criticism in standing for the covenant of marriage can come in so many different forms. I am going to list a few only so that you realize--we get that it's not an easy road. We get that you might feel alone.....but we also wish we could encourage you to understand that those people NOT standing also feel some of those same things.  Satan wants to make sure you feel so alone....alone, so that you give up. 

Soon after deciding that I would NOT--NOT EVER---file for divorce I had a Christian lady tell me that I was stupid. She actually told me that I was a door mat, and I should think better of myself and not allow Josh to treat me so badly.  The saddest part--her husband had cheated on her, and she didn't even know it.  He has never told her, probably out of fear that she would leave him.  I was not very close to her in the first place, but her husband felt a passion to try and talk some sense into Josh.  Once Josh came home he had told me a few of the things that this man had told him--how it wasn't worth it, etc.  AND, no, it had no impact on him at the moment.  BUT my point is...people will not always support you, and they will think you are stupid, even a door mat, or someone with low self-esteem.  AND may I say, it takes GREAT courage to stand for your marriage.  Those feelings of worthlessness....they will come no matter what, so let us stand for truth, and we can stand before God with our heads held high. It's not about those people who don't agree; our self-esteem must be grounded in knowing that you are pleasing t. he Father. 

Pray God gives you those people that WILL support you; God will bring them.  My family was amazing, and I also had online support.

Once Josh came home, believe it or not....THAT was actually the REAL test. Since I did a "decent" job keeping things private about Josh's lies, behavior, and lifestyle most people didn't SEE him for how he really acted.  It wasn't until he got home that people did NOT understand why I was still with him, especially since some of his attitudes didn't change.  People were upset that he didn't go and repent to all of those people he had hurt.  Upset that the apologies they received didn't seem genuine. I had already gone through some of the toughest stuff--battling for him to be at home--I wasn't giving up now. I lost friends if I shared anything negative about Josh's behavior AFTER he was home.  To me, it was NOTHING compared to how he had been.  BUT apparently people assumed he should return home perfect, humble, repentant, and MISTAKE free.  Josh being home was a much harder road, so I want to make sure that people understand...if your spouse is HOME I "get" how it can be a living hell. Your dreams of a PERFECT spouse my be a LONG road. 

Josh was willing, after some mistakes, to allow me to point out things he may not have been aware of....this is a process.  Pray for God to soften your spouse's heart to allow you to be their eyes when they are not seeing the danger signs.  I had to sacrifice friendships to be the "mean" wife---all for my marriage.  It's hard, Friends!!  My heart hurts when I have to draw the line and say, "You can't call or text or chat with my husband!"  BUT the payoff is MUCH greater.

We have been attacked in regards to the size of our family, that we should NOT bring more children into the world because of past sins?!?  Honest, we don't deserve to have any of our children; they are each an amazing blessing.  Why should I think so highly of myself to tell God....what you want to bless us with....we can't have anymore, because so-and-so doesn't feel we deserve to raise another child?   We don't deserve any of God's blessings, and we are trying to not live in a place where we say, "NO" to God.  We have consequences for past sins, yes, but when God blesses us we are not going to live in guilt over those blessings!

Allowing people into such a horrible season in our lives has opened us up to a lot of attacks from Godly, Christian people.  It might shock you how many of our attacks are NOT from those in the world.  The world seems to understand mistakes, failures, and forgiveness a lot better than the Christian community. 

I grew up hearing, "Don't shoot the wounded, because some day YOU might be one!"  I hear it EVERY time I see someone do something that I know is wrong, as a reminder to check that I am not SHOOTING them, or that I am not treating them with a love that I would want if I were them.  We are NEVER above making a mistake, and I am not one to say that I could never fail.  Being treated with TRUE forgiveness and TRUE love is what I would need.  Often we do NOT realize what the other person is dealing with; we automatically assume they must feel great because they are just breezing through life with no consequences.  Wrong!  They are dealing with a lot more than they would care to admit--and their bill WILL eventually be tallied.  AND it's big enough without you adding in extra fees.