Our sincere desire, whenever you read our musings on standing for your marriage, is never to make you feel little or ashamed for where you currently are in your marriage. Many times we do have Scriptural backing for what we believe; other times it is simply what we have learned. And, quite a lot of the time, He is teaching us even as we are writing the post for the next day.
Let us clarify some things that you may have misunderstood or misinterpreted about us and the stance we have taken for us and our marriage, you and your marriage, and for the friends and their marriages that we have yet to meet.
We have chosen to stand for our marriage. We believe that our marriage is a gift that the Father has given us for the purpose of completing the things in us that would be incomplete without our spouse, for the procreation of a Godly family, meeting the physical needs of companionship, pleasure, enjoyment, and sex. This does not mean that there are never hard or difficult times. In reality, it is more of a guarantee of hard or difficult times. Marriage is a union of two people becoming one person. The problem is that both parties are bringing their different personalities and characteristics into the relationship and attempting to make them mesh together. And whenever you do anything that involves people, it is bound to get messy and someone will get hurt at some point. But, it does not mean that we give up as soon as it gets messy. When people get married they need to be told that life will get messy, you might lose who you thought you were but in the midst of the mess and the process of life you will become someone much better because you have allowed someone else into your life and have chosen to be a part of them regardless of the pain. Vows are not based on how hard you try but you can give up eventually....remember you said, "'til deathdo us part'. What you really said was, "I am going to work at this until death."
We have chosen that divorce is not an option. But, that does not mean you have to believe like us. The Bible does teach us that God ALLOWS for divorce, in cases of infidelity. But, that was not the way He intended it to be. Over and over throughout Scripture we see God enacting laws and guidelines for us because of the hardness of our hearts. God says He hates divorce. Our goal should be to hate what He hates. We are all on a journey towards this, there are many things in our life that God hates....working on removing those should be our focus.
Israel begged and pleaded for a king to rule over them when God specifically told them that He desired to rule over them. What was the end result for their begging for a king? The ended up with generations of men that sat on the throne that were wicked, horrible, evil men. Yes, they did have some good kings in the mix but when you look at their history you quickly notice evil men constantly on the throne. I wonder what would have happened had Israel listened to God and let Him be their King; would the Middle East be in the turmoil it is in now?
God desired for us to be in an intimate relationship with Him with nothing between us....like back in the garden of Eden. But, again, due to our hardened heart and sin we got kicked out.
In 1 Corinthians 12 Paul is teaching about spiritual gifts and how they are to operate. As that chapter closes he says, "Let me show you a way of life that is best of all." and then proceeds into what is known as the "Love Chapter." The best way is the way of love. Not the kind of love we talked about the past couple of weeks but the kind of love that Jesus embodied in His life and His sacrifice on the cross.
Divorce is no different. God allows for it because of OUR hard hearts. It is a lawful thing in cases of infidelity. It is our belief (NOT BIBLE-BASED) that our culture has manipulated the purposes of divorce and now it is running rampant. People turn to divorce because our culture has made it the easiest way...but it is not the best way.
God's way is the best way. His way is not our way. Our way is lacking, to put it mildly. The Father is desiring for us to rise up to where He is. Obviously, we fail at this continually and can never attain His level of reasoning but that does not mean that we should not make an attempt, no matter how feeble it seems to Him. We will never be perfect as He is but He wants us to at least try.
Some good friends of ours told us a story recently that illustrates this well. The wife is deaf and they are teaching their young kids sign language. When they put their kids to bed they say, "I love you" in sign. Their oldest, who was only 3 at the time, made the sign back to them....flawed and imperfect but they understood and were overjoyed. What do you think it does to the Father's heart when He sees His children attempting to imitate Him? We are flawed and imperfect in our attempts but still we try. I believe that He is thrilled at our tries, even if we fail He understands.
Here is the point...we want to help you in any way we can to make you marriage and your life better imitate Him. If you choose divorce or have had one, we do not stand in judgment over you. We still want the best life for you; it might mean that you walk a more difficult road but God is bigger than the circumstance or the divorce. Our pathetic lives and choices cannot throw off God's plan for us. He is sovereign and can bring us to where He wants us.
And if you choose to stand for your marriage, you have fellow fighters here that you can call upon. Our prayers did not change; the prayer is still for the best in your life.
We believe that we are choosing God's more excellent way. We want to help you make that same choice. Not so that we can have a following...we could care less about that. We want to see you be everything that He is capable of making you and your marriage.
There is no situation or circumstance so great that He is not greater still!!
With all the love we have to give you,
Josh and Serena
