Love...is not easily angered.
OK...that's enough for today.
Anger is a very delicate subject. I do believe that we are allowed to be angry (Jesus was angry when He drove out the vendors from the temple) but when and where we become angry tends to become precarious. We often get so worked up over the smallest things. And, that is where this ingredient comes into clear focus.
In the original language this actually means- to scorn, despise, provoke, or exasperate. One translation (New Living) reads, "It is not irritable." Another (The Message) says, "It does not fly off the handle." Let's take our lumps!!
I'm a tiny bit fearful of asking this but...how often are you at this point with your spouse? Exasperated by their actions or lack thereof? Scornful of who they are? Despising them for their faults? Do you speak your mind and remind them of what a failure they are in that one area? Is it a constant source of irritation for you? Maybe the problem isn't with them and what they do but is with you and your reaction to the circumstance?
Sadly, I have more to work on this in regards to my children than I do with my husband. BUT I have noticed that when I get angry it has stemmed from things between him and I, and I just take it out on them. Does Josh feel like he has to walk on eggshells? I bet there are many days he does. Makes me sad to be honest, as overall, I think I am pretty agreeable to abide with. BUT to decide that we don't have any areas to improve and that we are innocent...well, that IS a problem. INNOCENT? There was only ONE such man. Does your husband fail to communicate? Maybe he is afraid to speak! Several times Josh has told me that he could not express his feelings because there were consequences from me for whatever he said--I have heard this more times than I care to admit. It still makes me cry, as I do NOT want to be this person.
For me (Josh) I am often irritable when I have to do the same task or answer the same question more than once. I tend to let my disapproval be known through my tone and sharp, biting answers. I like to think I am a pretty easy going guy but often find my volume increasing as circumstances do not meet my approval. Yes, I should be more gracious and patient but that would mean work and effort on my part. In my flawed reasoning I think it easier for Serena to change her behavior than for me to change my attitude.
The deeper we progress in making these "pancakes" and adding more love to our diets, the more we find how interconnected each of these ingredients are. Becoming not easily angered is quickly linked to our patience, the kindness we show, and our self-sacrifice rather than our self-seeking.
We wish that there was a list of 5 things that we could give you to become not easily angered. But, we don't believe that there are any quick fixes to marriage restoration. There are no lists that make the road more smooth. It took a lack of work from BOTH of you to make your marriage what it is right now. But, it only takes one person to stand and put an end to the crazy cycle. Are you that one?
Hold on...we do have a list. It is only 2 items long but it will work to restore your marriage. Here it is...
1. Begin to love according to Scripture! Not according to Josh and Serena, according to the Bible! We happily admit that we don't know all the answers. We are working daily on this marriage thing just like you. But, we know who does have all the answers. Not only does He have them, He is the answer! Which leads us to the 2nd point...
2. Listen to God! Not Josh and Serena because Josh and Serena are only humans and still make plenty of mistakes. He is the answer. Listen to His voice! He might tell you to do some crazy things but if you listen and obey those crazy things will work to make your marriage glorify Him. A word of caution---what God speaks to you will NEVER go against what His written word has already established. God's will and way ALWAYS leads to restoration, never destruction. Divorce doesn't glorify God; it goes against His nature. If divorce was God's intended plan, He would have divorced the human race a long time ago. He never would have sent His only Son to die for a people that He would eventually divorce.
OUCH!!! This love stuff kind of hurts...
Josh and Serena
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