The recipe for pancakes goes something like this...Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Do we really understand what love is? Not what love feels like but what love is. Love is not a feeling in your stomach when you get around a certain person. Love is not that fickle. Love is not what is bestowed upon you by another because of what you have done. Love is not selfish like that. Love is not only what God does but is who He is. (1 John 4:7,8) Love is the inherent nature of God.
As humans, we have defined love as a series of feelings that make us feel good. We only know the superficial effects of love. However, the love of God goes beyond human comprehension. The love of God is the only thing that will heal and restore your marriage.
Ask yourself this: do I really put into practice what love is? What about when you are faced with actually having to LOVE the unlovable? I mean, really, to say the Bible doesn't tell us WHO to love would be ignoring some of the hardest advice you can be given, especially to a hurt and wounded spouse. The Bible says to LOVE YOUR ENEMY. Yeah, I know...that hurts!! BUT here is the core of our issues...did we really love our spouses BEFORE problems started or did we just have feelings of love for them? There really is a difference!! I still have to work on loving Josh--marriage is work. Relationships are work; you don't just have good relationships by doing nothing.
Ultimately, love is a choice. Love is to sacrifice my own wants, needs, desires and feelings for the wants, needs, desires and feelings of the one I love. The key is to be able to do this without pity and anger. No one makes you do these things! You make the choice and you do them out of love. Love is sacrifice without self pity and anger.
Love will make us do crazy things. Things that appear to be foolish and illogical to the outside spectator. But, only those that are involved in that love relationship can understand the 'whys.' We see this illustrated in the days that we were beginning to learn about our spouses before we were married.
When Serena and I were courting, we lived about 450 miles apart. Most of our communication at the beginning was through snail mail and email. Only occasionally did we talk on the phone. But, as we grew to know the other emails would quite satisfy the need we were developing for the other. The phone calls increased in tone and length of time. It was reflected in our phone bills! After we were engaged and we saw marriage quickly coming on the horizon, phone calls didn't satisfy the need either. We had to see each other. I began to make frequent trips to visit her. One time stands out amongst the others.
I was working for a landscape company and had worked a full day on Friday. I had decided that day that I wanted to see her that weekend. I also had to lead worship at church on Sunday. It sounds kind of stupid to make a 450 mile, 8 hours drive to visit someone only to have to do it again hours later. My dad told me so in no uncertain terms. But, that is what love makes us do. And I was not about to be dissuaded! So, I made the journey arriving early on Saturday. Serena and I had a great day visiting. Sometime around midnight on Saturday I had to leave to go home. Well, because of the sleep deprivation that I was putting myself through for the sake of love, let's just say that the drive home was a lot longer than the one it took me to go. I rushed into the house with only minutes to spare to get ready and be back at church. But, I loved that girl. The few hours that we were able to spend together were worth it!
This is only a tiny glimpse of what love will make us do. Look at what love made Jesus do...He died for us. We all know that He could have taken Himself off that cross anytime He felt like it. His sacrifice was made out of unselfish love for us. He was not angry because He knew He had to do it. He did it because He loved us even though He knew that we would continue to fail Him and hurt Him.
Christ knew that we would never be able to return that same level of commitment and love to Him. And, still, He took the punishment for us. This is the way that we are to love our spouse. If we are honest with ourselves, and ask the hard questions, most of us can say that we have failed in this area. To love without the same level of commitment??? Isn't that exactly OPPOSITE of the world's view of marriage? And, sad to say, this is also the church's view of marriage.
So, what will be your response? Will you tell God that you will commit forever to love Him? And what happens if you don't? Does He go away? No!! He is right there waiting for His lover to be ready to return--no matter how ugly they return. Hey, some of us do come back broken and repentant, some of us don't. God never divorces us--He is always there.
During the next few days we are going to write together and break down this verse with the ways we both fail in the areas of perfect love. It happens, and maybe our failures and successes will show YOU how to love better.
Josh and Serena
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