What does your spouse like to do? Do you even know? What inspires them? What motivates them? What relaxes them? What do they do in their spare time? What do they collect? If you don't know, you NEED to find out.
Encourage their hobbies, even if you aren’t fond of them. Unless they are undoubtedly ungodly, learn about them. Learn the lingo, study the material, become proficient at their sport; little else will inspire confidence and promote love more than knowing the things that they like. You will rock their world when you open your mouth and speak with accuracy about their likes.
Guys that like football really like it when their woman ALSO likes football. The wife doesn't actually have to like but she can play along and learn to be excited about it with them. Women like it when their husbands like to go to the little "girly" boutiques. They may not like to go but they can go with GOOD attitudes and smiles on their faces. (Josh) My sister does this. She has never been into organized sports. But, her husband loves...I mean, LOVES...USC football. It's a big deal to him. So, on game day, she dresses in burgundy and gold. She dresses their kids in the same. She roots for the their team and can even talk names about the players. She will sit with him the whole game and jump and cheer with him. That is pursuing your spouses pursuits.
Josh loves to watch movies, play video games, and take naps. He likes guns and tattoos. People are always saying things like “I can’t believe your wife let you have a tattoo.” and “How could you let him do that?” Let him? That’s not how it is supposed to work. He is my husband, not my child.
Do you tell your friends it would be great if they didn't like sports or video games or the outdoors because then YOU might be more of a priority? Start enjoying their joys and toys and you might just be pleasantly surprised. For one, you might actually like it. Mind blowing, I know! But, their response to your actions will cut through negative thoughts and cycles of disappointment.
We have heard married couples say that tension comes into their marriage because they can't just put aside petty differences and enjoy the pursuits of our spouse. Before you were married, if your boyfriend asked you to come to a sports game or a concert you would have gladly gone but during marriage it's not a big deal. Do you find yourself no longer doing anything together because you don't BOTH enjoy it? It wasn't this way before it doesn't have to be this way NOW!
The things that Serena mentioned about the things I like to do, she usually does them with me. Except for maybe the naps. We don't often nap at the same times. But, other than that she does ALL those things with me. Even if she doesn't care to do them, she does them with me. We play Wii together, watch movies together ( we rarely watch things without the other), and go to the tattoo shop together. She paid for my first tattoo; she bought me my shotgun! But, its not just Serena doing for me. I do for her as well. She likes to go shopping (we don't buy very much...just walk around for a couple hours), stopping for iced tea while running around town, and cooking. Some time ago, when she had entered a pie-baking contest, she did not win the prize she wanted (a Kitchen Aid mixer). I thought she was deserving so I went out and bought it for her. She still uses it frequently, to this day. It gives me great joy to see her enjoying things. I think even greater joy than me getting what I want.
What your spouse likes may not be appealing to you but it is to them. Whatever it is gives them great joy. So, whether it be collecting Star Wars figurines (or knights) or habitual scrapbooking, take an interest. Invest (monetarily or emotionally) in what they value. By doing so you will be investing in them. And that is always a
Josh and Serena
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