"Divorce Rate Declining"
Let’s look at the details behind the headlines of some articles I came across. The marriage rate has dropped by nearly 30% in the past 25 years, and people are waiting about five years longer to marry than they did in 1970. The study also showed that divorce within the first ten years of marriage dropped by one-third among college educated women, while remaining stable among less educated women. Divorce rates are lowered because of economic strain...well, that makes no sense? According the article, the money causes stress, but the reason for the decline may have more to do with the fact that they can't afford to be divorced. This breaks my heart.
One major reason for the divorce rate being down, according to the study, is due to more couples living together without marrying. The number of couples who live together without marriage has increased tenfold in the past 25 years. It's clearly NOT that divorce has declined...it's that our culture has changed. God still calls it sin for each individual involved in such a relationship. Every form of media actually encourages this trial-run.
In 1970, most unmarried couples who lived together did so privately. Today such sinful living arrangements are proudly announced. This is true, even when a covenant spouse has been abandoned so that a prodigal spouse can enter the sinful relationship. I knew it was just a matter of time during Josh's prodigal days that his relationship would escalate to this level....
Cohabitation is here to stay," says David Popenoe, a Rutgers sociology professor and report co-author. "I don't think it's good news, especially for children," he says. "As society shifts from marriage to cohabitation — which is what's happening — you have an increase in family instability."
Cohabiting couples have twice the breakup rate of married couples, the report's authors say. And in the USA, 40% bring kids into these often-shaky live-in relationships.
"It is important now to think beyond the divorce rate to other kinds of couple unions and look at how stable they are," says Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, a social historian and report co-author.
"It's a pretty short period of time for that change (cohabitation) to have occurred and to have taken hold in the way it has," she says.
In the USA, 8.1% of coupled households are made up of unmarried, heterosexual partners. Although many European countries have higher cohabitation rates, divorce rates in those countries are lower, and more children grow up with both biological parents, even though the parents may not be married, Popenoe says.
The USA has the lowest percentage among Western nations of children who grow up with both biological
parents, 63%, the report says.
"The United States has the weakest families in the Western world because we have the highest divorce rate and the highest rate of solo parenting," Popenoe says. (stats found in
USA today, 2005)
When a prodigal mother or father is packing their bags, walking out on a family to pursue selfish interests, it is unfortunate that the individual cannot look 20 years ahead, and see their child, grown up, but scarred by what that prodigal is about to cause to happen. Once the enemy has blinded a spouse, they consider only the immediate, and not the long term. Divorce is legalized child abuse, for what it does to children. (Ouch!) During Josh's absence this was the kind of thing that kept me standing.......
Moms and Dads say they want what is best for their kids. That has to be an intact home; I said BEST.... this does NOT mean that God doesn't protect our children. BUT I am sick and tired of hearing about little boys and girls who cry themselves to sleep every night, and hearing about a brokenhearted child when a prodigal parent does not show up for visitation. or for graduation, or for weddings, or for other monumental occasions, as promised. Children sometimes suffer silently; I can think of many things over the last 20 years that I have been saddened by--in regards to my parent's divorce. This is NOT what God intended; it is NOT His best. AND, yes, you can survive...this is about God's best.
Of all the sad things I have seen and witness when a marriage breaks up, the most heartbreaking is a young lady who has become sexually active, going from man to man, in a futile attempt to recapture the love that her daddy did not give her. As an adult having come from a divorced home I am so grateful this is NOT my story, but I have seen it so many times. No man on this earth will ever replace what a father has robbed from her. I pray that these girls can discover early that the love of God can replace the love of a selfish, absent, earthly father. I spent many nights crying out for Jael, praying she never had to go through the feelings of rejection. No matter how much a child can rationalize in their mind it's not about them....it still feels like it, at times.
If you are even slightly considering telling me today that, "I quit. This is too hard. Nothing is changing. Everyone says I deserve better" messages--do NOT think of doing that today.
Are you so concerned with your immediate happiness that you cannot do what God has called you to do?
What circumstances would change today if you stopped standing?
There is too much at stake for you to become selfish, as your prodigal spouse has already done. Standing for the restoration of your marriage does not cause harm to your child...it allows them to see that you serve a God that is "God of the impossible!"
Society now accepts cohabitation as normal. The judicial system has no problem with it. But wait, in many instances, the church has accepted cohabitation. I know...you are thinking I have crossed the line, but it's true in a lot of churches. I am not saying this is YOUR church. Somehow, it has become acceptable for two people, not married to one another, to live together in adultery, and to not only attend church, but to be actively involved in church functions--until God convicts them, right?
So, the divorce rate may have dropped a bit......for many reasons......
BUT is there any hope? Yes, there certainly is. Although it won't be found--most likely in statistics. How do you gather statistics based on GOD in His reconciliation power? Statistics need to be based in that divorce is down 100% in YOUR marriage. This will happen when the Holy Spirit has touched the hearts of you and your spouse, and you both have responded and have started to live as God intended, as a husband and wife, forsaking all others, "Til death us do part."
This disease has a cure; the war can be won. BUT only with God’s help. First, you need to do what God has shown you to do--remember this is NOT about Josh and Serena. Instead of running into another relationship, with an even higher possibility of failure, you need to take a secure stand with God for marriage restoration. Second, do not become a secret stander. Allow others, in your family, at work, in your church, and in your circle of influence to hear, by your words and by your actions that you mean business in this war against divorce. When I told my mom that I would stand for Josh and our marriage she said, "How bad does it have to get? When do I tell you it's okay to give up?" I replied, "It will get bad; it'll get worse. No matter how bad it gets....I can NEVER give up. Always remind me I said NEVER, EVER, EVER give up!" I never did say I wanted give up...I have no doubt that letting people know that I would stick to what God told me to do and never change was critical to my never giving up. People WILL watch to see if you are only a secret stander.
