Intentional

A common danger that threatens ALL marriages, both the great and the failing, is when it comes to the pursuit of your spouse.  Non-pursuit will sneak in without you even becoming aware.  We will attempt to address this today and the next few.  Like we always say, we are not experts on marital matters; we just want to help when and where we can.

 

I'm reminded of the analogy of the newly married couple that drove a pickup truck as their only means of transportation.  When they first were married they sat in that old truck next to each other on that bench seat.  Often her head would end up on his shoulder as they drove.  As time progressed and as they grew older, they found space in between them.  He was on his side, she was on hers.  It wasn't an intentional shift but it happened just the same.

 

Finding space between you and your spouse has the potential to be a marriage killer.  It is what is heard in the process of divorces..."We grew apart."  And this is true.  Without purposefully learning more about your spouse, you WILL grow apart.  Not saying this is a valid reason for divorce, it is a reality in marriages.

One of the biggest things in the conversation of pursuing your spouse is the word, INTENTIONAL.  Pursuing your spouse is not something that will just happen.  It must be INTENTIONAL.  Intentional love is a marriage saver.  Intentional love has the potential to bring you back from the edge.

What does this mean to us in practical terms?  It means for us to do things that would draw things out of our spouses.  The questions we ask and the answers we receive will give us clues into things that made our spouses who they are.  Sometimes it might bring up painful things from their past that they have never shared for fear of rejection or it may bring up inspirational moments that drive them on to fulfill their passions.  You might hear stories that they have told for years and years.  You might be able to tell the story better than them!  But, listen...you might just hear something that you haven't heard before.  It might even open the door to another story of a moment that changed their life.  You never know what you may encounter.  Whatever it is, show interest.  Be compassionate if need be; proud and boasting if its worthy.  Become engaged in who they are not only in what they do.

This would also mean that when your spouse is talking....PAY ATTENTION!!  There is nothing like knowing you have the full attention of your spouse.  Don't check you email when they are talking.  You may be amazing at multitasking but don't do it when your spouse is desiring you and your attention.  By giving them your undivided attention, you will be showing how much you value and care fo

r them.  They might be boring you to death but don't let them know.  Your attention is a precious commodity; give it fully to your spouse.

Many times we can find ourselves being more considerate to strangers and acquaintances than our own spouses.  This should not be so.  We will look at this more in the next few days...or weeks...or months....

Josh and Serena