Today's little conversation on sex comes from you..."How important is good sex?" If you need today's post to be short....yes, good sex is important. If you stick around for a little longer, we'll share some of what we think about good sex and our measure of such.
Yes, good sex is important to a marriage. Your marriage should not be based on it but it is a crucial piece. You didn't marry your spouse because they were attractive to your eyes, they had other qualities that drew you to them. But, physical appearance did play a role in the relationship. Sex is no different. Sex should not the basis for a marriage but it plays its role.
Here is the problem with good sex versus bad sex; it is a concept that is based in the twisted imaginations of our culture. Think about it...did Adam and Eve ever have bad sex? I don't think so. They were participating in an activity that God designed for their pleasure. Differentiating between good and bad sex started when we (people in general) began to have different and numerous partners. We began to judge that Joe Bob was better in the sack than Billy Bob. (No offense if your name is Joe, Billy, or Bob or any combination of them) And Sally was a better lay than Sue. (Again...no offense intended) As a result, many of us that had never been with anyone other than our spouse hear these things and may wonder, "Am I missing out on something? Am I having good sex?"
Sex was never meant to be a competition about who was better than whom. Sex was never meant to be a physical salad bar where you get to pick the partners you like and don't like. This goes against what we hear from the world. We are told that we should experiment with different partners doing different things. We are asked the question, "How do you know that he/she will be good in bed?" The answer is...YOU WERE NEVER MEANT TO KNOW THAT!!! Knowledge of another's sexual prowess was never meant to be an indicator of whether they would be a good spouse.
If the only person that you knew sexually was your spouse you would have nothing else to compare it to. No other memories flooding in when you are with your spouse. You would not know the difference between good and bad sex. Sex would always be good. There would be no bad times.
When we were first married we used to ask each other all the time, "How was it?" The answer never came back, "Oh, not very good. You were off tonight." We would ask each other this because we, too, were caught up in the idea of that it was good sometimes and not so good other times. We have since learned differently. We don't have bad sex. We just don't. I mean...c'mon....it's sex!! Not that sometimes it is better than others. There are times when we spend more time doing what the other likes than we get for ourselves. But, many times the giving of pleasure is just as fun as getting. We wouldn't even know what bad sex felt like. We get to be intimate with each other the way God made for us to be and that is ALWAYS good!!
So, now the question could be raised, " How do we improve our sex life?" Answer...do whatever you want! According to the Word of God, (Hebrews 13:4) the marriage bed is undefiled. Within the confines of the marriage bed....anything goes! You and your spouse can do whatever in the marriage bed that makes the other feel pleasure without fear of guilt or shame. If one of you is uncomfortable about something, don't do it. But, feel free to play around. Sex within the marriage bed was made for you to have fun! So, have fun. It doesn't matter if you are inexperienced. You have your spouse to learn with. Learn what they enjoy and tell them what pleasures you. Being vocal about what you like and dislike will help tremendously.
Keep the questions coming...
Josh and Serena
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