Time Out

When we talk about standing for our marriages many things come to mind.  Hard work, prayer, deep conversations, forgiveness, and repentance are just a few of the things that need to be addressed.  You won't ever hear us say that standing is a walk in the park.  But, maybe that is just what you need...

When I (Josh) came home, I knew the work that I had to do to reestablish the trust and integrity of my life and our marriage.  However, I was not quite ready to actually do it on day 1 after coming home.  Serena and I knew that we HAD to spend time together but the time for talking through things had not yet come.  So what did we do?

We bought a Wii!!  We played tennis for DAYS on end.  We laughed together, teased each other, and just had some fun together.  We knew that whatever we did it had to be something that made us laugh and enjoy each other's company.

When we laughed together we didn't feel the sting of the hurt and the ugly of the past.  The laughter cut through the hardness of Josh's heart.  The playful atmosphere created a safe haven for us to be together as friends relearning how to be lovers, not enemies trying to overcome differences.

Something else that we did a lot in those first few weeks was watching movies together.  Now, we know it might seem that we spend a lot of time in front of the TV.  But, watching movies together (wrapped up in each others arms and under blankets) was something we did from the time we got married.  Hanging out like that always was our thing.

So, what can you do to create a neutral place for you and your spouse to play and laugh?  Where can you go to make your spouse to feel safe again?  The atmosphere that you create will help to bring down the walls that so often get erected and isolate the both of you.

Here are some ideas...
Take a walk, go get some ice cream cones, find a free concert in the park (you don't even have to like the music....it's fun to make fun of things you both dislike), go exploring in the mountains, hit the beach, throw a frisbee, take a pottery class together (watch what you and your spouse create...that should be worth a good laugh), cook a meal together (gourmet is fun as a couple), play some Wii, go on a bike ride, fly a kite, plant a garden, write a song (we did), bowling, ice skating...

These may work for you, maybe not.  The point is to just do SOMETHING that breaks the ice.  Do something that reminds you of days gone by when you were head-over-heels for each other.  This might be a stretch after all the hurt and pain that has happened but try.  Enjoyable times will help to create new memories that you can rewrite over the ugliness of the past.

Josh and Serena