So, we received a question via private email in regards to our last few posts about becoming your spouse's biggest fan. The question was, "How do I pursue my spouse's interests when they want nothing to do with me?" Great question!! We will attempt to answer it to the best of our ability.
Lots of what we wrote was a little more geared toward those of us with marriages that could use a little nudge in the right direction or for those of us trying to breathe life into a situation that is struggling. When it comes to a situation where one spouse wants nothing to do with their partner it puts things in a different light and throws some twists into the mix.
From our heart, our best advice would be to keep doing the things that will keep you in touch with them. When your spouse is acting out and purposefully doing things to push you away and has told you, point-blank, that they want nothing to do with you, do you accept that or do you keep pursuing them? By pursuing the things that they enjoy you will be pursuing them.
For those that just need a nudge, becoming their fan will only help. For those that are standing for a marriage that is under severe attack, becoming their fan becomes a type of warfare. By continuing to pursue your spouse's pursuits, you are making public your investment in that person. You are saying, "You mean enough to me that I still want to be around the things that you enjoy and that make you happy." Pursuing their pursuits is an investment that you make regardless of if you see a speedy return.
This is probably not the answer you were wanting us to give you. We know that so much of what we write seems easier for us to write than it is to put into application. However, much of what we write does have some first-hand knowledge wrapped up in it. Can we share a story?
While I (Josh) was gone, Serena gave birth to our fourth child. Not my finest moment (to say the least) but this is when the story takes place. Anyways...after she came home from the hospital, I spent the days for the first week at Serena's house. I was attempting to be this great guy but sorely lacking. For me, there was not a whole lot to do during the day so I watched TV and movies. And from our previous posts you know that I like movies. With all that Serena could have made me do around there or told me what to watch or not to watch, she sat down and watched with me. She sat near me and we watched movies like nothing was wrong. Not saying that nothing was wrong (cause there was a WHOLE lot wrong) but she shelved those feelings of hurt I had put in her. One night as we were watching her head ended up on my lap. Let's just say that by her doing that made it VERY hard for me to leave that night. Her choice to do what I wanted to do even though it didn't help the situation was breaking through to my heart. We had a long ways to go after that night but that night was hard for the old me.
Don't let the enemy get you confused or discouraged by what you are doing. You may not even know the depths to which your kindness is hitting. Keep going...keep fighting!!
Josh and Serena
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