Recipe for Pancakes-Part 6

Building one step, one ingredient at a time....

Love is not...rude.

This should be self explanatory but sadly it is not.  Not really sure when or where we found it acceptable to be rude to our spouses but needless to say we all do it.  Whether or not it is a verbal expression of rudeness is not the question.  It is the attitude in which it is expressed.

Now, when we write this don't think that we are NEVER rude to each other.  We are working to weed this out of our life but it is still present with us.

I (Josh) am guilty of often having a snappy response to a question.  Most often it occurs when I have been asked the same question at numerous times.  This is not an excuse; I am just sharing where I see it creep up most often.  Repetitive questions from my wife are an indicator of an issue that needs more attention than I have been giving to it.  It does not matter how many times I am asked my response should be one of consideration and kindness.

I (Serena) do NOT have a problem with being rude.  I am kind and genteel ALL the time!  (Does sarcasm come across the maze of the Internet?  I hope so!  Josh)  No, seriously though...how many times do I tell Josh that he is selfish when it is I that is being selfish? I can be very demanding. I can sometimes put all of my needs above his. The saddest part is, he takes my words to heart. As wives we can bring our husbands down so quickly, often I am not sure we even realize how easy it is--until it's too late.  I have many times made my husband feel like a complete failure because I kept pointing out ONE area that bothered me. Our words are very powerful, and our ability to be rude can make our spouse feel like they have failed us.  Maybe you feel they have?  Granted Josh did fail me, in so many ways, BUT you can ALWAYS find positive--yes, I mean ALWAYS!!  You may have to dig REALLY hard, but it IS there.

This word "rude" in the original language is based on the root word meaning deformed or indecent.  It is very beneficial for us to go back to the what was originally meant by the Author when we read Scripture.  If we read this verse with these definitions in place we end up with a very different picture.

Love is not deformed.  It has not been misshapen at its core, maimed by adversity, or handicapped during its conception and growth.  Love is tough enough to take the blow dealt by its recipient and still maintain its proper stature.

Love is not indecent.  It will not expose the delicate parts of its partner.  It will not uncover a matter that would cause shame to fall on its recipient from the outside world.  It will not speak in a manner that would bring disgrace from those not relevant to the situation.

Something that I (Josh) learned about this aspect of love was taught to me by Serena.  I did not know it at the time but, during my whole episode where I chose to run from God and her, she did not speak ill of me to anyone and defended me.  This is not to say that she did not make plain what I was doing in sin but was careful who she spoke to about it and what she said.  Some things that I did or said to her she did not tell people because it would have too great for them to bear.  She kept all those things inside of her and gave them to her Father.  She did not defend my actions but she defended the man that she had pledged her love to and the man that I was even if i was not acting like it.  She always upheld me in the eyes of my children telling them to keep praying 'cause Daddy was coming home.  She cautioned my own parents to not react to harshly when they heard about my words or deeds.  Some people she even refused to talk to because they were not there as a support but to be a spectator to the fall of a child of God.  She did all this because she loved me and refused to let her love, which was the love of God being shown through her, become deformed or indecent.

So, readers, we encourage you to look into the mirror of the Word and see what the Father is calling "rude" in your words or actions.  We cannot judge what you have done or are doing.  We have not and will not set the standard of what rude is.  We struggle daily against our sin nature so that His love is able to be evident in our personal lives and in our marriage.

Keep standing!!