Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Glass of Milk
And again......Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
This is the way we are called to be....this is how we are supposed to love. By hoping, persevering, and never giving up! We may have failed yesterday, but it is not too late to work on these things. When we stood at the altar we said we would LOVE forever, "'til death do us part." Do you know what love is? Have the last couple of weeks given it a better picture? For Josh and I it sure has......Love ALWAYS protects, ALWAYS trusts, ALWAYS hopes, ALWAYS perseveres, and it NEVER fails.
We might sound like a broken record, but you cannot FAIL unless you give up. Standing for your marriage will NEVER fail as LOVE never fails. Unconditional love means that you love with a love that understands that you may not receive the same level of commitment. If you are the one who has a spouse gone, distant, or cold....you are NOT receiving the same level of commitment BUT your calling has never changed. We are called to LOVE.
I have failed my husband in the past. I hurt him without realizing it. I honestly felt that I was the best wife I could be but when I compare myself to the days of looking at LOVE it's really hard to say that I loved like Christ loves. I did many loving things for my husband, but did I truly love my spouse the way God intended?
The description of love found in 1 Corinthians 13 is the love of Christ. It is impossible for any of us to love another in this way all the time. This is perfect love, and only Christ is perfect. But this is the kind of love that we should strive to give every day. We will only be able to do this if we allow God to change us.
This is the way we are called to be....this is how we are supposed to love. By hoping, persevering, and never giving up! We may have failed yesterday, but it is not too late to work on these things. When we stood at the altar we said we would LOVE forever, "'til death do us part." Do you know what love is? Have the last couple of weeks given it a better picture? For Josh and I it sure has......Love ALWAYS protects, ALWAYS trusts, ALWAYS hopes, ALWAYS perseveres, and it NEVER fails.
We might sound like a broken record, but you cannot FAIL unless you give up. Standing for your marriage will NEVER fail as LOVE never fails. Unconditional love means that you love with a love that understands that you may not receive the same level of commitment. If you are the one who has a spouse gone, distant, or cold....you are NOT receiving the same level of commitment BUT your calling has never changed. We are called to LOVE.
I have failed my husband in the past. I hurt him without realizing it. I honestly felt that I was the best wife I could be but when I compare myself to the days of looking at LOVE it's really hard to say that I loved like Christ loves. I did many loving things for my husband, but did I truly love my spouse the way God intended?
The description of love found in 1 Corinthians 13 is the love of Christ. It is impossible for any of us to love another in this way all the time. This is perfect love, and only Christ is perfect. But this is the kind of love that we should strive to give every day. We will only be able to do this if we allow God to change us.
All standers are believing and praying for the restoration of their marriage. When God brings your prodigal home do you want to make the same mistakes? Do you ever want to go through this again? Do you want to put your children through this again? Of course not! Humble yourself before God. Continually ask God to breath revelation into your life. Ask Him to continue to help you LOVE the way God intends.
We are not trying to diminish the wrongs done to you by your spouse but we cannot focus on them. We have to lay those wrongs at the foot of the cross and let them go once and for all. Has your marriage gotten better trying to change the other person? Have you seen that it doesn't matter WHAT they do they will not be perfect, just as you aren't? We have to learn to love God's way, even if we feel that they will continue to fail us and hurt us and even if our spouse doesn't return the same level of commitment and love. You can continue to pray for your spouse and let God do any changing that needs to be done in them. He is much better at it than we are.
You can't go wrong with Milk and Pancakes...........
Got Milk?
Josh and Serena
Friday, May 20, 2011
Recipe for Pancakes-Part 15
Today's post may be one of the most pivotal points in the passage about love we have been studying.
Love never fails! (exclamation point added by us...we think it should be!!)
The Word speaks for itself. Love NEVER fails. Really, we could post it now and be done. It sums up itself. Love NEVER fails!!
This word "fails" means to fall out of, fall down from, or fall off. It also means to perish. Love NEVER falls under its load. It NEVER falls from it stance for the one it has bestowed its affections upon. It NEVER falls off of covering its partner. Love NEVER dies.
We have said it before and we will say it some more. You might get tired of hearing us say it....so? We believe it so we say it. YOU WILL ONLY FAIL IF YOU QUIT STANDING!!
So, here is the question...are you filled with love? If you are not filled with love, you will quit standing. However, if you are filled with love, you CANNOT quit! Love will not let you! We are not saying that you won't want to give up and call it quits. You just might...maybe even every day. But, when you have been filled with love....God's love, that is...something stirs deep within you that motivates and inspires you to keep going.
If love NEVER fails (never falls or dies) it would indicate that love NEVER loses!! Love wins...but not like Rob Bell describes. Love wins for two reasons:
1. Love wins because it does not fall from its position.
2. Love wins because it will live longer than any opponent.
Love wins by default. It is only us that lose because we stop loving. But, when love wins no one loses. When love wins your pride dies. When love wins your feelings do not determine your actions. When love wins you become the person that the Father has been trying to make all along. When love wins it is no longer a requirement for your spouse to change; you will love regardless of the pain. When love wins God is glorified.
And that is the point of it all, isn't it?
Josh and Serena
Love never fails! (exclamation point added by us...we think it should be!!)
The Word speaks for itself. Love NEVER fails. Really, we could post it now and be done. It sums up itself. Love NEVER fails!!
This word "fails" means to fall out of, fall down from, or fall off. It also means to perish. Love NEVER falls under its load. It NEVER falls from it stance for the one it has bestowed its affections upon. It NEVER falls off of covering its partner. Love NEVER dies.
We have said it before and we will say it some more. You might get tired of hearing us say it....so? We believe it so we say it. YOU WILL ONLY FAIL IF YOU QUIT STANDING!!
So, here is the question...are you filled with love? If you are not filled with love, you will quit standing. However, if you are filled with love, you CANNOT quit! Love will not let you! We are not saying that you won't want to give up and call it quits. You just might...maybe even every day. But, when you have been filled with love....God's love, that is...something stirs deep within you that motivates and inspires you to keep going.
If love NEVER fails (never falls or dies) it would indicate that love NEVER loses!! Love wins...but not like Rob Bell describes. Love wins for two reasons:
1. Love wins because it does not fall from its position.
2. Love wins because it will live longer than any opponent.
Love wins by default. It is only us that lose because we stop loving. But, when love wins no one loses. When love wins your pride dies. When love wins your feelings do not determine your actions. When love wins you become the person that the Father has been trying to make all along. When love wins it is no longer a requirement for your spouse to change; you will love regardless of the pain. When love wins God is glorified.
And that is the point of it all, isn't it?
Josh and Serena
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Recipe for Pancakes-Part 14
Love endures all things.
Paul is indicating an active, vigorous endurance, not a passive, resigned acceptance of all that happens. We often talk about the "fight" for our marriage. When we use these terms we are envisioning the soldier who battles on no matter the opposition or the outcome. Josh's favorite movies are always when the solider fights to the end. He endures a lot, but he fights with purpose. He has passion. He does not allow the difficulties of the moment to rob him of strength and purpose; he fights on unflinchingly.
So it is with love. Love's endurance is a positive and proactive acceptance of life with all its difficulties, not a passive attitude. It doesn't have to mean you sit around hoping things will change and doing nothing. Many of you have read the story of the FIGHT for Josh. I didn't sit quietly hoping things would be different. Love does more than put up with life's hardship; it grows and develops as it struggles against them. Love sees problems positively, everything can be a teaching moment. When Josh was gone I knew that it was better that we faced this mess NOW, then have to face it in 10 more years!!! Life has problems; love determines how we are going to endure.
Love is not putting up with a difficult relationship or situation, enduring it, persevering with it because you "think" it is the right thing to do. Love is not something that you can think about or reason out the "right" answer. You have to ask yourself and know for yourself...is it the right thing? Have you asked God; what did He say about it? Have you looked the Scripture on what God is telling you?
Persevering and enduring love has the backbone of courage. That kind of love enables us to have the courage to endure and succeed in the face of all that is painful. We don't pretend that what you may be experiencing is not painful. To have your "one flesh" trying to rip you apart....Ouch! Courage is the inner power to resist the painful experiences of life by facing up to the evil that attacks us and not surrendering. NO SURRENDER! . "Be strong and courageous" is the exhortation of Moses to Joshua, accompanied by the promise, "the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you." (Deuteronomy 31:6-8) Love is strong and courageous because God goes with us and will never forsake us. We are not alone. God the Omnipotent, the Almighty, is with us. That has to be encouraging!!
Over the last couple of weeks we have looked at Jesus, the perfect picture of love--the perfect example. Jesus endured to the end. His courage during torture, agony, betrayal, rejection and eventually His death. Did He ever wish that He didn't have to endure it...of course! BUT, He knew His Father's will--in His pain he never tried to escape or find a "loophole." He told His disciples what to expect; He knew what He would face. He was doing the Father's Will--no matter the persecution or injustice.
We are called to face our difficulties in the same manner. When we seek to follow Him, we gain His courageous love. We know many people that say, "But I don't think I could do that; I don't think I can continue enduring the pain and suffering." We understand; we get it. But, learn to draw on Jesus's courageous love to persevere in the face of suffering. See beyond the trials to the victory. You must get yourself to the place where you focus on the goal. Face your trials from a place of victory, not defeat.
"Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage, be strong. Do everything in love." (1 Corinthians 16:13,14)
Love without strength is worthless; strength without love is only aggressive. The combination of the two is a twofold cord which cannot be broken. If I had fed Josh milk and pancakes with only a strength and stubborness to do what was I thought was right, I believe he would have seen right through it. To endure trials you must have strength, but to have strength with no love....it's useless. We are called to be men and women of courage, to be strong, to do everything in love. What a high calling this is.
To be a Christian in these terms is to be someone of consequence, someone who will accomplish something important. It is a noble calling of heroic dimensions. There is nothing wimpy about it. Love that always perseveres resonates with strength. When people see you loving in this manner they will say, "Wow, you are really strong!" but in reality you would like to cry out, "Okay, but I don't WANT to be strong." Persevering love HAS to be strong; there is no other way to endure. We make excuses for ourselves so that we can under-perform in the battles of life. We are capable of more than we know when we are put to the test. All too often the battles are lost because we give up loving too soon. Picture the cross...Christ NEVER gave up. His eye was on the goal...our salvation!
Love always perseveres in order to avoid the dishonor of letting someone else down who is depending on us, who believes in us, for whom we are the hands and heart of Christ. During the few moments during Josh's absence that I would see a glimmer of hope I knew I was seeing that Christ's love WAS working. Our children were also learning valuable lessons. I loved from a place of victory. Love does not walk away from commitments when it would be easy, reasonable, and even justified to do so. Love endures to the end. The world has a lot of starters but very few finishers. Love finishes the race. Love does not give up. Love does not quit. Love perseveres in the battle against evil because it wants to win the victory.
Paul is indicating an active, vigorous endurance, not a passive, resigned acceptance of all that happens. We often talk about the "fight" for our marriage. When we use these terms we are envisioning the soldier who battles on no matter the opposition or the outcome. Josh's favorite movies are always when the solider fights to the end. He endures a lot, but he fights with purpose. He has passion. He does not allow the difficulties of the moment to rob him of strength and purpose; he fights on unflinchingly.
So it is with love. Love's endurance is a positive and proactive acceptance of life with all its difficulties, not a passive attitude. It doesn't have to mean you sit around hoping things will change and doing nothing. Many of you have read the story of the FIGHT for Josh. I didn't sit quietly hoping things would be different. Love does more than put up with life's hardship; it grows and develops as it struggles against them. Love sees problems positively, everything can be a teaching moment. When Josh was gone I knew that it was better that we faced this mess NOW, then have to face it in 10 more years!!! Life has problems; love determines how we are going to endure.
Love is not putting up with a difficult relationship or situation, enduring it, persevering with it because you "think" it is the right thing to do. Love is not something that you can think about or reason out the "right" answer. You have to ask yourself and know for yourself...is it the right thing? Have you asked God; what did He say about it? Have you looked the Scripture on what God is telling you?
Persevering and enduring love has the backbone of courage. That kind of love enables us to have the courage to endure and succeed in the face of all that is painful. We don't pretend that what you may be experiencing is not painful. To have your "one flesh" trying to rip you apart....Ouch! Courage is the inner power to resist the painful experiences of life by facing up to the evil that attacks us and not surrendering. NO SURRENDER! . "Be strong and courageous" is the exhortation of Moses to Joshua, accompanied by the promise, "the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you." (Deuteronomy 31:6-8) Love is strong and courageous because God goes with us and will never forsake us. We are not alone. God the Omnipotent, the Almighty, is with us. That has to be encouraging!!
Over the last couple of weeks we have looked at Jesus, the perfect picture of love--the perfect example. Jesus endured to the end. His courage during torture, agony, betrayal, rejection and eventually His death. Did He ever wish that He didn't have to endure it...of course! BUT, He knew His Father's will--in His pain he never tried to escape or find a "loophole." He told His disciples what to expect; He knew what He would face. He was doing the Father's Will--no matter the persecution or injustice.
We are called to face our difficulties in the same manner. When we seek to follow Him, we gain His courageous love. We know many people that say, "But I don't think I could do that; I don't think I can continue enduring the pain and suffering." We understand; we get it. But, learn to draw on Jesus's courageous love to persevere in the face of suffering. See beyond the trials to the victory. You must get yourself to the place where you focus on the goal. Face your trials from a place of victory, not defeat.
"Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage, be strong. Do everything in love." (1 Corinthians 16:13,14)
Love without strength is worthless; strength without love is only aggressive. The combination of the two is a twofold cord which cannot be broken. If I had fed Josh milk and pancakes with only a strength and stubborness to do what was I thought was right, I believe he would have seen right through it. To endure trials you must have strength, but to have strength with no love....it's useless. We are called to be men and women of courage, to be strong, to do everything in love. What a high calling this is.
To be a Christian in these terms is to be someone of consequence, someone who will accomplish something important. It is a noble calling of heroic dimensions. There is nothing wimpy about it. Love that always perseveres resonates with strength. When people see you loving in this manner they will say, "Wow, you are really strong!" but in reality you would like to cry out, "Okay, but I don't WANT to be strong." Persevering love HAS to be strong; there is no other way to endure. We make excuses for ourselves so that we can under-perform in the battles of life. We are capable of more than we know when we are put to the test. All too often the battles are lost because we give up loving too soon. Picture the cross...Christ NEVER gave up. His eye was on the goal...our salvation!
Love always perseveres in order to avoid the dishonor of letting someone else down who is depending on us, who believes in us, for whom we are the hands and heart of Christ. During the few moments during Josh's absence that I would see a glimmer of hope I knew I was seeing that Christ's love WAS working. Our children were also learning valuable lessons. I loved from a place of victory. Love does not walk away from commitments when it would be easy, reasonable, and even justified to do so. Love endures to the end. The world has a lot of starters but very few finishers. Love finishes the race. Love does not give up. Love does not quit. Love perseveres in the battle against evil because it wants to win the victory.
"He who stands firm to the end WILL be saved." (Matthew 10:22;24:13)
Josh and Serena
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Recipe for Pancakes-Part 13
Now, that we have covered and protected our spouses and have believed who they are when God is through with them, it is time to put action to it.
Love hopes all things.
This phrase means to put trust in. It is faith in action. It is one thing to say you believe who they are in Christ; it is something different to put trust in that person, not what they are acting like but who they actually are in Christ.
OK...this might sound kind of crazy but everything that this passage of Scripture has pushed us toward has sounded crazy. I guess that is just agap'e....crazy God love. So hear it goes...this means to put all your eggs in one basket! And not your basket...God's basket!
Let me explain...when we come to the saving knowledge of Jesus, He expects us to put all of our hope in Him. He is to be the source of everything for us. The source of our dreams, our aspirations, our desires, our faith, our abilities...basically, our life. He is to be everything. Jesus wants all of our eggs in His basket. This means your spouse, as well.
How does this apply to our marriages? Well, I believe that it means to always set yourself up for witnessing the best in your spouse. Not the best that your spouse can be on their own but the best that they can be through Christ. It is easy to get your hopes up and feel completely crushed when that person (the physical person before your eyes) lets you down. But, when your hope has been put in Jesus and what He can do with them, it is much harder to be...dare I say, impossible...to be let down by the person that He is still making.
Yes, we know this goes against our natural way of thinking and reasoning but all of these love traits have. Should we go easy on ourselves now? We have come so far and put up with so much that it would be easier to finish it and see what God will do than for us to throw in the towel.
When we see our spouse not acting the way that we have believed them to be it should not be a source of discouragement. Them acting out the way they are is only a sign to us that God is still working on them. Or maybe He is still working on us...getting us to the place that we fully trust and hope in Him.
Isn't that the point that He is trying to get us to? To fully trust and hope in Him...through our expression of love to our spouses.
And you thought that this love thing was about changing your spouse?
Josh and Serena
Love hopes all things.
This phrase means to put trust in. It is faith in action. It is one thing to say you believe who they are in Christ; it is something different to put trust in that person, not what they are acting like but who they actually are in Christ.
OK...this might sound kind of crazy but everything that this passage of Scripture has pushed us toward has sounded crazy. I guess that is just agap'e....crazy God love. So hear it goes...this means to put all your eggs in one basket! And not your basket...God's basket!
Let me explain...when we come to the saving knowledge of Jesus, He expects us to put all of our hope in Him. He is to be the source of everything for us. The source of our dreams, our aspirations, our desires, our faith, our abilities...basically, our life. He is to be everything. Jesus wants all of our eggs in His basket. This means your spouse, as well.
How does this apply to our marriages? Well, I believe that it means to always set yourself up for witnessing the best in your spouse. Not the best that your spouse can be on their own but the best that they can be through Christ. It is easy to get your hopes up and feel completely crushed when that person (the physical person before your eyes) lets you down. But, when your hope has been put in Jesus and what He can do with them, it is much harder to be...dare I say, impossible...to be let down by the person that He is still making.
Yes, we know this goes against our natural way of thinking and reasoning but all of these love traits have. Should we go easy on ourselves now? We have come so far and put up with so much that it would be easier to finish it and see what God will do than for us to throw in the towel.
When we see our spouse not acting the way that we have believed them to be it should not be a source of discouragement. Them acting out the way they are is only a sign to us that God is still working on them. Or maybe He is still working on us...getting us to the place that we fully trust and hope in Him.
Isn't that the point that He is trying to get us to? To fully trust and hope in Him...through our expression of love to our spouses.
Philippians 1:6
And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you,
will continue his work until it is finally finished
on the day when Christ Jesus returns.
And you thought that this love thing was about changing your spouse?
Josh and Serena
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Recipe for Pancakes-Part 12
Going deeper requires more of God to continue the journey.
Love believes all things...
This phrase transitions us beautifully from bearing (covering/ protecting) the faults and sins of our spouse into believing the truth about them. Basically, we are protecting the person that they are but have not become yet from the person that they currently are.
This word "believes" typically refers to the faith that one puts in Jesus Christ...you know, saving faith. The faith that we are saved with is the greatest act of faith that we will ever exercise. That kind of faith says that all that you have done and ever will do against God, who you have never seen or talked to before, has been wiped clean because of what another man, that claimed to be God in the flesh, did on a cross 2000+ years ago. Kind of wild to think about it like that but it's true none the less.
So, who is your spouse? Don't ask what have they done. Who they are and what they are doing is not the same thing. In order to believe all things you must move beyond what you are currently witnessing. To believe you don't use your eyes or your heart; you use His eyes and His heart.
So, who does God see your spouse as being? Is he the righteous man that stands in the face if evil and does not flinch? Not yet? Don't worry; God is still working on him. Look at him with God's eyes; see him now? Is she the virtuous woman that stands by your side as you walk the path set before you? Not yet? Not to fret; God is still working on her. Look at her with God's eyes; see her now?
In Judges 6, we find the story of Gideon. Gideon is one of the most prominent stories of someone who did not see what God saw. When the angel addressed Gideon, he called him "mighty man of God." That was not how he saw himself. But, after he began to see what God saw he was able to act according to that identity.
How you see your spouse and how you treat them will directly affect the outcome of your marriage. If you see them and treat them as the immoral, inconsiderate person that they are acting like---it is who they remain. But, if you see them and treat them as the honorable, righteous child of God that they truly are they will begin to change.
Don't be disheartened if they don't change overnight. What you see is not what you get....because faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not yet seen...Hebrews 11:1
Josh and Serena
Love believes all things...
This phrase transitions us beautifully from bearing (covering/ protecting) the faults and sins of our spouse into believing the truth about them. Basically, we are protecting the person that they are but have not become yet from the person that they currently are.
This word "believes" typically refers to the faith that one puts in Jesus Christ...you know, saving faith. The faith that we are saved with is the greatest act of faith that we will ever exercise. That kind of faith says that all that you have done and ever will do against God, who you have never seen or talked to before, has been wiped clean because of what another man, that claimed to be God in the flesh, did on a cross 2000+ years ago. Kind of wild to think about it like that but it's true none the less.
So, who is your spouse? Don't ask what have they done. Who they are and what they are doing is not the same thing. In order to believe all things you must move beyond what you are currently witnessing. To believe you don't use your eyes or your heart; you use His eyes and His heart.
So, who does God see your spouse as being? Is he the righteous man that stands in the face if evil and does not flinch? Not yet? Don't worry; God is still working on him. Look at him with God's eyes; see him now? Is she the virtuous woman that stands by your side as you walk the path set before you? Not yet? Not to fret; God is still working on her. Look at her with God's eyes; see her now?
In Judges 6, we find the story of Gideon. Gideon is one of the most prominent stories of someone who did not see what God saw. When the angel addressed Gideon, he called him "mighty man of God." That was not how he saw himself. But, after he began to see what God saw he was able to act according to that identity.
How you see your spouse and how you treat them will directly affect the outcome of your marriage. If you see them and treat them as the immoral, inconsiderate person that they are acting like---it is who they remain. But, if you see them and treat them as the honorable, righteous child of God that they truly are they will begin to change.
Don't be disheartened if they don't change overnight. What you see is not what you get....because faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not yet seen...Hebrews 11:1
Josh and Serena
Monday, May 16, 2011
Recipe for Pancakes-Part 11
We pray that as you read some of the earlier posts in this series the Holy Spirit spoke to you and gave you some practical ways to show your spouse the way that the Father loves them through you. Maybe they were not exactly what you had in mind...we are sure that they required a lot out of you...but, none the less, they were practical things. And we are praying that you would see the fruit of His love evident in your life and marriage.
However, now as we progress through these last few phrases you will see that the beginning of this passage was only setting us up to make even more sacrifices in order to be conduits of His love.
Love bears all things...
And you thought the beginning of this passage called for some extreme love. The earlier parts of this passage were small potatoes compared to the gravity of these last few lines. This will be where the rubber meets the road.
This words "bears" in many cases and in our language would mean "to carry." When it is used in this passage it has a different meaning. And therein lies our problem...
It means "to cover, to protect, to keep secret or conceal (the faults of others)". It also means "by covering to keep something off that threatens, to bear up against, hold out against, or endure."
What kind of position does this put you in?
It puts you in the most dangerous of positions for the one you love. This is standing in harm's way for your spouse. This is you getting in between your spouse and that which would threaten to harm them and YOU taking the hit.
This love business is getting really messy! This type of extreme love is not talked about, not fully disclosed, and rarely mentioned in our churches, to say nothing of our premarital counseling. Even our wedding vows don't even speak to this depth of love. "For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live" is about the extent of them. What if we were to put in there, "when harm comes I will stand between you and the threat and cover you even if it means my own harm"? This is an extreme view that we really don't want to hear.
We see this illustrated in the Word of God many times. If you read Numbers 16, you find the story of leaders of Israel inciting a revolt against Moses and Aaron. After God removed those guilty, the rest of the camp begins to murmur against Moses and Aaron. God's anger blazed and began to kill the Israelites. Moses, because he loved God's people even when they were speaking against him, told Aaron to grab the incense burners and stand between God and Israel and purify them with incense. In verse 48, it says that Aaron stood between the living and the dead and the plague stopped. Would you be willing to stand between God and your spouse in order to save them?
We also see Jesus do this for us. Jesus took His place on the cross to satisfy the debt of sin that we owed to God. He willingly stood between God and us and took the full force of the punishment for sin. Why? Because of His great love for us He stood in harm's way. Never flinching, always concealing us from the wrath of the Almighty God, and faithfully protecting us when we wanted nothing to do with Him.
You may or may not have heard about how this type of love has been acted out in our world today. In the aftermath of the tornadoes that struck the south recently is a story of a father that covered his family. As they were all huddled in the home this father of 13 children protected them with his own body from the violence of the storm. His oldest son witnessed his father's extreme sacrifice as he laid down his life covering his family. This father did not worry about his own safety but willingly bore the full weight of the storm for those he loved. Sounds a little like Jesus, huh?
We have said it before in earlier posts that this was something that Serena did for me as I was wandering from my place. Many people wanted to know specifics about me and what I was doing but she refused to give them anything. She covered me in prayer, protected me and my reputation, and kept me well hidden from potential threats that wanted to do me harm. By her stance in this matter, I was able to eventually rebuild bridges that I had tried to burn. Her protection allowed me to, in time, become fully restored to her, my family, my church, and in my ministry. Because she did not lay my iniquity bare and let God have His way with me, I am....excuse me...WE are where we are today.
So, what does this mean for each of us? Well, to start it means that we are very cautious about who we share our marital problems with. This cannot be emphasized strongly enough. Too often we share too much detail about our problems with too many people. When it gets passed from you to others not relevant to the issue it passes from prayer request to gossip. God has given YOU the grace to deal with the situation; not your neighbor, or your best friend, or you parents, or your kids (oh, please, do not make your kids choose sides!), or your coworkers. Only involve those that you know will cover your spouse with you. That should be a very short list. Those that you share with should be people of great prayer that will intercede with you but will also demand accountability from you.
Covering your spouse would also include not speaking about them in a negative way in front of people. Yea, lots of people may know their deeds because they have not kept them secret. That does not give you license to speak about them or their deeds and cause judgment to be brought against them. We forget that they are our own flesh and blood. We have a covenant with them that does not allow for our separation until death. Therefore, when you begin to speak negativity and curses on them, you speak them on yourself. Remember...you are no longer two but one flesh!!
When you feel as though you cannot keep this covering over your spouse with your own strength, ask the Father for help. According to the Word of God, we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. So, stop trying to cover them and protect them in your own power; let Christ cover them through you.
Josh and Serena
However, now as we progress through these last few phrases you will see that the beginning of this passage was only setting us up to make even more sacrifices in order to be conduits of His love.
Love bears all things...
And you thought the beginning of this passage called for some extreme love. The earlier parts of this passage were small potatoes compared to the gravity of these last few lines. This will be where the rubber meets the road.
This words "bears" in many cases and in our language would mean "to carry." When it is used in this passage it has a different meaning. And therein lies our problem...
It means "to cover, to protect, to keep secret or conceal (the faults of others)". It also means "by covering to keep something off that threatens, to bear up against, hold out against, or endure."
What kind of position does this put you in?
It puts you in the most dangerous of positions for the one you love. This is standing in harm's way for your spouse. This is you getting in between your spouse and that which would threaten to harm them and YOU taking the hit.
This love business is getting really messy! This type of extreme love is not talked about, not fully disclosed, and rarely mentioned in our churches, to say nothing of our premarital counseling. Even our wedding vows don't even speak to this depth of love. "For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live" is about the extent of them. What if we were to put in there, "when harm comes I will stand between you and the threat and cover you even if it means my own harm"? This is an extreme view that we really don't want to hear.
We see this illustrated in the Word of God many times. If you read Numbers 16, you find the story of leaders of Israel inciting a revolt against Moses and Aaron. After God removed those guilty, the rest of the camp begins to murmur against Moses and Aaron. God's anger blazed and began to kill the Israelites. Moses, because he loved God's people even when they were speaking against him, told Aaron to grab the incense burners and stand between God and Israel and purify them with incense. In verse 48, it says that Aaron stood between the living and the dead and the plague stopped. Would you be willing to stand between God and your spouse in order to save them?
We also see Jesus do this for us. Jesus took His place on the cross to satisfy the debt of sin that we owed to God. He willingly stood between God and us and took the full force of the punishment for sin. Why? Because of His great love for us He stood in harm's way. Never flinching, always concealing us from the wrath of the Almighty God, and faithfully protecting us when we wanted nothing to do with Him.
You may or may not have heard about how this type of love has been acted out in our world today. In the aftermath of the tornadoes that struck the south recently is a story of a father that covered his family. As they were all huddled in the home this father of 13 children protected them with his own body from the violence of the storm. His oldest son witnessed his father's extreme sacrifice as he laid down his life covering his family. This father did not worry about his own safety but willingly bore the full weight of the storm for those he loved. Sounds a little like Jesus, huh?
We have said it before in earlier posts that this was something that Serena did for me as I was wandering from my place. Many people wanted to know specifics about me and what I was doing but she refused to give them anything. She covered me in prayer, protected me and my reputation, and kept me well hidden from potential threats that wanted to do me harm. By her stance in this matter, I was able to eventually rebuild bridges that I had tried to burn. Her protection allowed me to, in time, become fully restored to her, my family, my church, and in my ministry. Because she did not lay my iniquity bare and let God have His way with me, I am....excuse me...WE are where we are today.
So, what does this mean for each of us? Well, to start it means that we are very cautious about who we share our marital problems with. This cannot be emphasized strongly enough. Too often we share too much detail about our problems with too many people. When it gets passed from you to others not relevant to the issue it passes from prayer request to gossip. God has given YOU the grace to deal with the situation; not your neighbor, or your best friend, or you parents, or your kids (oh, please, do not make your kids choose sides!), or your coworkers. Only involve those that you know will cover your spouse with you. That should be a very short list. Those that you share with should be people of great prayer that will intercede with you but will also demand accountability from you.
Covering your spouse would also include not speaking about them in a negative way in front of people. Yea, lots of people may know their deeds because they have not kept them secret. That does not give you license to speak about them or their deeds and cause judgment to be brought against them. We forget that they are our own flesh and blood. We have a covenant with them that does not allow for our separation until death. Therefore, when you begin to speak negativity and curses on them, you speak them on yourself. Remember...you are no longer two but one flesh!!
When you feel as though you cannot keep this covering over your spouse with your own strength, ask the Father for help. According to the Word of God, we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. So, stop trying to cover them and protect them in your own power; let Christ cover them through you.
1 Peter 4:8
Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other,
for love covers a multitude of sins.
Josh and Serena
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Recipe for Pancakes-Part 10
Love...does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in the truth.
So, this one about delighting in evil may not be understood by everyone because it seems a bit over the top. Let's look at the first part of this verse...does not rejoice in iniquity. (Iniquity means acts of unrighteousness...basically, evil or sin)
I don't believe that I have ever delighted in evil, BUT maybe we don't know what evil is to God? Many times we are blind to God's truth. Could this be the case? We may not knowingly delight in evil but we may not know what we have allowed ourselves to find delight in what GOD sees as evil?
We like to justify our behavior...that we had a "right" to feel a certain way. Hmm...yes, now THAT sounds more like something I have done. Delighting myself in the justification of my own attitudes. If I didn't meet up to the true definition of love I am SURE it wasn't MY fault...it HAD to be Josh's! Sound familiar? Maybe just to me?
Another way to look at it is this...suppose you are at work and your coworker gets called out by the boss for something that they did. Maybe not out loud but inside you are rather pleased. Why? Because HE got in trouble, not YOU. And because he took the brunt of the boss's anger you, in turn, look so much better. Maybe now is a good time to ask for that raise?
Now, apply this to your spouse...do you rejoice when they fall and receive the consequences of their actions? Is "I told you so!" a common phrase that you use in your arguments to make your point?
This phrase that we are looking at is a little better explained by The Message translation. It says, "Love doesn't revel when others grovel..." Do you sit up high on your holier-than-thou throne as your spouse grovels for forgiveness? If you answered "YES!!", now might be a good time to go back and read Part 5 of this series. (It talks about pride and boasting...)
Now, for the other half...but rejoices in truth. Here the New Living Translation speaks volumes. It says, "but rejoices whenever truth wins out." Rejoicing over the truth winning is not the same as rejoicing in one's iniquity.
When truth wins it is a glorious day! Past hurts and offenses are forgiven because truth won! Healing and wholeness comes in wave after rolling wave because truth won! This is the day of the big payoff...because truth won! All of the prayers...all of the fasting...all of the intercession...all of the tears that were shed...all of the injustices endured were all worth it because truth won! This is the day you have been waiting for...for truth to win.
Rejoicing over the iniquity and sins of your spouse will be a very lonely party...you will probably be the only one to show up. God won't be there. But, when rejoicing over the truth having won...now that is a party that God will attend and the world will come to witness. For the impossible will have been accomplished! That which everyone said could not be restored will have been paid back to you with restitution made! All of the one's that spoke negativity and death to your marriage....will stand in awe and be left speechless. You stood on the truth of God's Word when everyone else decided to stand on the opinion of the world. I dare you to try and see who the last one standing is....
TRUTH WINS!!! EVERYTIME!!!
Josh and Serena
So, this one about delighting in evil may not be understood by everyone because it seems a bit over the top. Let's look at the first part of this verse...does not rejoice in iniquity. (Iniquity means acts of unrighteousness...basically, evil or sin)
I don't believe that I have ever delighted in evil, BUT maybe we don't know what evil is to God? Many times we are blind to God's truth. Could this be the case? We may not knowingly delight in evil but we may not know what we have allowed ourselves to find delight in what GOD sees as evil?
We like to justify our behavior...that we had a "right" to feel a certain way. Hmm...yes, now THAT sounds more like something I have done. Delighting myself in the justification of my own attitudes. If I didn't meet up to the true definition of love I am SURE it wasn't MY fault...it HAD to be Josh's! Sound familiar? Maybe just to me?
Another way to look at it is this...suppose you are at work and your coworker gets called out by the boss for something that they did. Maybe not out loud but inside you are rather pleased. Why? Because HE got in trouble, not YOU. And because he took the brunt of the boss's anger you, in turn, look so much better. Maybe now is a good time to ask for that raise?
Now, apply this to your spouse...do you rejoice when they fall and receive the consequences of their actions? Is "I told you so!" a common phrase that you use in your arguments to make your point?
This phrase that we are looking at is a little better explained by The Message translation. It says, "Love doesn't revel when others grovel..." Do you sit up high on your holier-than-thou throne as your spouse grovels for forgiveness? If you answered "YES!!", now might be a good time to go back and read Part 5 of this series. (It talks about pride and boasting...)
Now, for the other half...but rejoices in truth. Here the New Living Translation speaks volumes. It says, "but rejoices whenever truth wins out." Rejoicing over the truth winning is not the same as rejoicing in one's iniquity.
When truth wins it is a glorious day! Past hurts and offenses are forgiven because truth won! Healing and wholeness comes in wave after rolling wave because truth won! This is the day of the big payoff...because truth won! All of the prayers...all of the fasting...all of the intercession...all of the tears that were shed...all of the injustices endured were all worth it because truth won! This is the day you have been waiting for...for truth to win.
Rejoicing over the iniquity and sins of your spouse will be a very lonely party...you will probably be the only one to show up. God won't be there. But, when rejoicing over the truth having won...now that is a party that God will attend and the world will come to witness. For the impossible will have been accomplished! That which everyone said could not be restored will have been paid back to you with restitution made! All of the one's that spoke negativity and death to your marriage....will stand in awe and be left speechless. You stood on the truth of God's Word when everyone else decided to stand on the opinion of the world. I dare you to try and see who the last one standing is....
TRUTH WINS!!! EVERYTIME!!!
Josh and Serena
Saturday, May 14, 2011
My Place is Here
Here is something that I felt very impressed to share with you today.
I had a very interesting conversation with my mom today. It wasn't the subject so much that grabbed my attention; it was what my mom told me about my grandmother that struck me.
Some back story first...my mom's parents are both in their 80's. They have been married what would seem like forever to most of us. They met through my grandmother's brother who was serving in the army with my grandfather. They began writing to each other having never met face to face. Long story short...they eventually got married and had 4 children. My grandparents were never ones to be consumed with the need to have lots of "things"; they knew how to get by with what they had. My grandpa worked as a janitor at a local school for many years. They were always faithful in their tithes and giving from their meager resources.
During their marriage and life, my grandpa was diagnosed with some rather severe mental problems. In fact, the doctors brought my grandma divorce papers to sign while he was still in the hospital. They just assumed she would be filing. She refused. It was never talked about much, but as a kid I remember hearing stories of issues that they had dealt with in the past.
After my grandpa retired from the school (about 20 years ago), he began to slowly degrade mentally and physically. The chores and things that he did out of ritual slowly began to get pushed aside. He had always been strong and able-bodied but began to become weak. Every time that he became sick from a cold or something minor, it felt as though that "this might be the time." A 6ft plus man in his prime has been reduced to a walker that barely gets him around. A wheelchair is often easier to move him around. Recently, he has taken a turn for the much worse. He has become to much for my grandma to care for. He was admitted to the VA Hospital near his home and has been accepted into a short-term care facility that specializes in patients with dementia. It is sad to see him slowly become so helpless.
But, what struck me today was this...as time has progressed my grandpa has become more and more difficult to care for at his home. When he sleeps he is very agitated, has night terrors, falls out of bed...basically, does not have very good nights. Which also means that his wife, grandma, has very bad nights. My mom said that she was becoming very haggard looking due to so little sleep. (As a bit of more information, my parents and grandparents live together. My grandparents moved in with my family a few years after grandpa retired.) My mom suggested that grandma come and sleep in another room in the house so that she could get some sleep.
My grandma's response will stick with me forever, I think!
She said, "No...my place is here."
Her place was with her husband that, because of his failing mental capacities, is causing her to have poor nights. Her place was to stay with this man, that she pledged her love to many years ago, not knowing that this would be the end. Her place was to endure whatever this stage of her life brought to her. Her place is with her husband in their bed...together to the end. Her place was a place of sacrifice for the one she loved. Her place was there even when it is not what she signed up for.
How cheap does your love feel right about now? I feel ashamed that I would even question or doubt if I could endure what I have seen my grandma endure. Yes, I would stick with Serena to even the most horrible of imaginable endings to our life. But, there is that twinge of doubt..."Could I really do that?" My grandma would probably say that it is not a big deal.
But, it is a big deal. IT'S A HUGE DEAL!! We view our marriages as some sort of disposable commodity that we can discard as soon as the relationship becomes a little too unsatisfactory for our taste. Because we feel as though we are no longer being fulfilled by the parameters of our marriage, we reason that it is OK to look somewhere else for that fulfillment. We have cheapened the institution of marriage by becoming so fickle in our affections. No longer is it "until death do us part" it is more close to "until no longer we feel like it."
This blog is not about somehow finding the magic key to making marriage everything that it is supposed to be; it's about us (Serena, myself, and all of you) wrestling with the Scriptures, listening to the Holy Spirit, and then putting our hands to the plow and not looking back and putting into practice what we have learned. It might take some blood...probably a lot of sweat....and a huge amount of tears but through our obedience and commitment we can make our marriages into what they were designed to do, that is...to glorify God!
So, keep standing...
Josh
I had a very interesting conversation with my mom today. It wasn't the subject so much that grabbed my attention; it was what my mom told me about my grandmother that struck me.
Some back story first...my mom's parents are both in their 80's. They have been married what would seem like forever to most of us. They met through my grandmother's brother who was serving in the army with my grandfather. They began writing to each other having never met face to face. Long story short...they eventually got married and had 4 children. My grandparents were never ones to be consumed with the need to have lots of "things"; they knew how to get by with what they had. My grandpa worked as a janitor at a local school for many years. They were always faithful in their tithes and giving from their meager resources.
During their marriage and life, my grandpa was diagnosed with some rather severe mental problems. In fact, the doctors brought my grandma divorce papers to sign while he was still in the hospital. They just assumed she would be filing. She refused. It was never talked about much, but as a kid I remember hearing stories of issues that they had dealt with in the past.
After my grandpa retired from the school (about 20 years ago), he began to slowly degrade mentally and physically. The chores and things that he did out of ritual slowly began to get pushed aside. He had always been strong and able-bodied but began to become weak. Every time that he became sick from a cold or something minor, it felt as though that "this might be the time." A 6ft plus man in his prime has been reduced to a walker that barely gets him around. A wheelchair is often easier to move him around. Recently, he has taken a turn for the much worse. He has become to much for my grandma to care for. He was admitted to the VA Hospital near his home and has been accepted into a short-term care facility that specializes in patients with dementia. It is sad to see him slowly become so helpless.
But, what struck me today was this...as time has progressed my grandpa has become more and more difficult to care for at his home. When he sleeps he is very agitated, has night terrors, falls out of bed...basically, does not have very good nights. Which also means that his wife, grandma, has very bad nights. My mom said that she was becoming very haggard looking due to so little sleep. (As a bit of more information, my parents and grandparents live together. My grandparents moved in with my family a few years after grandpa retired.) My mom suggested that grandma come and sleep in another room in the house so that she could get some sleep.
My grandma's response will stick with me forever, I think!
She said, "No...my place is here."
Her place was with her husband that, because of his failing mental capacities, is causing her to have poor nights. Her place was to stay with this man, that she pledged her love to many years ago, not knowing that this would be the end. Her place was to endure whatever this stage of her life brought to her. Her place is with her husband in their bed...together to the end. Her place was a place of sacrifice for the one she loved. Her place was there even when it is not what she signed up for.
How cheap does your love feel right about now? I feel ashamed that I would even question or doubt if I could endure what I have seen my grandma endure. Yes, I would stick with Serena to even the most horrible of imaginable endings to our life. But, there is that twinge of doubt..."Could I really do that?" My grandma would probably say that it is not a big deal.
But, it is a big deal. IT'S A HUGE DEAL!! We view our marriages as some sort of disposable commodity that we can discard as soon as the relationship becomes a little too unsatisfactory for our taste. Because we feel as though we are no longer being fulfilled by the parameters of our marriage, we reason that it is OK to look somewhere else for that fulfillment. We have cheapened the institution of marriage by becoming so fickle in our affections. No longer is it "until death do us part" it is more close to "until no longer we feel like it."
This blog is not about somehow finding the magic key to making marriage everything that it is supposed to be; it's about us (Serena, myself, and all of you) wrestling with the Scriptures, listening to the Holy Spirit, and then putting our hands to the plow and not looking back and putting into practice what we have learned. It might take some blood...probably a lot of sweat....and a huge amount of tears but through our obedience and commitment we can make our marriages into what they were designed to do, that is...to glorify God!
So, keep standing...
Josh
Thanks, Grandma, for standing.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Recipe for Pancakes-Part 9
Love...keeps no record of wrongs.
This ingredient has the potential to be one of the most beneficial things to your marriage and yet, also, one of the most damaging. This is all about complete forgiveness.
We have all done some stupid things or said some absolutely foolish statements. I know I have! Usually we know that they are not an appropriate reaction but we do or say it anyways. The moment it is performed or spoken it cannot be taken back. It is out there as a testament to who we really are...selfish, rude, hateful, prideful, or any other damaging character flaws that you can think of.
This phrase in the KJV is "thinks no evil." When properly translated it comes across as more of an accounting term. For example, if you logically reason and balance you checkbook and it says you have $25, you have $25. It basically means a logical conclusion based on facts present.
This applies to love like this....
Yes, you were wronged. Yes, he hurt you. Yes, she did you wrong. No one disputes the pain that you have experienced or feel. It is legitimate and justified. You are not to blame for this outcome. It is your right to feel slighted, abused, mistreated, and maligned. You can track in your mind, as if in a ledger, the times and dates of certain offenses. You can look back and see that they are in debt to you for the wrongs committed against you. It is a logical conclusion to feel the way you feel because of what you have gone through or are going through. You have reconciled your love checkbook and your spouse is in the red.
But, love...
Love looks at the balance owed and graciously covers the debt. It not only corrects the ledger to reflect no wrong doing but destroys all evidence of the offenses. Love does not look the other way but rather gazes into the face of the one that is loved and readily forgives ALL of their transgressions. Love is not ignorant of the offense; it simply chooses not to keep record of it. The offense is written down but love blots out the ledger so that the offense is no longer visible or recognizable.
Isn't this the picture of what Christ has done for us? The love which He is carried our debt of sin to the cross so that we would be removed from it. His love for us has blotted out ALL of our transgressions.
Keeping a record of wrongs is actually NOT something I (Serena) struggle with as much as some of the others. I remember things, yes, but Josh and I do NOT fight in this way. In the last 3 years we can count on one hand that our past has been brought up in a fight. I think it helps me to understand that I have one of those memories that files EVERYTHING; I don't forget much. But, bringing up past offenses...it's just not something that we do.
Do you use your past as a weapon? Do you reach in and, subconsciously, take out one of your weapons in order to fight your spouse? These weapons can be very effective at winning the battle, but what are you really trying to do? Are you trying to fight, and eventually win, against your spouse? Aren't you supposed to be on the same team, not trying to WIN? If you are waging war against your spouse you will eventually lose the war and the damage will affect you more than your spouse. Your heart will be filled with the anger and pain of unforgiveness, so much so, that when they say sorry--you can't forgive them, as your heart has gotten hard.
The only reason that we save anything is for the ability to use it again in the future. Why do you save your past tax returns? Just in case you get audited. Why do file away past offenses? Just in case the fight turns really ugly and you need to regain the upper hand. Sound about right?
Think about it like this...we have two choices. We can either file the offenses away to use them as a defense mechanism later or we can ask the Lord to recycle them and then He can use them for an entirely different purpose. That is what God does; He is in the business of redeeming lost, broken, and otherwise destroyed people and circumstances!
The root question...will you choose to forgive fully?
Josh and Serena
This ingredient has the potential to be one of the most beneficial things to your marriage and yet, also, one of the most damaging. This is all about complete forgiveness.
We have all done some stupid things or said some absolutely foolish statements. I know I have! Usually we know that they are not an appropriate reaction but we do or say it anyways. The moment it is performed or spoken it cannot be taken back. It is out there as a testament to who we really are...selfish, rude, hateful, prideful, or any other damaging character flaws that you can think of.
This phrase in the KJV is "thinks no evil." When properly translated it comes across as more of an accounting term. For example, if you logically reason and balance you checkbook and it says you have $25, you have $25. It basically means a logical conclusion based on facts present.
This applies to love like this....
Yes, you were wronged. Yes, he hurt you. Yes, she did you wrong. No one disputes the pain that you have experienced or feel. It is legitimate and justified. You are not to blame for this outcome. It is your right to feel slighted, abused, mistreated, and maligned. You can track in your mind, as if in a ledger, the times and dates of certain offenses. You can look back and see that they are in debt to you for the wrongs committed against you. It is a logical conclusion to feel the way you feel because of what you have gone through or are going through. You have reconciled your love checkbook and your spouse is in the red.
But, love...
Love looks at the balance owed and graciously covers the debt. It not only corrects the ledger to reflect no wrong doing but destroys all evidence of the offenses. Love does not look the other way but rather gazes into the face of the one that is loved and readily forgives ALL of their transgressions. Love is not ignorant of the offense; it simply chooses not to keep record of it. The offense is written down but love blots out the ledger so that the offense is no longer visible or recognizable.
Isn't this the picture of what Christ has done for us? The love which He is carried our debt of sin to the cross so that we would be removed from it. His love for us has blotted out ALL of our transgressions.
Psalms 103:12 He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.
Isaiah 43:25 I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake,
and will not remember thy sins.
Isaiah 44:22 I have blotted out, as a thick cloud, thy transgressions, and, as a cloud, thy sins:
return unto me; for I have redeemed thee.
Do you use your past as a weapon? Do you reach in and, subconsciously, take out one of your weapons in order to fight your spouse? These weapons can be very effective at winning the battle, but what are you really trying to do? Are you trying to fight, and eventually win, against your spouse? Aren't you supposed to be on the same team, not trying to WIN? If you are waging war against your spouse you will eventually lose the war and the damage will affect you more than your spouse. Your heart will be filled with the anger and pain of unforgiveness, so much so, that when they say sorry--you can't forgive them, as your heart has gotten hard.
The only reason that we save anything is for the ability to use it again in the future. Why do you save your past tax returns? Just in case you get audited. Why do file away past offenses? Just in case the fight turns really ugly and you need to regain the upper hand. Sound about right?
Think about it like this...we have two choices. We can either file the offenses away to use them as a defense mechanism later or we can ask the Lord to recycle them and then He can use them for an entirely different purpose. That is what God does; He is in the business of redeeming lost, broken, and otherwise destroyed people and circumstances!
The root question...will you choose to forgive fully?
Josh and Serena
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Recipe for Pancakes-Part 8
Now, things are starting to get personal! Maybe we should just skip this ingredient? Or grit our teeth and take our lumps?
Love...is not easily angered.
OK...that's enough for today.
Anger is a very delicate subject. I do believe that we are allowed to be angry (Jesus was angry when He drove out the vendors from the temple) but when and where we become angry tends to become precarious. We often get so worked up over the smallest things. And, that is where this ingredient comes into clear focus.
In the original language this actually means- to scorn, despise, provoke, or exasperate. One translation (New Living) reads, "It is not irritable." Another (The Message) says, "It does not fly off the handle." Let's take our lumps!!
I'm a tiny bit fearful of asking this but...how often are you at this point with your spouse? Exasperated by their actions or lack thereof? Scornful of who they are? Despising them for their faults? Do you speak your mind and remind them of what a failure they are in that one area? Is it a constant source of irritation for you? Maybe the problem isn't with them and what they do but is with you and your reaction to the circumstance?
Sadly, I have more to work on this in regards to my children than I do with my husband. BUT I have noticed that when I get angry it has stemmed from things between him and I, and I just take it out on them. Does Josh feel like he has to walk on eggshells? I bet there are many days he does. Makes me sad to be honest, as overall, I think I am pretty agreeable to abide with. BUT to decide that we don't have any areas to improve and that we are innocent...well, that IS a problem. INNOCENT? There was only ONE such man. Does your husband fail to communicate? Maybe he is afraid to speak! Several times Josh has told me that he could not express his feelings because there were consequences from me for whatever he said--I have heard this more times than I care to admit. It still makes me cry, as I do NOT want to be this person.
For me (Josh) I am often irritable when I have to do the same task or answer the same question more than once. I tend to let my disapproval be known through my tone and sharp, biting answers. I like to think I am a pretty easy going guy but often find my volume increasing as circumstances do not meet my approval. Yes, I should be more gracious and patient but that would mean work and effort on my part. In my flawed reasoning I think it easier for Serena to change her behavior than for me to change my attitude.
The deeper we progress in making these "pancakes" and adding more love to our diets, the more we find how interconnected each of these ingredients are. Becoming not easily angered is quickly linked to our patience, the kindness we show, and our self-sacrifice rather than our self-seeking.
We wish that there was a list of 5 things that we could give you to become not easily angered. But, we don't believe that there are any quick fixes to marriage restoration. There are no lists that make the road more smooth. It took a lack of work from BOTH of you to make your marriage what it is right now. But, it only takes one person to stand and put an end to the crazy cycle. Are you that one?
Hold on...we do have a list. It is only 2 items long but it will work to restore your marriage. Here it is...
1. Begin to love according to Scripture! Not according to Josh and Serena, according to the Bible! We happily admit that we don't know all the answers. We are working daily on this marriage thing just like you. But, we know who does have all the answers. Not only does He have them, He is the answer! Which leads us to the 2nd point...
2. Listen to God! Not Josh and Serena because Josh and Serena are only humans and still make plenty of mistakes. He is the answer. Listen to His voice! He might tell you to do some crazy things but if you listen and obey those crazy things will work to make your marriage glorify Him. A word of caution---what God speaks to you will NEVER go against what His written word has already established. God's will and way ALWAYS leads to restoration, never destruction. Divorce doesn't glorify God; it goes against His nature. If divorce was God's intended plan, He would have divorced the human race a long time ago. He never would have sent His only Son to die for a people that He would eventually divorce.
OUCH!!! This love stuff kind of hurts...
Josh and Serena
Love...is not easily angered.
OK...that's enough for today.
Anger is a very delicate subject. I do believe that we are allowed to be angry (Jesus was angry when He drove out the vendors from the temple) but when and where we become angry tends to become precarious. We often get so worked up over the smallest things. And, that is where this ingredient comes into clear focus.
In the original language this actually means- to scorn, despise, provoke, or exasperate. One translation (New Living) reads, "It is not irritable." Another (The Message) says, "It does not fly off the handle." Let's take our lumps!!
I'm a tiny bit fearful of asking this but...how often are you at this point with your spouse? Exasperated by their actions or lack thereof? Scornful of who they are? Despising them for their faults? Do you speak your mind and remind them of what a failure they are in that one area? Is it a constant source of irritation for you? Maybe the problem isn't with them and what they do but is with you and your reaction to the circumstance?
Sadly, I have more to work on this in regards to my children than I do with my husband. BUT I have noticed that when I get angry it has stemmed from things between him and I, and I just take it out on them. Does Josh feel like he has to walk on eggshells? I bet there are many days he does. Makes me sad to be honest, as overall, I think I am pretty agreeable to abide with. BUT to decide that we don't have any areas to improve and that we are innocent...well, that IS a problem. INNOCENT? There was only ONE such man. Does your husband fail to communicate? Maybe he is afraid to speak! Several times Josh has told me that he could not express his feelings because there were consequences from me for whatever he said--I have heard this more times than I care to admit. It still makes me cry, as I do NOT want to be this person.
For me (Josh) I am often irritable when I have to do the same task or answer the same question more than once. I tend to let my disapproval be known through my tone and sharp, biting answers. I like to think I am a pretty easy going guy but often find my volume increasing as circumstances do not meet my approval. Yes, I should be more gracious and patient but that would mean work and effort on my part. In my flawed reasoning I think it easier for Serena to change her behavior than for me to change my attitude.
The deeper we progress in making these "pancakes" and adding more love to our diets, the more we find how interconnected each of these ingredients are. Becoming not easily angered is quickly linked to our patience, the kindness we show, and our self-sacrifice rather than our self-seeking.
We wish that there was a list of 5 things that we could give you to become not easily angered. But, we don't believe that there are any quick fixes to marriage restoration. There are no lists that make the road more smooth. It took a lack of work from BOTH of you to make your marriage what it is right now. But, it only takes one person to stand and put an end to the crazy cycle. Are you that one?
Hold on...we do have a list. It is only 2 items long but it will work to restore your marriage. Here it is...
1. Begin to love according to Scripture! Not according to Josh and Serena, according to the Bible! We happily admit that we don't know all the answers. We are working daily on this marriage thing just like you. But, we know who does have all the answers. Not only does He have them, He is the answer! Which leads us to the 2nd point...
2. Listen to God! Not Josh and Serena because Josh and Serena are only humans and still make plenty of mistakes. He is the answer. Listen to His voice! He might tell you to do some crazy things but if you listen and obey those crazy things will work to make your marriage glorify Him. A word of caution---what God speaks to you will NEVER go against what His written word has already established. God's will and way ALWAYS leads to restoration, never destruction. Divorce doesn't glorify God; it goes against His nature. If divorce was God's intended plan, He would have divorced the human race a long time ago. He never would have sent His only Son to die for a people that He would eventually divorce.
OUCH!!! This love stuff kind of hurts...
Josh and Serena
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Recipe for Pancakes-Part 7
Love is not self seeking...
Here is the question at the heart of the matter...why are you showing the love that you are to your spouse? Are you being patient and kind and loving so that you will receive from your spouse some sort of affirmation? Are you doing the work of love so that you will receive recognition? If you are looking for an "Atta boy (or girl)" from your spouse, you're heart is not right yet.
This is often a hard flaw to self-diagnose. As humans, we crave attention for doing good...especially from our spouses. Desiring that attention is not a bad thing. It only becomes a negative factor when it turns into our motivation for doing that which is good.
OK...I will share from my own life so that you don't feel all alone out there. I have a really bad habit of leaving my clean clothes in a HUGE pile in our bedroom. Serena does an amazing job at keeping our home clean and clothes washed. But, she does expect us to put our clean clothes away. Well, let's just say I am not the best at this. I get home from work and I am tired....I would rather hang out with the family...we are rushing out the door to some function. As a result, my clean clothes wind up piled up. I find what I need so it is not a big deal to me, but at times can be a big deal for Serena. So, being the selfish kind of person that I am, I often wait until it cannot be ignored any longer and she has harassed (I tease) me to no end and I finally give in and put them all away...only to start the whole process over again tomorrow.
I am seeking myself. It inconveniences me to put my clothes away. However, it inconveniences my wife, who I love to beyond words. If I was as giving and self-sacrificing as I think I am (or pretend to be) I would easily find the time to put my clothes away. I poke fun at myself to make a serious subject a bit lighter. But, this is only one situation.
What about the other areas of my life and your life? Men, do you wait to do things until the situation is primed for recognition from the wife? Women, do you neglect certain things and then...tada!...when your husband is looking it just happens?
Let's look at men and women and their needs and how we respond to them. I will start with the men because...well, I am one.
Men, we love the physical aspects of our marital relationship. It's ok...it's how we were created. It's ok to want to fulfill your sexual needs through your wife. But, men, we have to understand that we cannot be selfish and only fulfill ourselves. Your needs are important but what about your wife's needs. She needs to talk. Her need to communicate with words (both speaking and listening) is as important to her as your sexual drive. When you feel the need to "be" with your wife, think about how much time you allowed her to talk and share. Zip up your pants, open your ears, and fill your mouth with words (genuine ones work best)...quit being self-seeking and talk to her!
Women, we love to talk. It is the way we were created and its ok. It's ok to need more than conversation with a 3 year old to satisfy you. But, women, we have to understand that we cannot be selfish and only talk his ear off. Our need to talk is as important as his sexual needs. Sometimes talking is best left to another time. We would blow our husband's mind if we didn't talk and just came onto him. Quit being self-seeking and physically show some love to your husband--stop trying to decide if he met all of your needs that day BEFORE you give him what he wants. (this is a MARRIAGE blog, right?) If you haven't had sex with your husband in the last week (dare I say)......well, you think about it...what if you didn't get to have an adult conversation for a week? I, Serena, would go crazy!
This example is one of the biggest fractures that happen between husband and wives. Men want more sex, women want more communication. Give your spouse what they want before you get what you want. You may be more giving than what you receive back...but it's not about you...is it? It's about showing your spouse the love they need, not deserve.
Something to think about....
Josh and Serena
Here is the question at the heart of the matter...why are you showing the love that you are to your spouse? Are you being patient and kind and loving so that you will receive from your spouse some sort of affirmation? Are you doing the work of love so that you will receive recognition? If you are looking for an "Atta boy (or girl)" from your spouse, you're heart is not right yet.
This is often a hard flaw to self-diagnose. As humans, we crave attention for doing good...especially from our spouses. Desiring that attention is not a bad thing. It only becomes a negative factor when it turns into our motivation for doing that which is good.
OK...I will share from my own life so that you don't feel all alone out there. I have a really bad habit of leaving my clean clothes in a HUGE pile in our bedroom. Serena does an amazing job at keeping our home clean and clothes washed. But, she does expect us to put our clean clothes away. Well, let's just say I am not the best at this. I get home from work and I am tired....I would rather hang out with the family...we are rushing out the door to some function. As a result, my clean clothes wind up piled up. I find what I need so it is not a big deal to me, but at times can be a big deal for Serena. So, being the selfish kind of person that I am, I often wait until it cannot be ignored any longer and she has harassed (I tease) me to no end and I finally give in and put them all away...only to start the whole process over again tomorrow.
I am seeking myself. It inconveniences me to put my clothes away. However, it inconveniences my wife, who I love to beyond words. If I was as giving and self-sacrificing as I think I am (or pretend to be) I would easily find the time to put my clothes away. I poke fun at myself to make a serious subject a bit lighter. But, this is only one situation.
What about the other areas of my life and your life? Men, do you wait to do things until the situation is primed for recognition from the wife? Women, do you neglect certain things and then...tada!...when your husband is looking it just happens?
Let's look at men and women and their needs and how we respond to them. I will start with the men because...well, I am one.
Men, we love the physical aspects of our marital relationship. It's ok...it's how we were created. It's ok to want to fulfill your sexual needs through your wife. But, men, we have to understand that we cannot be selfish and only fulfill ourselves. Your needs are important but what about your wife's needs. She needs to talk. Her need to communicate with words (both speaking and listening) is as important to her as your sexual drive. When you feel the need to "be" with your wife, think about how much time you allowed her to talk and share. Zip up your pants, open your ears, and fill your mouth with words (genuine ones work best)...quit being self-seeking and talk to her!
Women, we love to talk. It is the way we were created and its ok. It's ok to need more than conversation with a 3 year old to satisfy you. But, women, we have to understand that we cannot be selfish and only talk his ear off. Our need to talk is as important as his sexual needs. Sometimes talking is best left to another time. We would blow our husband's mind if we didn't talk and just came onto him. Quit being self-seeking and physically show some love to your husband--stop trying to decide if he met all of your needs that day BEFORE you give him what he wants. (this is a MARRIAGE blog, right?) If you haven't had sex with your husband in the last week (dare I say)......well, you think about it...what if you didn't get to have an adult conversation for a week? I, Serena, would go crazy!
This example is one of the biggest fractures that happen between husband and wives. Men want more sex, women want more communication. Give your spouse what they want before you get what you want. You may be more giving than what you receive back...but it's not about you...is it? It's about showing your spouse the love they need, not deserve.
Something to think about....
Josh and Serena
Monday, May 9, 2011
Recipe for Pancakes-Part 6
Building one step, one ingredient at a time....
Love is not...rude.
This should be self explanatory but sadly it is not. Not really sure when or where we found it acceptable to be rude to our spouses but needless to say we all do it. Whether or not it is a verbal expression of rudeness is not the question. It is the attitude in which it is expressed.
Now, when we write this don't think that we are NEVER rude to each other. We are working to weed this out of our life but it is still present with us.
I (Josh) am guilty of often having a snappy response to a question. Most often it occurs when I have been asked the same question at numerous times. This is not an excuse; I am just sharing where I see it creep up most often. Repetitive questions from my wife are an indicator of an issue that needs more attention than I have been giving to it. It does not matter how many times I am asked my response should be one of consideration and kindness.
I (Serena) do NOT have a problem with being rude. I am kind and genteel ALL the time! (Does sarcasm come across the maze of the Internet? I hope so! Josh) No, seriously though...how many times do I tell Josh that he is selfish when it is I that is being selfish? I can be very demanding. I can sometimes put all of my needs above his. The saddest part is, he takes my words to heart. As wives we can bring our husbands down so quickly, often I am not sure we even realize how easy it is--until it's too late. I have many times made my husband feel like a complete failure because I kept pointing out ONE area that bothered me. Our words are very powerful, and our ability to be rude can make our spouse feel like they have failed us. Maybe you feel they have? Granted Josh did fail me, in so many ways, BUT you can ALWAYS find positive--yes, I mean ALWAYS!! You may have to dig REALLY hard, but it IS there.
This word "rude" in the original language is based on the root word meaning deformed or indecent. It is very beneficial for us to go back to the what was originally meant by the Author when we read Scripture. If we read this verse with these definitions in place we end up with a very different picture.
Love is not deformed. It has not been misshapen at its core, maimed by adversity, or handicapped during its conception and growth. Love is tough enough to take the blow dealt by its recipient and still maintain its proper stature.
Love is not indecent. It will not expose the delicate parts of its partner. It will not uncover a matter that would cause shame to fall on its recipient from the outside world. It will not speak in a manner that would bring disgrace from those not relevant to the situation.
Something that I (Josh) learned about this aspect of love was taught to me by Serena. I did not know it at the time but, during my whole episode where I chose to run from God and her, she did not speak ill of me to anyone and defended me. This is not to say that she did not make plain what I was doing in sin but was careful who she spoke to about it and what she said. Some things that I did or said to her she did not tell people because it would have too great for them to bear. She kept all those things inside of her and gave them to her Father. She did not defend my actions but she defended the man that she had pledged her love to and the man that I was even if i was not acting like it. She always upheld me in the eyes of my children telling them to keep praying 'cause Daddy was coming home. She cautioned my own parents to not react to harshly when they heard about my words or deeds. Some people she even refused to talk to because they were not there as a support but to be a spectator to the fall of a child of God. She did all this because she loved me and refused to let her love, which was the love of God being shown through her, become deformed or indecent.
So, readers, we encourage you to look into the mirror of the Word and see what the Father is calling "rude" in your words or actions. We cannot judge what you have done or are doing. We have not and will not set the standard of what rude is. We struggle daily against our sin nature so that His love is able to be evident in our personal lives and in our marriage.
Keep standing!!
Love is not...rude.
This should be self explanatory but sadly it is not. Not really sure when or where we found it acceptable to be rude to our spouses but needless to say we all do it. Whether or not it is a verbal expression of rudeness is not the question. It is the attitude in which it is expressed.
Now, when we write this don't think that we are NEVER rude to each other. We are working to weed this out of our life but it is still present with us.
I (Josh) am guilty of often having a snappy response to a question. Most often it occurs when I have been asked the same question at numerous times. This is not an excuse; I am just sharing where I see it creep up most often. Repetitive questions from my wife are an indicator of an issue that needs more attention than I have been giving to it. It does not matter how many times I am asked my response should be one of consideration and kindness.
I (Serena) do NOT have a problem with being rude. I am kind and genteel ALL the time! (Does sarcasm come across the maze of the Internet? I hope so! Josh) No, seriously though...how many times do I tell Josh that he is selfish when it is I that is being selfish? I can be very demanding. I can sometimes put all of my needs above his. The saddest part is, he takes my words to heart. As wives we can bring our husbands down so quickly, often I am not sure we even realize how easy it is--until it's too late. I have many times made my husband feel like a complete failure because I kept pointing out ONE area that bothered me. Our words are very powerful, and our ability to be rude can make our spouse feel like they have failed us. Maybe you feel they have? Granted Josh did fail me, in so many ways, BUT you can ALWAYS find positive--yes, I mean ALWAYS!! You may have to dig REALLY hard, but it IS there.
This word "rude" in the original language is based on the root word meaning deformed or indecent. It is very beneficial for us to go back to the what was originally meant by the Author when we read Scripture. If we read this verse with these definitions in place we end up with a very different picture.
Love is not deformed. It has not been misshapen at its core, maimed by adversity, or handicapped during its conception and growth. Love is tough enough to take the blow dealt by its recipient and still maintain its proper stature.
Love is not indecent. It will not expose the delicate parts of its partner. It will not uncover a matter that would cause shame to fall on its recipient from the outside world. It will not speak in a manner that would bring disgrace from those not relevant to the situation.
Something that I (Josh) learned about this aspect of love was taught to me by Serena. I did not know it at the time but, during my whole episode where I chose to run from God and her, she did not speak ill of me to anyone and defended me. This is not to say that she did not make plain what I was doing in sin but was careful who she spoke to about it and what she said. Some things that I did or said to her she did not tell people because it would have too great for them to bear. She kept all those things inside of her and gave them to her Father. She did not defend my actions but she defended the man that she had pledged her love to and the man that I was even if i was not acting like it. She always upheld me in the eyes of my children telling them to keep praying 'cause Daddy was coming home. She cautioned my own parents to not react to harshly when they heard about my words or deeds. Some people she even refused to talk to because they were not there as a support but to be a spectator to the fall of a child of God. She did all this because she loved me and refused to let her love, which was the love of God being shown through her, become deformed or indecent.
So, readers, we encourage you to look into the mirror of the Word and see what the Father is calling "rude" in your words or actions. We cannot judge what you have done or are doing. We have not and will not set the standard of what rude is. We struggle daily against our sin nature so that His love is able to be evident in our personal lives and in our marriage.
Keep standing!!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Recipe for Pancakes-Part 5
How are you doing with the recipe? Have the Spirit been leading you in ways to be patient, kind, and not envious? We pray that this helping you.
Today's ingredient begins to take us on a little bit of a different direction. Today's ingredient changes the focus from what we display towards our spouse because of our heart's choice to the attitude we might begin to have from being patient and kind.
Love is not boastful or proud.
Take a moment and take a look at what you have been doing. Wherever the Spirit has been leading you in patience and kindness toward your spouse is definitely a good thing. At this point it is very easy to begin to become a little proud. I mean, you have been enduring troubles with patience and showing kindness to someone who may not be deserving of it. (If you haven't yet, maybe you should go back and reread those first couple of ingredients. Just sayin'...) You are doing a great work!
This is where the enemy would like to begin to trip us up. Love is not about the way we feel or what are reciprocated. Love, real love, is about a sacrifice that you make regardless of what is returned back to you. Isn't this the way we see it in Jesus? He took the cross knowing that those He was coming to save would still reject Him. And, still, He did it.
The moment that we begin to think of ourselves as somehow deserving of praise for our patience and kindness is also the same moment that we need to seriously check our motives. Are we doing this for the praise we will receive from others? Or are we truly laying ourselves down for the sake of another? If our motives are wrong our patience becomes shorter, our kindness becomes sarcastic, envy starts to creep (I deserve better than this...), and as a result our love is tainted.
Each ingredient builds upon the other and when used in proper situations will lead us naturally into the next one. It is interesting though that Paul, when writing these verses warns us about pride coming in. Boasting and pride comes from a deeper core issue...not seeing ourselves the way GOD sees us. As humans, here is the way that we fix our vision problems...we slip in a comment belittling our husbands or shaming our wives? Maybe it's just to your mother or best friend? When we bring someone down so that we can be lifted up we are dealing with serious pride issues.
We all have things we do better than each other. It is only natural. However, pointing out the other person's weaknesses is boasting about yourself. Are you looking for their strengths? God wants us to recognize and compliment each other. He made men and women different for a reason. The woman was made to be the completion of the man; what the man lacks is usually present in the woman. What good is it if we are both exactly the same? What kind of support would Josh be if he stressed about things the way I do? His lack of compassion, concern, and sympathy is sometimes just an indication to me that he is trusting God a LOT more than I am, at the moment. Where he is strong; I am often weak! BUT, am I pointing out the weak and boasting only about my strengths?
Since we are talking about ingredients, let's relate this back to cooking. Many different ingredients make up any recipe. But, just throwing the ingredients together is not enough. They have to be in proper balance. If you add too much salt to a recipe you may not see (or taste) the outcome until after the cooking process is over. But...trust me...you will know that something is wrong in the first bite.
If there is any pride added to the recipe for pancakes will skew your end results. You do not want to have done all the work of rebuilding and restoring your marriage to have in be for nothing because you had a little pride mixed in.
In closing, think about this...what is the opposite if pride? Humility. And if there is no room for pride in love, it must mean that there is adequate room for humility? Humility and pride cannot be present together. Humility allows you to be patient and kind without the need for recognition. Humility is the perfect pairing to go along with patience, kindness, and giving (non-envy).
Mix them up!
Today's ingredient begins to take us on a little bit of a different direction. Today's ingredient changes the focus from what we display towards our spouse because of our heart's choice to the attitude we might begin to have from being patient and kind.
Love is not boastful or proud.
Take a moment and take a look at what you have been doing. Wherever the Spirit has been leading you in patience and kindness toward your spouse is definitely a good thing. At this point it is very easy to begin to become a little proud. I mean, you have been enduring troubles with patience and showing kindness to someone who may not be deserving of it. (If you haven't yet, maybe you should go back and reread those first couple of ingredients. Just sayin'...) You are doing a great work!
This is where the enemy would like to begin to trip us up. Love is not about the way we feel or what are reciprocated. Love, real love, is about a sacrifice that you make regardless of what is returned back to you. Isn't this the way we see it in Jesus? He took the cross knowing that those He was coming to save would still reject Him. And, still, He did it.
The moment that we begin to think of ourselves as somehow deserving of praise for our patience and kindness is also the same moment that we need to seriously check our motives. Are we doing this for the praise we will receive from others? Or are we truly laying ourselves down for the sake of another? If our motives are wrong our patience becomes shorter, our kindness becomes sarcastic, envy starts to creep (I deserve better than this...), and as a result our love is tainted.
Each ingredient builds upon the other and when used in proper situations will lead us naturally into the next one. It is interesting though that Paul, when writing these verses warns us about pride coming in. Boasting and pride comes from a deeper core issue...not seeing ourselves the way GOD sees us. As humans, here is the way that we fix our vision problems...we slip in a comment belittling our husbands or shaming our wives? Maybe it's just to your mother or best friend? When we bring someone down so that we can be lifted up we are dealing with serious pride issues.
We all have things we do better than each other. It is only natural. However, pointing out the other person's weaknesses is boasting about yourself. Are you looking for their strengths? God wants us to recognize and compliment each other. He made men and women different for a reason. The woman was made to be the completion of the man; what the man lacks is usually present in the woman. What good is it if we are both exactly the same? What kind of support would Josh be if he stressed about things the way I do? His lack of compassion, concern, and sympathy is sometimes just an indication to me that he is trusting God a LOT more than I am, at the moment. Where he is strong; I am often weak! BUT, am I pointing out the weak and boasting only about my strengths?
Since we are talking about ingredients, let's relate this back to cooking. Many different ingredients make up any recipe. But, just throwing the ingredients together is not enough. They have to be in proper balance. If you add too much salt to a recipe you may not see (or taste) the outcome until after the cooking process is over. But...trust me...you will know that something is wrong in the first bite.
If there is any pride added to the recipe for pancakes will skew your end results. You do not want to have done all the work of rebuilding and restoring your marriage to have in be for nothing because you had a little pride mixed in.
In closing, think about this...what is the opposite if pride? Humility. And if there is no room for pride in love, it must mean that there is adequate room for humility? Humility and pride cannot be present together. Humility allows you to be patient and kind without the need for recognition. Humility is the perfect pairing to go along with patience, kindness, and giving (non-envy).
Mix them up!
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Recipe for Pancakes-Part 4
Our next ingredient is actually more of a non-ingredient.
Love does not envy...
It is hard to notice when envy slips in. It comes in so easily. How often do I envy my husband because of his physical appearance or his ability to lose weight faster than I can? He can decide he will lose weight and it's done--just like that! Are you envious of your husband going to work, and you have to stay home? Or maybe it's the reverse? Do you think he has an easier job? Let's say he does.....aren't we still commanded NOT to be envious?
The root of envy is based in discontent. We are discontent in everything. It is no wonder that envy slips into our marriages. We have been brainwashed by our culture telling us all the things that we "need". When in reality life would go just fine if we did without those things and were just content with what we have.
So, how does envy creep in? You and your girlfriends are having a coffee together and you are talking about your husbands. Your girlfriend tells you about all the nice things that her husband has done for her. You think to yourself, "My husband doesn't do that for me. Life would be a whole lot better if he did." Why the discontent? What you don't realize is that this other woman's husband has a host of bad habits that would drive you bonkers! She can deal with them and love him anyways. You, on the other hand, would wind up pulling your hair out...but life would be a whole lot better if he did....
How does envy creep in, men? You and your coworkers are working away. Your coworker's wife was in the neighborhood and stops by to say 'hello' to her husband. You notice that she is dressed so much nicer than your wife. And your wife NEVER stops by to say 'hello'. You wish she would. You reason, "If my wife did those kind of things, my life would be so much more enjoyable." What you don't realize is that your coworker and his wife had a conversation that you couldn't hear. She asked him for money to spend on frivolous shopping and now he cannot afford to go hunting next weekend! Your wife never does that...but life would be a whole lot better if she did....
Ya'll get the idea!
An affair, at its root, is based in envy. You want what is not yours and you will pursue it until you get it. But, love does not pursue what does not belong to it. Love only pursues what has been given to it.
In Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married? a key marital concept is shared. It's called the 80/20 principle. Your spouse will only be able to give you 80% of what you need at any given time. But, we are discontent with the 80%. We are ENVIOUS of the 20% that we can find elsewhere. So, we pursue it. It's not until after we acquire the 20% that we realize howgood great fantastic AWESOME the 80% really was.
Don't envy what is not yours. Pursue YOUR wife! Pursue YOUR husband! Pursue YOUR marriage!! When you do you will find that it really is EVERYTHING you ever wanted or needed.
Love does not envy...
It is hard to notice when envy slips in. It comes in so easily. How often do I envy my husband because of his physical appearance or his ability to lose weight faster than I can? He can decide he will lose weight and it's done--just like that! Are you envious of your husband going to work, and you have to stay home? Or maybe it's the reverse? Do you think he has an easier job? Let's say he does.....aren't we still commanded NOT to be envious?
The root of envy is based in discontent. We are discontent in everything. It is no wonder that envy slips into our marriages. We have been brainwashed by our culture telling us all the things that we "need". When in reality life would go just fine if we did without those things and were just content with what we have.
So, how does envy creep in? You and your girlfriends are having a coffee together and you are talking about your husbands. Your girlfriend tells you about all the nice things that her husband has done for her. You think to yourself, "My husband doesn't do that for me. Life would be a whole lot better if he did." Why the discontent? What you don't realize is that this other woman's husband has a host of bad habits that would drive you bonkers! She can deal with them and love him anyways. You, on the other hand, would wind up pulling your hair out...but life would be a whole lot better if he did....
How does envy creep in, men? You and your coworkers are working away. Your coworker's wife was in the neighborhood and stops by to say 'hello' to her husband. You notice that she is dressed so much nicer than your wife. And your wife NEVER stops by to say 'hello'. You wish she would. You reason, "If my wife did those kind of things, my life would be so much more enjoyable." What you don't realize is that your coworker and his wife had a conversation that you couldn't hear. She asked him for money to spend on frivolous shopping and now he cannot afford to go hunting next weekend! Your wife never does that...but life would be a whole lot better if she did....
Ya'll get the idea!
An affair, at its root, is based in envy. You want what is not yours and you will pursue it until you get it. But, love does not pursue what does not belong to it. Love only pursues what has been given to it.
In Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married? a key marital concept is shared. It's called the 80/20 principle. Your spouse will only be able to give you 80% of what you need at any given time. But, we are discontent with the 80%. We are ENVIOUS of the 20% that we can find elsewhere. So, we pursue it. It's not until after we acquire the 20% that we realize how
Don't envy what is not yours. Pursue YOUR wife! Pursue YOUR husband! Pursue YOUR marriage!! When you do you will find that it really is EVERYTHING you ever wanted or needed.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Recipe for Pancakes-Part 3
Yesterday's ingredient is mandatory to have in proper order with today's:
It is hard for us to be kind if we are impatient. Love is the motivation, patience is the understanding, and kindness is to be our action response.
Kindness is the only appropriate response from a heart that has chosen to remain soft and tender. Something that we learned through Serena's standing for us: If our heart remains soft and tender....naturally it will mean that it will hurt worse when the offense happens. But by staying soft and tender towards your spouse, you will be ready and able to forgive them. However, if you become hard you will hurt less when offense comes but unable to properly heal, unable to forgive, and unable to live. AND unable to properly accept your spouse when they ask if they can come home--in spite of how they treated you.
Love is...kind
Many times in our impatience, it leads us to being unkind--which is the exact opposite of love. How many times do we speak unkind words to him/her because of anger and resentment? How many times do we point out their mistakes? Often times, we even use sarcasm as a mask to cover up sounding too mean!
It is hard for us to be kind if we are impatient. Love is the motivation, patience is the understanding, and kindness is to be our action response.
How many times do I rush Josh to make decisions? Do I have lists and lists of things he needs to do, knowing he hates lists? Do I nag about what I want done? How many times am I angry when he comes home late from work? How many times am I upset when he doesn't text me back when what I had to say was really important? Am I patient when he is running late on things I want done? Or am I kind in the display of my love, even if it is not how I feel?
How many times do I make Serena feel bad because of the status of the cleanliness of our home? Do I understand that her job lasts all day and is always present around her; where as mine, I am able to walk away from at the end of the day and leave 25 miles away? Do I get upset at how often she interrupts my day with trivial phone calls? Or do I, out of kindness, turn a blind eye to the circumstances and choose to show kind love?
We have a skewed view of what it means to display kindness. We seem to think that kindness, like love, is about how we feel about the person we are displaying it to. When, in reality, it has absolutely nothing to do with the other person but EVERYTHING to do with ourselves. In M&P, kindness overflowed because of the tenderness of Serena's heart; not because I had made her feel so affirmed and loved.
Romans 2:4 Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin? (NLT)
Kindness is the only appropriate response from a heart that has chosen to remain soft and tender. Something that we learned through Serena's standing for us: If our heart remains soft and tender....naturally it will mean that it will hurt worse when the offense happens. But by staying soft and tender towards your spouse, you will be ready and able to forgive them. However, if you become hard you will hurt less when offense comes but unable to properly heal, unable to forgive, and unable to live. AND unable to properly accept your spouse when they ask if they can come home--in spite of how they treated you. Don't set yourself up for failure by choosing to be unkind. The Lord desires to display His kindness through you. Will you allow Him to be gracious through you? Do you have to be right or will you allow your heart reflect His kindness?
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Recipe for Pancakes-Part 2
So, let's jump into making some pancakes for your spouse...your first ingredient:
Love is patient...
To begin, we need to look at the word, "love". This is not love as we would describe it in our culture today. Today, we would say love is a series of strong feelings that we have when we care for someone close to us. According to the images in movies and lyrics in songs, love is all about how it makes us feel and only on the most shallow of levels. It is definitions like this that are causing us to give up on our marriages.
The word "love" is the word "agape". It usually refers to the love that God displays toward us. It is the highest form of love and in today's post and the next few days we will see why. But, rather than us telling you what our thoughts are on it, let's allow the Word of God to speak for itself.
The first way that love is defined in 1 Corinthians 13:4 is "patient".
Now, don't think that this is going to be an easy word or definition to put away and forget. This word in the original Greek is defined as this:
This is so hard to grasp on so many levels. Thoughts of perseverance, bravery, and enduring misfortunes and trouble scare us. By even mentioning these things we have to assume that it means that there will be rough patches to come to say the least. And, as we all know, we don't like things that make us have to work...hard! I mean, enduring troubles?!?!?! Let's put this in context...what if what you are experiencing in your marriage never changes? The Word of God expects you to endure them...bravely! WOW!!! And to address misfortunes...those are things that happen everyday that irritate you. When he doesn't call, when she isn't ready, when you ask for certain things to be done and they're not...you know what we're talking about.
To be patient in bearing the offenses and injuries of others
Oh, we know this is not easy. What you are experiencing inside of you is the voice of the world's definition of love and patience. But, we have not been called to love according the world's standard or defintion. We have been called to love according to what God would have us do. God's definition of love is not about a feeling: it's about a holy response to an evil situation.
So, today, read and reread the definition of patient love and then ask yourself this...
~Josh and Serena
Love is patient...
To begin, we need to look at the word, "love". This is not love as we would describe it in our culture today. Today, we would say love is a series of strong feelings that we have when we care for someone close to us. According to the images in movies and lyrics in songs, love is all about how it makes us feel and only on the most shallow of levels. It is definitions like this that are causing us to give up on our marriages.
The word "love" is the word "agape". It usually refers to the love that God displays toward us. It is the highest form of love and in today's post and the next few days we will see why. But, rather than us telling you what our thoughts are on it, let's allow the Word of God to speak for itself.
The first way that love is defined in 1 Corinthians 13:4 is "patient".
Now, don't think that this is going to be an easy word or definition to put away and forget. This word in the original Greek is defined as this:
1) to be of a long spirit, not to lose heart
a) to persevere patiently and bravely in enduring misfortunes and troubles
b) to be patient in bearing the offenses and injuries of others
1) to be mild and slow in avenging
2) to be longsuffering, slow to anger, slow to punish
When we read this we were kind of blown away. When we think of patience our minds tend to go towards thoughts like, "I will give her 5 more minutes and she better be ready" or "I will give him one more time to call before he is going to be late for dinner." Our idea of patience is so simple and foolish compared to the weight of what the Word means.
To persevere patiently and bravely in enduring misfortunes and troubles
To persevere patiently and bravely in enduring misfortunes and troubles
This is so hard to grasp on so many levels. Thoughts of perseverance, bravery, and enduring misfortunes and trouble scare us. By even mentioning these things we have to assume that it means that there will be rough patches to come to say the least. And, as we all know, we don't like things that make us have to work...hard! I mean, enduring troubles?!?!?! Let's put this in context...what if what you are experiencing in your marriage never changes? The Word of God expects you to endure them...bravely! WOW!!! And to address misfortunes...those are things that happen everyday that irritate you. When he doesn't call, when she isn't ready, when you ask for certain things to be done and they're not...you know what we're talking about.
To be patient in bearing the offenses and injuries of others
We HATE to be wrong. We HATE to be offended or hurt. According to the Word of God, we are expected to patiently bear offenses and injuries. How does one get used to offenses and injuries, let alone patiently bear them? In application, this would mean that we don't defend or fight back when attacked. We remain quiet and focused on God instead of focused on the individual or situation.
Oh, we know this is not easy. What you are experiencing inside of you is the voice of the world's definition of love and patience. But, we have not been called to love according the world's standard or defintion. We have been called to love according to what God would have us do. God's definition of love is not about a feeling: it's about a holy response to an evil situation.
So, today, read and reread the definition of patient love and then ask yourself this...
What would God have you do in order to be patient
in your love toward your spouse?
in your love toward your spouse?
~Josh and Serena
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Recipe for Pancakes-Part 1
We will never be able to eat or make pancakes again without getting a little choked up. We were asked for the "recipe" for those "pancakes." Well, we are going to do a little sharing about that. Remember, WE do not have the answers. God does and He is the One that shows us, through His Word, how to love.
As humans, we have defined love as a series of feelings that make us feel good. We only know the superficial effects of love. However, the love of God goes beyond human comprehension. The love of God is the only thing that will heal and restore your marriage.
The recipe for pancakes goes something like this...Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Do we really understand what love is? Not what love feels like but what love is. Love is not a feeling in your stomach when you get around a certain person. Love is not that fickle. Love is not what is bestowed upon you by another because of what you have done. Love is not selfish like that. Love is not only what God does but is who He is. (1 John 4:7,8) Love is the inherent nature of God.
As humans, we have defined love as a series of feelings that make us feel good. We only know the superficial effects of love. However, the love of God goes beyond human comprehension. The love of God is the only thing that will heal and restore your marriage.
Ask yourself this: do I really put into practice what love is? What about when you are faced with actually having to LOVE the unlovable? I mean, really, to say the Bible doesn't tell us WHO to love would be ignoring some of the hardest advice you can be given, especially to a hurt and wounded spouse. The Bible says to LOVE YOUR ENEMY. Yeah, I know...that hurts!! BUT here is the core of our issues...did we really love our spouses BEFORE problems started or did we just have feelings of love for them? There really is a difference!! I still have to work on loving Josh--marriage is work. Relationships are work; you don't just have good relationships by doing nothing.
Ultimately, love is a choice. Love is to sacrifice my own wants, needs, desires and feelings for the wants, needs, desires and feelings of the one I love. The key is to be able to do this without pity and anger. No one makes you do these things! You make the choice and you do them out of love. Love is sacrifice without self pity and anger.
Love will make us do crazy things. Things that appear to be foolish and illogical to the outside spectator. But, only those that are involved in that love relationship can understand the 'whys.' We see this illustrated in the days that we were beginning to learn about our spouses before we were married.
When Serena and I were courting, we lived about 450 miles apart. Most of our communication at the beginning was through snail mail and email. Only occasionally did we talk on the phone. But, as we grew to know the other emails would quite satisfy the need we were developing for the other. The phone calls increased in tone and length of time. It was reflected in our phone bills! After we were engaged and we saw marriage quickly coming on the horizon, phone calls didn't satisfy the need either. We had to see each other. I began to make frequent trips to visit her. One time stands out amongst the others.
I was working for a landscape company and had worked a full day on Friday. I had decided that day that I wanted to see her that weekend. I also had to lead worship at church on Sunday. It sounds kind of stupid to make a 450 mile, 8 hours drive to visit someone only to have to do it again hours later. My dad told me so in no uncertain terms. But, that is what love makes us do. And I was not about to be dissuaded! So, I made the journey arriving early on Saturday. Serena and I had a great day visiting. Sometime around midnight on Saturday I had to leave to go home. Well, because of the sleep deprivation that I was putting myself through for the sake of love, let's just say that the drive home was a lot longer than the one it took me to go. I rushed into the house with only minutes to spare to get ready and be back at church. But, I loved that girl. The few hours that we were able to spend together were worth it!
This is only a tiny glimpse of what love will make us do. Look at what love made Jesus do...He died for us. We all know that He could have taken Himself off that cross anytime He felt like it. His sacrifice was made out of unselfish love for us. He was not angry because He knew He had to do it. He did it because He loved us even though He knew that we would continue to fail Him and hurt Him.
Christ knew that we would never be able to return that same level of commitment and love to Him. And, still, He took the punishment for us. This is the way that we are to love our spouse. If we are honest with ourselves, and ask the hard questions, most of us can say that we have failed in this area. To love without the same level of commitment??? Isn't that exactly OPPOSITE of the world's view of marriage? And, sad to say, this is also the church's view of marriage.
So, what will be your response? Will you tell God that you will commit forever to love Him? And what happens if you don't? Does He go away? No!! He is right there waiting for His lover to be ready to return--no matter how ugly they return. Hey, some of us do come back broken and repentant, some of us don't. God never divorces us--He is always there.
During the next few days we are going to write together and break down this verse with the ways we both fail in the areas of perfect love. It happens, and maybe our failures and successes will show YOU how to love better.
Josh and Serena
Monday, May 2, 2011
Milk and Pancakes
Have you displayed the love of Jesus to your spouse that is far (physically, emotionally, or spiritually) from you? Or do you only show love when love is shown to you first? Let me tell you a story about me and Serena...
As you probably know, I left my 6 month pregnant wife and 3 kids for a life that I thought I wanted. During that time, I was physically in my wife's house a few times. She had invited me over. Yes, you heard me right...SHE INVITED ME!
This was a very strange thing for me. I couldn't then, and I really can't now, explain the way it made me feel. There was one instance in particular that boggled my mind.
While I was gone I turned 30 years old. When my birthday happened she was all of 9 months pregnant. And on my birthday (since I felt I had "missed out" on this) I got blackout drunk. I could not remember the ride home or who took me home. I vaguely remember falling on the way out of the bar. And I had to work the next morning. I was so drunk that I was still inebriated at 7 AM as I drove to work.
That day I was framing in a landscaping structure. Drunk, on a ladder 8ft. in the air, and shooting 4 inch long nails with a nail gun. I almost put one through my thumb! As the day progressed I felt worse and worse. No food for me as I didn't think it would stay down.
Sometime during that day Serena called me. She asked how my party was and how I was doing. I didn't have a whole lot to say. Her care for me caught me off guard. She then asked if I wanted to come over after work for dinner. I was only pancakes but I was welcome to come. For reasons I don't know, I said yes.
Now pancakes were not going to sit well with my hung-over stomach but I still ate. As I sat at the breakfast bar in her kitchen, she served me. She offered me milk and made me as many pancakes as I wanted. She talked to me about nothing in particular. She did not ask me if I was staying because she knew I wasn't. She didn't ask me to stop living the life I was. She simply served her husband; her husband that left her alone and pregnant. No condemnation came from her lips. Only love for her husband who was hurting deeply but didn't know it (or wouldn't admit it).
We talked at the door as I was leaving about the kids and work. She asked me one time as I was walking out if I wanted to stay. I looked away and told her no. She knew the answer but had to ask. She watched me as I got in my truck and drove away.
It wasn't until after I was home for good that I learned the depth and strength that it took to do what she did. She loved me like Jesus loved me. She showed me Jesus when I couldn't see Him with my own eyes. I knew that many people loved me and were praying for me. But only my wife, the one that I offended the most, was the one that offered me Jesus in the form of a glass of milk and a stack of pancakes.
When Jesus was hanging on the cross, He cried out to the Father to forgive His tormentors. It was this type of love that my wife showed me. In one of my darkest and most alone times, my wife showed me light and love. I can only imagine the strength of character and love of Jesus that had to have overwhelmed her in order to do what she did.
So, I bring you back to the question I asked at the beginning....have you shown the love of Jesus to your spouse that is far from you? Or do you only show love when it is shown to you first?
Wherever you are...however bad your situation is or isn't...you have the opportunity and privilege to allow Jesus to love your spouse through you. For Jesus to choose to love your spouse through you is a high honor...even if it is as simple as milk and pancakes.
With tears in my eyes because of the love of Jesus displayed to me through Serena,
Josh
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