My Place is Here

Here is something that I felt very impressed to share with you today.

I had a very interesting conversation with my mom today.  It wasn't the subject so much that grabbed my attention; it was what my mom told me about my grandmother that struck me.

Some back story first...my mom's parents are both in their 80's.  They have been married what would seem like forever to most of us.  They met through my grandmother's brother who was serving in the army with my grandfather.  They began writing to each other having never met face to face.  Long story short...they eventually got married and had 4 children.  My grandparents were never ones to be consumed with the need to have lots of "things"; they knew how to get by with what they had.  My grandpa worked as a janitor at a local school for many years.  They were always faithful in their tithes and giving from their meager resources.

During their marriage and life, my grandpa was diagnosed with some rather severe mental problems. In fact, the doctors brought my grandma divorce papers to sign while he was still in the hospital. They just assumed she would be filing. She refused.  It was never talked about much, but as a kid I remember hearing stories of issues that they had dealt with in the past.

After my grandpa retired from the school (about 20 years ago), he began to slowly degrade mentally and physically.  The chores and things that he did out of ritual slowly began to get pushed aside.  He had always been strong and able-bodied but began to become weak.  Every time that he became sick from a cold or something minor, it felt as though that "this might be the time."  A 6ft plus man in his prime has been reduced to a walker that barely gets him around.  A wheelchair is often easier to move him around.  Recently, he has taken a turn for the much worse.  He has become to much for my grandma to care for.  He was admitted to the VA Hospital near his home and has been accepted into a short-term care facility that specializes in patients with dementia.  It is sad to see him slowly become so helpless.

But, what struck me today was this...as time has progressed my grandpa has become more and more difficult to care for at his home.  When he sleeps he is very agitated, has night terrors, falls out of bed...basically, does not have very good nights.  Which also means that his wife, grandma, has very bad nights.  My mom said that she was becoming very haggard looking due to so little sleep.  (As a bit of more information, my parents and grandparents live together.  My grandparents moved in with my family a few years after grandpa retired.)  My mom suggested that grandma come and sleep in another room in the house so that she could get some sleep.

My grandma's response will stick with me forever, I think!

She said, "No...my place is here."

Her place was with her husband that, because of his failing mental capacities, is causing her to have poor nights.  Her place was to stay with this man, that she pledged her love to many years ago, not knowing that this would be the end.  Her place was to endure whatever this stage of her life brought to her.  Her place is with her husband in their bed...together to the end.  Her place was a place of sacrifice for the one she loved.  Her place was there even when it is not what she signed up for.

How cheap does your love feel right about now?  I feel ashamed that I would even question or doubt if I could endure what I have seen my grandma endure.  Yes, I would stick with Serena to even the most horrible of imaginable endings to our life.  But, there is that twinge of doubt..."Could I really do that?"  My grandma would probably say that it is not a big deal.

But, it is a big deal.  IT'S A HUGE DEAL!!  We view our marriages as some sort of disposable commodity that we can discard as soon as the relationship becomes a little too  unsatisfactory for our taste.  Because we feel as though we are no longer being fulfilled by the parameters of our marriage, we reason that it is OK to look somewhere else for that fulfillment.  We have cheapened the institution of marriage by becoming so fickle in our affections.  No longer is it "until death do us part" it is more close to "until no longer we feel like it."

This blog is not about somehow finding the magic key to making marriage everything that it is supposed to be; it's about us (Serena, myself, and all of you) wrestling with the Scriptures, listening to the Holy Spirit, and then putting our hands to the plow and not looking back and putting into practice what we have learned.  It might take some blood...probably a lot of sweat....and a huge amount of tears but through our obedience and commitment we can make our marriages into what they were designed to do, that is...to glorify God!

So, keep standing...

Josh

Thanks, Grandma, for standing.