His Story

If you could look ahead in time and see the fruits of what you are doing by standing for your marriage...if you could hop into a time machine and go back to where it all went downhill and then jump ahead to the future and see how it all worked out...if you could somehow catch a glimpse of what the Father sees when He looks at you...do you think it would give you the strength the to finish this project you have started in standing for your marriage?  I would venture to say, YES!!

Why would seeing how it all turns out, for your good, inspire you or give you strength to keep going?  Because it is your testimony!!  Even though you can't see it right now or is very difficult to see through the pain of your current situation, your testimony is being written by the hand of the Almighty...even as we speak!  You testimony, authored by God, is not done yet.  God is not in the habit of writing dark comedies or horror novels.  He is not writing your testimony to be a mystery or a comedy of errors.  He has not written you into a 3 Stooges picture or a comic book.  We don't understand His creative writing process but His stories (your testimony) always finish with the most AMAZING endings.  We think Hollywood comes up with wild twists at the end of movies....you've not even begun to see God work!!

What makes God's stories (your testimony) so ridiculously awesome is that His stories never end up with you or I being exalted or glorified.  His story ALWAYS finishes with Him being glorified to the highest, exalted above every other thing, and He alone being seen.  In the end of God's story (your testimony) you fade into the background and He rises to the forefront.

You see, right now, you are the one in the spotlight.  You are the one that is enduring the pain.  You are the one that has caused pain.  You are suffering.  You are holding on beyond hope.  People mock you because of your stance.  You are carrying the shame of what you have done to your spouse.  Whatever it may be, you are being seen by all.

But, soon, He will be seen!  He will rise to the occasion of completing your story and displaying His awesome power.  All of your pain will be used to glorify Him.  All of your shame will exalt Him.  Everything that was used against you, said about you, done to you will be brought forth to honor the King of all Kings!!

We don't know now how or when He will do it.  In fact, from where we stand it seems impossible.  It seem ludicrous to think that good can come from the evil you have endured.  But, He will do it...if you let Him.  If you let Him write it and be willing to be simply a character in the story of God, He will do it.  He will not fail or get writer's block.  He will use each and every thing about you in telling the story about Himself.  Through you, He will display RECONCILIATION!  Through you, He will display LOVE!!  Through you, He will show the world that there IS a God in heaven that deeply loves people, regardless of what they look like or what they have gone through.  All through you...

So, don't give up now!  Hold on!!  Don't give up on reading His story (your testimony) as it is played out in your life!!  The best part has yet to be written!!

Romans 8:28

And we know that God causes everything to work together

for the good of those who love God

and are called according to his purpose for them.



Josh and Serena

15

When Josh came home, I NEEDED to talk.  I needed to talk through all of the stuff that we went through, were going through, and what was still to come.  I needed an outlet to release everything that had been pent up for those days, weeks, months, and years.  However, the problem that we faced was that I was a woman and Josh was a man.

What I mean is that women like to talk and men, well, DON'T.  Josh knew it had to be done but that didn't change the way the he was wired.  However, we didn't talk about lots of this for some time.  It wasn't until we were in CO that we began to really work through the mess.  After we decided to begin talking through it we spent many nights in deep discussions about everything.  Much of it was stuff that we had already talked about the night before but I needed to hear about it again.  Josh tried to endure the questioning but it began to be too much for him.  I could see that visibly he was getting frustrated by the constant talking in circles.

So, we came to an arrangement.  Since, he was willing to talk but could not go on for hours and I needed to talk and could go on indefinitely, we decided that after the kids were in bed we would talk for 15 minutes.  Nothing was off limits, nothing held back.  But, after 15 minutes were over we would move onto something else...a movie, some Wii, other chores, etc.  This time was invaluable for us.

Two things happened during this time; 1. I spent my time away from Josh deciding what I would ask him to make the most of the time we had allocated to it.  2. Josh didn't get frustrated by the conversation that HAD to take place.  By Josh not being tired of talking he would be able to open up about other things on his own.  By giving me a finite amount of time to ask, I made sure that what I asked was really necessary for my healing and our well-being. AND gradually 15 minutes EVERY day was really too much, as I realized that I didn't really need to go over the same stuff.  BUT when I was talking in circles every night I would forget, so I had to ask again.  I also began to see that talking about the past really WASN'T bringing any healing.

Really think about your time and see if it's helping or hurting--the endless talking is not as helpful as you might think.  The quality time we spent playing games, watching movies, and talking about other stuff....that brought healing.  When we talked into the night about the hurt and pain there was NO time for the stuff that really helps.

Regrets

Regrets...we all live with them, don't we?  They don't feel good, do they?  Regrets come when we have done something that we shouldn't have or have not done something that we should have.  Regrets can cause us to sink into deep pits of despair and depression.  However, they can also spur us onto action and purpose.  It does not matter what the regret is, your response to it will determine whether you sink into hopelessness or rise up to restoration.

Maybe you are reading this and you are living with regrets stemming from a series of bad decisions.  Maybe you have left your family and your decisions have not turned out like you imagined it.  Maybe your marriage has crumbled to some sort of substance abuse.  Regardless of what your regrets are or where they have come from, you don't have to live a life where your regrets rule you.

Or maybe you are reading this and you are regretting decisions where you were supposed to stand for right and you didn't.  Maybe you decided that a divorced life would be acceptable and now wish it could be undone.  Maybe you remember a time long ago when life was right, your marriage was sweet, and you want to rewind time to way back when.  You don't have to live your life wishing that things were different.

When I look back at what I (Josh) have done, I could easily find myself in a very dark place.  If I was judging myself I would find myself lacking in so many things; regretting the majority of my life and decisions from a very young age.

When I (Serena) look back, I regret not praying more for my husband and learning what it meant to stand for your husband LONG before he makes a downward spiral. Marriages not TRUELY covered in prayer are east targets.  If I spend enough time dwelling on the past, I wish I could take back time and find the moment where our lives starting dipping lower and do something...ANYTHING...to make the last few chapters of our lives not happen.

But, we don't live in the past.  We can't!  There is too much that God has placed in our hands and directed us to for us to live in the past with regrets swallowing us.  There are times when we are talking about things when sometimes one of us has to say, "Enough."  Usually those are the times when our regrets start to rise up into an ungodly size and we begin to feel a sense of defeat.

We learned, during our restoration, that we cannot linger in the past.  We had to move on into where God was leading us; forgiveness, healing, forgiveness, wholeness, forgiveness, love, forgiveness, joy, and a little more forgiveness.  It is simple in thought and theory but not so simple to live out.

Whatever the regret you have to move on from it.  Be it something done or not done, you have to move on.  What has been done cannot be undone but the lingering effects from them can be turned into something good.  You may be asking, "What good can come from this?"  That is up to a combination of God and your response to His leading.

Once you have regrets, you have a choice...will you continue to live in such a way that it breeds more regrets?  Or will you learn to make some hard decisions that will cause you to say, "It doesn't matter how hard this may be I WILL not continue to have regrets!"

I don't know about you, but for us, we don't have time for regrets.  God has too much for us to do...for you to do...to let regrets cripple us.

Josh and Serena

No matter how big or how small....we all have SOME kind of regrets. 

Testimony Time

Well, friends, it's testimony time!  Yesterday was our anniversary...12 years to be exact.  And, oh, what a ride it has been!

We have seen some good times and bad times. We've been through a living hell and have come out to now be living in the peace of God.  We were thrown into a fiery furnace with no residual effects...we don't even smell like smoke.  And, through it all we have seen God's hand in our life.

12 years...3 miscarriages...5 children (6 very soon!)...3 cross-country moves...5 affairs...1 standing spouse...1 prodigal spouse....and 1 eternally faithful God!!

He walked the road that we walked.  He pushed us and strengthened us when we didn't want to go on.  He carried us when we would have fallen.  He crushed us and broke our wills so that He could be glorified in the restoration and healing of us as individuals and as a couple.  It is to Him that all glory and honor is due.  It is for Him that we now live our lives.  Anything that we are and everything that we are able to do is by His grace alone!

This is our testimony.  We are where we are today by the saving grace of Christ.  We will be who we are tomorrow because of His faithfulness and new mercies.  No longer are we two individuals striving to make a marriage work.  We are now one body, joined together and united with Christ, flowing in the beautiful dance of a marriage that only the Father could choreograph.

And this can be your testimony, too.

Standing stronger than ever....

Josh and Serena

Audio Podcast

We had the honor of sharing our testimony in a phone interview with Luke Gilkerson of Covenant Eyes.  It was an amazing opportunity to share hope, and we can only pray that it will reach more people than we could have ever imagined.  May God continue to get the glory from our story. 

Romans 8:28  And we know that for those who love God, that is, for those who are called according to his purpose, all things are working together for good.

All of our past, our afflictions and trials, all the persecutions, all of the sin we were exposed to....it may feel numerous and tortureous, yet they are among the many reasons that we are WHO we are today.  God promises all of these "circumstances" will work together for good. He never said they would FEEL good. God promises they will contribute to our good. They take off our pretenses from this world; they teach us the truth about our frail, sinful and worthless condition; they lead us to look to God for support, and gain an eternal perspective. 
 
This opportuniy has allowed us to face the past, again, causing us to remain humble and very much aware of our need for Him. The only stipulation for this promise is that God promises it would work for our good....if we LOVE Him. Afflictions can turn into a blessing. To others, they often prove otherwise. As much as reflecting on the past and the pain can cause tears.  We have peace.  We desire that our testimony should accomplish their purpose--for GOOD. 

Listen here and here: