From the prodigal to the stander:
There are some things that I need to say to you. When you read this I may not even be at the place in my life where these words can actually come out of my mouth. However, I know that somewhere deep down locked away in my heart these words desperately want to come out. Even though I am sorry, this is more than just an "I'm sorry"; this is a prophetic repentance.
I need to apologize for who I have become. Who I am right now is not the person that you married. The person that you married would never hurt you or do you harm. I am confused, lost, and sick. I don't know who I am. I cannot seem to find my bearings to get home to you. I am so sick that everything that I once held dear I have forfeited and sold so that I could remain sick. Any sane person would have sold everything to find a cure for their illness but I have sold everything so that I could become sicker. The person that you married was strong and secure. They were unafraid to put a ring on the finger and be called yours. But the person that I was on our wedding day was replaced by a deranged individual that wants to hurt you.
I need to apologize for lying to you. I told you that I would love you forever. I told you that I would be there in sickness and in health. I said I would be there for richer or for poorer. I said I would love you for as long as we both lived. Our love was supposed to be the one that made everybody else jealous. We were supposed to be together until death. When you ask me if everything is OK, I lie to you. I'm not OK. I have been struggling for a long time. You have never judged me but I feel as though if I told you how I was struggling, you would. It is my own insecurities that make me this way.
I need to apologize for being extremely selfish. I have not cared for a moment about the consequence of my actions. I have only been interested in the things that made me happy. Actually these things I have been doing and involved in didn't really make me happy. They appeased me for a moment. It feels like I am addicted to doing the wrong thing. My actions give me a temporary buzz but afterwards, when I am alone, I feel completely empty. I don't remember the last time I felt complete. Wait! Yes, I do remember. The last time that I felt whole and complete and truly happy...was with you. I want to come home.
I need to apologize for breaking your heart. I took your most precious gift and tore it all to pieces. I did not think for a moment about what I am doing and how it would affect you. When we became husband and wife, and probably some time before, you gave me all the pieces of your heart. The good, the bad, the ugly. You entrusted me with all those pieces. And I took them and have used them as a weapon against you. I took your heart, broke it, stepped on it, and spat on it. I took the only thing that ever really mattered to me and destroyed it.
I need to apologize for destroying your ability to trust. You trusted me to keep your heart safe. You trusted me to act as though you were physically standing next to me, even when you weren't. You trusted me to make decisions that were in the best of us, not just me. You trusted me to share only with you my most intimate parts; physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I took those things and gave them to someone else.
I need to apologize for failing you. You used to lean on me for strength when you were weak. I used to protect you from everyone. I promised to love you. I promised to be there. You trusted me. You loved me. You were always there. And I failed to hold up my side of the covenant.
I need to apologize for turning from and running from God. He is the One that brought us together. He is the One that was going to keep us together. He still is. However, right now I left Him. I don't feel like I can even approach Him. It feels like I can't come back to Him because of everything that I have done.
You know me better than anyone else. You always have. I think that is what makes all of this so difficult for you. Who you see in me now is not who you have always known. But the me you have always known is still here. I am covered in sin, filth, and shame right now. And I don't want you to see me like this. It makes me feel uncomfortable. That's why I always put on a front when we are around or when we talk. I might come off as carefree and uncaring, or mad and unavailable, or cold and calculating. But I have to act that way to push you away because the way that you love me makes me feel unworthy. I know that you want us back together. I do too but I don't know how to get there.
The way that I look on the outside is not how I feel on the inside. I still love you. But I put myself into this extremely dangerous cycle that I don't know how to break. This cycle that I find myself is going to kill me if I don't get out of it. Will you please help me break it? Will you pray for me? Will you pray that God finds my weak spot? Will you pray that in that weak spot God pours His powerful grace though it? Will you pray that His grace breaks me to my very core and allows the person that you married to be made right again? Will you pray that who you know I really am to come back into the foreground? Will you pray that who I have become is destroyed? Because I want to come home.
I know that the road home is going to take a whole lot of hard decisions. I know that getting us back to where we are supposed to be is going to take a whole lot of work. And I am sure that I am going to act as though I don't want to do it. But deep down, I am willing to do anything to get us back. I want to come home.
Can I come home? Will you help me find my way?
Your prodigal
This may not seem true to life for you right now but it is the truth. You may never hear this from your spouse but this is what is going on inside of them. These are things that you need to know. This is a prophetic repentance from a former prodigal (Josh) that is now a stander.
Do not lose heart in your stance. Your prayers do not fall on the ears of a deaf god. Our Heavenly Father hears every one of your prayers. Stand strong, friends.
Josh and Serena
Showing posts with label Prodigal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Prodigal. Show all posts
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Returned Prodigal
This next week marks 4 years since my (Josh) departure from my family and from my God. Some days it feels like so long ago, others like it was yesterday. Ever since that fateful day, August has proved to be a rather difficult month. It was this month that much of my sordid, hidden past came to light.
Leading up to that day (it was the 9th, so you know) I had no intention of leaving my family. I was getting bolder in my forays into darker territories but still no intention of doing the things I did to my family. I had figured that this relationship would be just like all my others. However, the devil had other plans.
And, as a teaching point, that is EXACTLY what the enemy would want you to think...that this time will be like the last time and other times. But, by the time you realize what has happened, his hooks are in you and you become his marionette. He pulls the strings and you dance his dance. You may have no intention to go that far but the devil's plans call for that specifically.
The day that it all went down, it felt like a switch had been flipped in me. No longer was it me but someone else saying those words and doing those things. The "good" side of me had be short-circuited and, now, the "bad' side had taken over. Deep down I knew what was right and what I was supposed to do. But, I was tired of putting on that mask. I had been living two lives for so long that sooner or later one of them had to do away with the other. And because I had not fed my spirit, my flesh took over.
Not sure why I am telling you all this today but it needs to be said. Maybe you are the one that is leaving, has left, or is wrestling with two lives. If so, do WHATEVER you must to feed your spirit. Take a personal day at work to get alone with God. He will meet you there if you give Him the time and space to talk to you. Please, don't go down the road that I did. Don't put your family, your wife, your husband through the hell that I put mine through. Four years later and we are still dealing with the wounds and scars that I caused.
Or maybe you are the one who got left. You need to understand some of the workings of your prodigals mind. They may not even be aware of the things that they are doing. The switch might have been flipped in them. Your prayers need to be that God would work on that spouse and that whatever got broken and short-circuited would be made right and whole again.
It is never...and we do mean NEVER...too late for you, for your spouse, or for your marriage that God cannot make new that which is broken. Don't give up! Don't stop standing!
So we can end this post on a positive note....we are great, now! Yes, we deal with the hurt, pain, wounds, and scars from days gone by but they are only minor issues that are usually gone within hours or minutes of their coming to light. We are madly in love with one another. Sometimes it is hard to deal with the past but the Father has kept His promise to us....
Leading up to that day (it was the 9th, so you know) I had no intention of leaving my family. I was getting bolder in my forays into darker territories but still no intention of doing the things I did to my family. I had figured that this relationship would be just like all my others. However, the devil had other plans.
And, as a teaching point, that is EXACTLY what the enemy would want you to think...that this time will be like the last time and other times. But, by the time you realize what has happened, his hooks are in you and you become his marionette. He pulls the strings and you dance his dance. You may have no intention to go that far but the devil's plans call for that specifically.
The day that it all went down, it felt like a switch had been flipped in me. No longer was it me but someone else saying those words and doing those things. The "good" side of me had be short-circuited and, now, the "bad' side had taken over. Deep down I knew what was right and what I was supposed to do. But, I was tired of putting on that mask. I had been living two lives for so long that sooner or later one of them had to do away with the other. And because I had not fed my spirit, my flesh took over.
Not sure why I am telling you all this today but it needs to be said. Maybe you are the one that is leaving, has left, or is wrestling with two lives. If so, do WHATEVER you must to feed your spirit. Take a personal day at work to get alone with God. He will meet you there if you give Him the time and space to talk to you. Please, don't go down the road that I did. Don't put your family, your wife, your husband through the hell that I put mine through. Four years later and we are still dealing with the wounds and scars that I caused.
Or maybe you are the one who got left. You need to understand some of the workings of your prodigals mind. They may not even be aware of the things that they are doing. The switch might have been flipped in them. Your prayers need to be that God would work on that spouse and that whatever got broken and short-circuited would be made right and whole again.
It is never...and we do mean NEVER...too late for you, for your spouse, or for your marriage that God cannot make new that which is broken. Don't give up! Don't stop standing!
So we can end this post on a positive note....we are great, now! Yes, we deal with the hurt, pain, wounds, and scars from days gone by but they are only minor issues that are usually gone within hours or minutes of their coming to light. We are madly in love with one another. Sometimes it is hard to deal with the past but the Father has kept His promise to us....
Romans 8:28
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good
of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
Josh and Serena
Saturday, June 25, 2011
View From the Pig Pen
This time of year is kind of hard for me. This is the time of year that many of my problems took shape. It's fair time around the country. You know...4H, FFA, home-baked goods up for 1st prize, cinnamon rolls, and funnel cakes. I hate this time of year.
Now, I have nothing against fairs in and of themselves. It can be a very fun time for the family. Looking at all the accomplishments of the kids that raised their livestock is a blast for the children. Getting to snack on giant turkey legs that put your stomach in knots is always a good time. Free concerts in the summertime is hard to beat. Fairs are a good time...unless you spent the previous 8 years using that time to pursue your carnal desires.
I worked at the local fair for about 8 years as a security guard. We were there to make sure that a good time was had by all and remove those that would make others fair experience a bad time. Most people that worked the fair did it to earn a few extra bucks and that was the excuse I used. But, in all honesty, I used it to hit on other women.
My view from the pig pen consisted of taking in all of the eye candy (actually, eye heroin) that showed up at the fair each night. I used the fair to let my second life come to the surface more and let it run wild. I was not seen by my wife and kids for most of the 10 days that it was in town. I had no accountability for my time or whereabouts.
So, this time of year is difficult for me to see the fair coming to town. I wish I could have those memories of time at the fair redeemed so that I could experience it with my family without remembering the hurt that I eventually caused by my lies.
As you stand for your marriage and your prodigal spouse, keep this in mind...when your spouse does come home there may be some things that they did while they were gone that may be long term reminders about where they were at one time. This does not mean that they are still acting wrong; it simply means that they have sensitive areas that are still healing. When your spouse's heart has been softened and humbled by God they will have areas that are particularly sensitive to memories. You need to be cautious not to push them too hard in those areas. Pushing them hard will not drive them away but it will simply remind them of the pain they caused. You don't have to remind them of what happened; they remember all too well.
On the other hand, I will not be held hostage to my past or to bad memories. If I want to have the fair time redeemed, I must begin to make new memories with my family. Serena understands both sides of this so it makes it a bit easier. She knows how hard it is for me to think about those times. So, she doesn't push me too go if I seem to be a bit bothered by it. But, she still asks because she also knows that we need new memories. I am sure we will be going to our local fair sometime in the next week.
Josh
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Now, I have nothing against fairs in and of themselves. It can be a very fun time for the family. Looking at all the accomplishments of the kids that raised their livestock is a blast for the children. Getting to snack on giant turkey legs that put your stomach in knots is always a good time. Free concerts in the summertime is hard to beat. Fairs are a good time...unless you spent the previous 8 years using that time to pursue your carnal desires.
I worked at the local fair for about 8 years as a security guard. We were there to make sure that a good time was had by all and remove those that would make others fair experience a bad time. Most people that worked the fair did it to earn a few extra bucks and that was the excuse I used. But, in all honesty, I used it to hit on other women.
My view from the pig pen consisted of taking in all of the eye candy (actually, eye heroin) that showed up at the fair each night. I used the fair to let my second life come to the surface more and let it run wild. I was not seen by my wife and kids for most of the 10 days that it was in town. I had no accountability for my time or whereabouts.
So, this time of year is difficult for me to see the fair coming to town. I wish I could have those memories of time at the fair redeemed so that I could experience it with my family without remembering the hurt that I eventually caused by my lies.
As you stand for your marriage and your prodigal spouse, keep this in mind...when your spouse does come home there may be some things that they did while they were gone that may be long term reminders about where they were at one time. This does not mean that they are still acting wrong; it simply means that they have sensitive areas that are still healing. When your spouse's heart has been softened and humbled by God they will have areas that are particularly sensitive to memories. You need to be cautious not to push them too hard in those areas. Pushing them hard will not drive them away but it will simply remind them of the pain they caused. You don't have to remind them of what happened; they remember all too well.
On the other hand, I will not be held hostage to my past or to bad memories. If I want to have the fair time redeemed, I must begin to make new memories with my family. Serena understands both sides of this so it makes it a bit easier. She knows how hard it is for me to think about those times. So, she doesn't push me too go if I seem to be a bit bothered by it. But, she still asks because she also knows that we need new memories. I am sure we will be going to our local fair sometime in the next week.
Josh
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Father's Day
Today is Father's day. I am so glad that I am able to enjoy this day with my wife and kids. It almost wasn't so. This may come out being a bit harsh but it is also a warning for something you may be considering or in the process of doing.
When I began my departure from my family, I started practicing what it would be like to be a divorced dad. I did all the "fun" things. I took them all out to dinner once a week...to wherever they wanted to go. I was going to be the fun dad. I thought that was "being there" for them. However, there is more to being there than dinners once a week or going out for ice cream.
This is not meant to bring blame or condemnation if you find yourself in this situation because of your spouse's choices. Being a divorced spouse is not something that is to be taken lightly. The movies and TV make it look like it is no big deal. Our culture makes it easier and easier to be a divorced parent. But, it is not meant to be this way.
If you, as a parent, desire to be there for your kids means that you have to be there...physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It means that you are there for the good times (going out to eat, ice cream, winning the soccer game, birthdays) and the bad times (skinned knees, dashed hopes, bad dreams, and thunderstorms). You don't get to pick which days you want to be a great parent. Great parents aren't made by the good days; they are made by the bad days that you have but have to pull it together for your children.
Wives pray your husbands home, for the sake of your children. Don't allow Satan to win this battle. It doesn't just end with dashed childhood hopes and dreams; this carries into adulthood. Think about the long term effects and how their life will turn out. Teach your children that God makes the impossible possible. Keep standing for the return of your children's father.
Fathers, GO HOME, if you are not where you should be. Your daughters need you to affirm them and show them what to look for in a future spouse. They need their dad to be there to protect them from the hormones of young men. Your sons need their father to teach them how to be a real man. How to change a flat tire and how to stand courageous in the face of danger and adversity. In years to come, don't leave them standing in the card section at Walmart wondering what kind of card to give you on a day which honors your role as their father...wishing it wasn't so hard to pick the "right" card. Be there for them and being there for them is where GOD wants you.
Happy Father's Day!!
Josh and Serena
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When I began my departure from my family, I started practicing what it would be like to be a divorced dad. I did all the "fun" things. I took them all out to dinner once a week...to wherever they wanted to go. I was going to be the fun dad. I thought that was "being there" for them. However, there is more to being there than dinners once a week or going out for ice cream.
This is not meant to bring blame or condemnation if you find yourself in this situation because of your spouse's choices. Being a divorced spouse is not something that is to be taken lightly. The movies and TV make it look like it is no big deal. Our culture makes it easier and easier to be a divorced parent. But, it is not meant to be this way.
If you, as a parent, desire to be there for your kids means that you have to be there...physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It means that you are there for the good times (going out to eat, ice cream, winning the soccer game, birthdays) and the bad times (skinned knees, dashed hopes, bad dreams, and thunderstorms). You don't get to pick which days you want to be a great parent. Great parents aren't made by the good days; they are made by the bad days that you have but have to pull it together for your children.
Wives pray your husbands home, for the sake of your children. Don't allow Satan to win this battle. It doesn't just end with dashed childhood hopes and dreams; this carries into adulthood. Think about the long term effects and how their life will turn out. Teach your children that God makes the impossible possible. Keep standing for the return of your children's father.
Fathers, GO HOME, if you are not where you should be. Your daughters need you to affirm them and show them what to look for in a future spouse. They need their dad to be there to protect them from the hormones of young men. Your sons need their father to teach them how to be a real man. How to change a flat tire and how to stand courageous in the face of danger and adversity. In years to come, don't leave them standing in the card section at Walmart wondering what kind of card to give you on a day which honors your role as their father...wishing it wasn't so hard to pick the "right" card. Be there for them and being there for them is where GOD wants you.
Happy Father's Day!!
Josh and Serena
Thursday, June 16, 2011
View From the Pig Pen
"What am I missing out on?"
This was the type of thinking that helped me along on the path to departing from my faith and my God. I reasoned in my broken mind that because I was living this "Christian" life I was somehow missing out on the plethora of opportunities that were to be had in the world. From my viewpoint, on the right side of the fence, that everything beyond what I could see must be far more fun than where I was currently. I thought that the old adage, "The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence." must have been a lie. From where I stood everything looked better than the life I had.
This type of thinking finds it hold us from the influence of popular culture. In our TV shows and in our movies, the lifestyle of party hard and live your life with no thought to the consequences is ingrained in us. We laugh at the guy that is so drunk that he has no idea what he is doing or is being done to him. We procure our entertainment from watching people maneuver through the ups and downs of a debauched life. We find our humor in watching men cheat on their wives and the lies they tell to continue in their lifestyle. It is so sad.
And that was the life I wanted to live. I wanted to be the party guy, the drunk guy, the sleeping around guy, the guy that everyone wanted to know. I thought that guy was better than the guy that blessed his kids and tucked them in each night. I thought that the cheating guy was better and more fun than the guy that was faithful to his wife and always would stand strong for her. I wanted to be the the fun guy; the guy I was was a stick in the mud. In reality, if I had stood my ground for the being the man that I was and committing to it, would have been the envy of all the TV shows and movies. Men that are strong in soul and spirit are to be admired much more than men that are only in it for the fun.
The allure of the world that I was not in, called to me...not to more fun but to the pig pen. And I responded by running full-force, headlong into it...with no thought to the damage I would cause. However, that was not who I was. I was a family man...I was a Godly man. I was not the party animal; I was the steadfast rock for my family. No matter what I did or where I went I would not be able to shake that feeling. I may have been able to make it fade a bit but never made it go away. I tried extremely hard to make it disappear. I had to make my heart colder and harder in order to continue doing what I was doing. Even if I couldn't see it with natural eyes from the pig pen, the view that remained in my mind was one of my home and my family.
My problem was that I was not on the right side of the fence....or the wrong side. I was walking the top rail. And walking the middle does not give you a proper perspective. I saw myself as boring because I wasn't committed to God. You can have a lot more fun in Christ when you aren't looking out for what you are missing. Now that I am wholly committed to God and my family, I have a lot more fun and enjoy life to the fullest.
What am I missing out on, now? Nothing at all! I have the best life that could be imagined by God. I never want to see the world from the pig pen ever again.
Pray that your spouse that is far from you and God would have moments of visual clarity, in their mind or with natural eyes, to see where they are and where they should be. God can do amazing things when a standing spouse begins to pray for their other half!
Josh
This was the type of thinking that helped me along on the path to departing from my faith and my God. I reasoned in my broken mind that because I was living this "Christian" life I was somehow missing out on the plethora of opportunities that were to be had in the world. From my viewpoint, on the right side of the fence, that everything beyond what I could see must be far more fun than where I was currently. I thought that the old adage, "The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence." must have been a lie. From where I stood everything looked better than the life I had.
This type of thinking finds it hold us from the influence of popular culture. In our TV shows and in our movies, the lifestyle of party hard and live your life with no thought to the consequences is ingrained in us. We laugh at the guy that is so drunk that he has no idea what he is doing or is being done to him. We procure our entertainment from watching people maneuver through the ups and downs of a debauched life. We find our humor in watching men cheat on their wives and the lies they tell to continue in their lifestyle. It is so sad.
And that was the life I wanted to live. I wanted to be the party guy, the drunk guy, the sleeping around guy, the guy that everyone wanted to know. I thought that guy was better than the guy that blessed his kids and tucked them in each night. I thought that the cheating guy was better and more fun than the guy that was faithful to his wife and always would stand strong for her. I wanted to be the the fun guy; the guy I was was a stick in the mud. In reality, if I had stood my ground for the being the man that I was and committing to it, would have been the envy of all the TV shows and movies. Men that are strong in soul and spirit are to be admired much more than men that are only in it for the fun.
The allure of the world that I was not in, called to me...not to more fun but to the pig pen. And I responded by running full-force, headlong into it...with no thought to the damage I would cause. However, that was not who I was. I was a family man...I was a Godly man. I was not the party animal; I was the steadfast rock for my family. No matter what I did or where I went I would not be able to shake that feeling. I may have been able to make it fade a bit but never made it go away. I tried extremely hard to make it disappear. I had to make my heart colder and harder in order to continue doing what I was doing. Even if I couldn't see it with natural eyes from the pig pen, the view that remained in my mind was one of my home and my family.
My problem was that I was not on the right side of the fence....or the wrong side. I was walking the top rail. And walking the middle does not give you a proper perspective. I saw myself as boring because I wasn't committed to God. You can have a lot more fun in Christ when you aren't looking out for what you are missing. Now that I am wholly committed to God and my family, I have a lot more fun and enjoy life to the fullest.
What am I missing out on, now? Nothing at all! I have the best life that could be imagined by God. I never want to see the world from the pig pen ever again.
Pray that your spouse that is far from you and God would have moments of visual clarity, in their mind or with natural eyes, to see where they are and where they should be. God can do amazing things when a standing spouse begins to pray for their other half!
Josh
Rembrandt's The Prodigal in the Tavern
Thursday, June 9, 2011
View from the Pig Pen
We thought it might be good for you if you hear from me (Josh) about the time I spent as a prodigal. Hopefully, it will give you some insight into what your prodigal spouse might be dealing with. We are thinking that this might become a recurring post that I share every week or so.
You should know that in the Bible story about the prodigal that the prodigal made his choices based on his own perceptions, not on truth. He demanded his inheritance from his father and set out on his journey. And, like the Biblical prodigal, I did the same. Here are some of my thoughts that led me to my journey from home. Remember this is what I USED to be like...
I had the life that was to be envied. I was a fairly good-looking and smart black man. OK, the old me thought I was SMOKING HOT!! I had a gorgeous wife and beautiful kids. I was a pastor and worship leader at my church. I had a rapidly growing business. I had 2 new vehicles and the ability to afford almost anything I wanted. Everyone wanted a piece of me..."Josh, can you help me ____?" If you needed it done, you called me. Needless to say, I was VERY prideful.
This is where the beginning of the end for me. Me and my pride. The view from the pig pen is a view filled with pride. Think about it...in the story of the prodigal son, he had to actually consider eating from the pig's slop before he thought about going home.
My pride began to tell me to take more risks. It told me to it was not only OK to look at other women but to begin to actively pursue them. It told me that I was too smart to get caught. It told me that I could keep my family life and my hidden life completely separate. In short, my pride lied to me. This is not an excuse to pass the buck; it is just the truth.
Eventually my two lives collided violently and I moved out. Where was my pride then? Well, it kept lying to me. It told me that I was happier this way. It told me that I could make being a divorced father work. It told me that getting drunk and partying was the life to lead. It told me that the loneliness I felt would eventually go away...it didn't.
I found myself alone more nights than I wanted. I was constantly looking for more stuff to do or more places to be in order to numb the loneliness. But, even that wouldn't numb the pain. I was too prideful to admit it though. If I admitted that my life was no good the way I was living it would mean that I was wrong. Pride does not let you be wrong. So, pride pushed me to go further and further from what I knew was right.
One of the biggest moments in my journey home, and most humbling, was when I had to call Serena and ask to come home. It was my first realization that pride was not my friend. My pride was keeping me from the life that God desired for me to live. My pride was standing between me and my destiny. This was the beginning of the end of prideful Josh; humble Josh was still in the process of being made.
Pride is a false foundation that degrades everything that is built upon it. Before anything can happen in the way of restoration and reconciliation, the pride has to go. So, your prayer for your prodigal spouse needs to be one that will beseech God to break through their pride. The answer that comes back may be ugly and hard to bear but will bring about the God-desired response- a heart completely humbled and fully surrendered to the King. You may not like how He brings about that heart change; do not allow your own reactions and attitudes to get in the way of what God is doing in your spouse. Trust that He knows what He is doing.
Just a little glimpse into what a redeemed prodigal saw and now recognizes from the pig pen...
Josh
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Calling Out to All Prodigals
I pray that today's post may shed some light on the darkness you may be facing. Whether you are the stander, may this show you how to pray for your loved one. If you are the prodigal, may you hear from someone that knows what you are going through. I'm not really sure where to start with this so I will just let it flow....
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I am a stander. But not due to the greatness of my own spirit or convictions. I stand because I was shown how to stand by my wife. In the face of seemingly insurmountable odds, my wife set her face towards God and chose to believe His Word about God, about marriage, and about me. I have since come to the same truths about God and about marriage. And more importantly, I have come to know the truth about me.
Although I am now a stander, I was a prodigal first. I guess you could call me a reformed prodigal. Or better yet...a redeemed prodigal. Yes, I am a redeemed prodigal. I am glad that I have been redeemed but many days I feel so ashamed about the past that I created. I am unworthy of the life that I now am free to live.
You see, I had all the opportunities that everyone has to be the person that I was designed to be. I also had all the opportunities to be the person that it was easier to be. And that is the person I chose to be. I didn't make the time to know God. I didn't find the time to learn who He made me to be. I didn't care about what I was giving up; I wanted to be the one in control. It was easier to be influenced by the allure of the world and its value system than to stand for righteousness and truth.
But, easy never allows for growth. Easy never causes one to rise up, to overcome, to see what waits for those that will ascend the hill of God. Easy only leads one to begin to desire the slop of the pigs. Easy paves the way that will draw you down to places you could never have imagined in your wildest nightmares. Easy makes sure that there are no bumps in the road to deter you from your destruction.
To the prodigals that may be reading this...please, hear the truth from someone that has been down that smooth, easy path. The road you are on will not bring you what you think you are missing out on. The choices you have made will not bring joy, or freedom, or the life you think you were made to live. You will wind up broken, alone, and longing for things to just go back to the way they were.
Prodigal child, running son, hiding daughter, please, please, listen to me. If you haven't yet, you will find yourself longing for things to go back to the way that they used to be. Your mind will wander thinking about what if I stayed. You left the life, marriage, and the family you had for what might have been with someone or something else. And now, what you had hoped would bring satisfaction has now left you empty and alone. I was there...I know the emptiness. I know the feeling that all is lost.
Although I am now a stander, I was a prodigal first. I guess you could call me a reformed prodigal. Or better yet...a redeemed prodigal. Yes, I am a redeemed prodigal. I am glad that I have been redeemed but many days I feel so ashamed about the past that I created. I am unworthy of the life that I now am free to live.
You see, I had all the opportunities that everyone has to be the person that I was designed to be. I also had all the opportunities to be the person that it was easier to be. And that is the person I chose to be. I didn't make the time to know God. I didn't find the time to learn who He made me to be. I didn't care about what I was giving up; I wanted to be the one in control. It was easier to be influenced by the allure of the world and its value system than to stand for righteousness and truth.
But, easy never allows for growth. Easy never causes one to rise up, to overcome, to see what waits for those that will ascend the hill of God. Easy only leads one to begin to desire the slop of the pigs. Easy paves the way that will draw you down to places you could never have imagined in your wildest nightmares. Easy makes sure that there are no bumps in the road to deter you from your destruction.
To the prodigals that may be reading this...please, hear the truth from someone that has been down that smooth, easy path. The road you are on will not bring you what you think you are missing out on. The choices you have made will not bring joy, or freedom, or the life you think you were made to live. You will wind up broken, alone, and longing for things to just go back to the way they were.
Prodigal child, running son, hiding daughter, please, please, listen to me. If you haven't yet, you will find yourself longing for things to go back to the way that they used to be. Your mind will wander thinking about what if I stayed. You left the life, marriage, and the family you had for what might have been with someone or something else. And now, what you had hoped would bring satisfaction has now left you empty and alone. I was there...I know the emptiness. I know the feeling that all is lost.
BUT IT'S NOT OVER!!
There is still hope. What was lost can be restored. Not only restored but redeemed. Everything that was lost can be bought back. Not only can it be bought back but it has been purchased. There is a man, Jesus, that took a cross to pay for all of your sin and my sin. He made it possible for all to be redeemed. All of your bad choices, all of your running, all of your infidelity, all of your unnatural desires....He paid for all of them so that you could be free from them.
Prodigal, you are not too far gone. You have not strayed so far that His love cannot reach you. You have done nothing that He cannot and will not and has not already forgiven you. You are redeemed; all you have to do is ask.
If you are reading this and need someone to simply hear you and your heart, email us. If you need someone to cry with, we are here for you. If you need someone to show you to this man, Jesus, we would love to help you with that. If no one else with fight with you to get back to the place where you know you are supposed to be, we will. We love you!!
Still standing as a redeemed prodigal,
Josh
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