Who are you?

Identity.

          Your identity.

                           

When we say identity we don't mean what it says on our government-issued ID.  There is a whole lot more to us than our name, address, weight, and whether or not we are an organ donor.  When we say identity we don't mean what we do for a living, who we are married to, whose parent we are, or our social status.  Who we are is not defined by the circumstances (good or bad) that surround us.  When we say identity we mean WHO we are; the person that is revealed when all of the external things are stripped away.  When we remove everything (our address, job, family, hobbies, etc.) who is left behind?  Our identity is not defined by what is happening externally to us; our identity is defined by Who is living internally.  The person that we are is defined by our relationship with Jesus.

If you have been reading this blog for any length of time, you know that we are fierce believers in Jesus Christ.  We recognize that He is the foundation for everything.  We can do nothing apart from Him and we are nothing apart from Him.  It should come as no surprise to you that we point you back the Risen One when we speak about our identities.  Not many of us would point to Jesus when asked who we are.  When in reality who we are can only be found in Him.

As we learn more about walking out our Christian faith and grow deeper in our relationship with Jesus, the more that we learn about the importance of our identity.  It seems that one of the primary reasons for our sinning against the Father and against one another stems from issues with our identity.  Whether it is a conscious choice to not be associated with our identity or an unconscious forgetting, our identities are paramount to our decision-making abilities.  We begin to act wrong and make wrong decisions when we do not know WHO we are.

So, who are you?

This whole idea of identity is one of the things that we had to learn during our time of healing the past few years.  In separate encounters with the Holy Spirit on different occasions, we both had the Father speak to us regarding our identity.  Somewhere in our individual journeys growing up we had suffered an injury to our identities.  For Serena, this did not cause her to fall away from God but it did cause some issues that needed to be dealt with by God the Father.  For Josh, his identity issues were caused by a severe emotional wound that had never healed properly.  As a result of improper healing, a callous was formed between him and God over the wound, that did not allow God (or anyone else, for that matter) in to those deep areas. No one was allowed to properly repair and heal the offense, or even know about it.  But both of us had a deep need to hear God Himself declare who we are.  And God, in His faithfulness, spoke to us in ways that ministered to our very need.  For Serena, God affirmed who she knew she was but often had a hard time allowing herself to feel it.  For Josh, it was a little more invasive but God spoke to the wound and rebuilt his identity.  In our own ways and in our own time both of us were able to hear God tell us who we are.

When we come to a place where we are able to hear God Himself declare our identity to us in a way that only we will understand, it is very difficult for the enemy to steal that from us.  This is why the enemy wants to destroy our marriages.  Our marriage is one of our deepest relationships outside of our relationship with Christ.  Our marriages are a reflection of Christ and His bride, the church.  The enemy wants both of those relationships to be torn down.  The enemy will use our spouse, the one that we pledged our life to, to tear our identity down.

When a spouse cheats, leaves, or divorces they have in some way lost or left their identity.  However, OUR identity does not change.  Circumstances and situations do not change our identity.  Our circumstances and situations may change how WE feel about our identity but our identity can only be changed by the One who gave it to us.  And He is not fickle or temperamental like we are.  He does not change His mind about our identity because of what we have done or have not done.  No matter what our spouse may say about us or do to us, our identity did not, and will not, change.

How do we respond to a spouse that has lost/ left their identity?  We continue to respect and honor them based on the identity that the Father gave them, not by their reaction to it.  Yea, it's going to be hard.  Yea, it's going to be ugly.  Your husband left?  Honor him as the man of God that he IS, not how he's currently acting.  Your wife is cheating?  Love her as Christ does the church and give yourself for her.  If we find ourselves in a place where our spouses are making poor decisions, understand that they will continue to make poor decisions until they learn or remember who they are.  So, pray for them.  Pray that God, the Author of their identity, will reveal their identity to them and cause them to remember WHO they are.

So, who are you?

You are a child of the King.  You are a marvelous work of God's creation.  You ransom was paid for by the precious blood of Jesus Christ.  God, the Father, had you in mind at the time of creation and has ordained each of your steps.  You are one that the Father treasures so highly that He has numbered each and every hair on your head.  He has commanded the angels to bottle each one of your tears that you have shed.  You were not a mistake or an accident.  Nothing has happened to you through chance or happenstance.  The situation that you find yourself in is one that the Father already knows about and is currently working on the miraculous redemption for.  You have been chosen.  You are not forgotten.

Whatever is happening to us on the outside cannot diminish who we are on the inside.  We never find out who we are by looking inside of our wallet.  We find out who we are by looking to the Everlasting Father.  He has always known who we are because He was the One that made us.  He is always ready to make His child's identity known to them.  All that we have to do is ask.

Josh and Serena

And Suddenly....

Many evenings, lately, we have been talking about stories from our past--some days one of us is just NOT up to it, so please do not be offended or hurt by your spouse not wanting to discuss the past or bring up the hurts they have caused. You will know in your heart if the reason for not discussing is because they are hiding or if maybe it really is just too much to bare at the moment.  Please, be sensitive. Stay in tune with the Holy Spirit and ask Him if you should be keeping a quiet heart. 

Because of questions brought up by our readers we are always having to evaluate our story and see if there was something we recalled or just had not shared. 

The night before Josh came home I remember a girl being very bold and asking me if I was seeing any kind of change in Josh--a change that would indicate he was coming home.  What a day to ask me THAT question!  That was a horribly emotional day for me, but it was a Wednesday.  I had just come from church and spent time in God's presence--so I was definitely standing firm for my marriage, without a doubt I was resolved.  AND God sending people to question my resolve was really just an opportunity for me to proclaim that I served the God of the impossible. 

Right before I got to church I had seen the other woman's car at Albertson's  grocery store.  I had no idea that I was really only 24 hours away from having my husband home for good.  Do we ever know when God's promises are going to be fulfilled in our lives?  When our fourth child was born, during Josh's absence, everything I did I tried to make a reflection of what was to come--not of the present situation--this was the reason Josh was in the delivery room for Levi's birth. I never wanted Levi to look back at pictures and not see his Daddy in them.  Levi's name was also significant.  His middle name is Joseph.  Joseph was thrown in prison; he KNEW what God had promised.....he knew not the time, place, or plan in HOW he would receive them.  He just KNEW that God had promised--and he clung to it. (even in prison)  In fact, he even had GLIMPSES of hope that things would turn around.  Imagine his excitement when he was able to share his story with the cup bearer--this is my chance.  I am getting out of here!!!  He was ultimately forgotten for God's perfect timing.  Can you imagine his disappointment?  I am sure he had to have had moments of discouragement, but he never doubted God's plan.  Naming our son Joseph was going to be a continual reminder that God's promises are ALWAYS going to be fulfilled, but we may not KNOW the time we are going to receive them.  Joseph had NO idea when he was weeks, days, hours, minutes, or even SECONDS from his release.  BUT GOD KNEW!!!

God works in the prodigal's heart...and his return home; do you want your spouse to come home too soon?  If the process of standing were easy then wouldn't it be just as easy to walk back out of your life again?  When you put great effort, prayer, and heartache into something you expect a much greater return.  I remember many times Josh's dad agreeing with me that Josh would someday come home, but when he saw Jael crying or Abishai balled up in the corner his heart would break.  Why couldn't he just STOP?  Why couldn't he just walk back into our lives NOW?  I remember telling him...I do NOT want Josh coming home for the children.  I do NOT want Josh coming home for me.  I do NOT want Josh coming home for anything but to do what is RIGHT in the sight of God.  Wow!! It had taken me a bit of time to get to that point, as I really wanted him HOME.  BUT I knew that if I was to allow God to do a complete work in Josh than it needed to be in His timing or we would be back in the same place a few years later. 

There are a lot of “suddenly”s in the Bible. God touched someone’s life, spoke to someone or revealed Himself and everything changed…instantly. It doesn’t take years to impact a life. It doesn’t even take 24 hours. It takes God an instant. God’s love and grace can penetrate someone’s life/heart in lightning speed when the Gospel comes alive in them. So, you can't look at those outward circumstances either. 

Are you praying for your spouse to have a Damascus Road Experience?  (I would recommend it...certainly helps to remember that God does things in an INSTANT.)

Acts 9:3  As he neared Damascus on his journey, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. (yes, open your Bible and read the whole story)

Nothing replaces the impact of God’s Spirit on a human life. We too often make ministry a long, hard drudgery. That too often leaves out the power of God. The Bible has a lot of  “suddenlys."  Why not allow God to make YOUR STORY the next one?

And suddenly…